


We've Got To Stop Meeting Like This

by MadAboutGrey



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 50,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25007593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadAboutGrey/pseuds/MadAboutGrey
Summary: A story of fate. Derek and Meredith keep running into each other through their residencies, despite being on opposite ends of the country.
Relationships: Meredith Grey/Derek Shepherd
Comments: 10
Kudos: 64





	1. Feels Like This

The two weeks she’d spent in New York had finally come to an end, and that she was grateful for. When her mother had _insisted_ Meredith spent her last two weeks of freedom before her internship started with her, she severely underestimated how much it would drain her. The idea was to have a relaxing two-week break in New York, but it had turned into a lot of hanging around at the hospital waiting for Ellis to finish in surgery which only benefited her as it allowed her to spend more time in the viewing galleries. Then there was the intern mixer that she had been dragged along to by Ellis, almost as if to say _this could be you, Meredith._ It was a long-lasting debate between the pair, and Ellis was still too proud to admit defeat. She wanted Meredith where she could keep an eye on her, under the roof of her own hospital, probably to steer her into General Surgery, inherit her mother’s legacy. Meredith had been adamant to _not_ work in the same hospital as her. She didn’t need the benefits that would surely come with it, or the special treatment. She didn’t want to specialise in General Surgery – her passion was in neurosurgery.

Now she was sat in the hotel bar, having escaped from the function room next door after spending a respectable amount of time and excusing herself with talk of an early flight, and saying goodbye to her mother of course. She was probably a little too overdressed to be sat at the bar on her own, but she didn’t care much for others’ opinions. The dress actually made her feel good about her almost stick-thin figure. She downed another tequila shot, turning the glass upside down in front of her. She probably shouldn’t be drinking so much before flying out in the morning, but it’s nothing she hadn’t done before. She had a fairly high tolerance for tequila by now.

She glanced to her side as the stool beside her became occupied, which only drew her attention as all the other stools were still empty. Why choose to sit beside the only occupied stool? She gave a small smile to the bartender who passed her another tequila shot and looked down at the small glass in front of her, her fingertip tracing the outline of the top of the glass.

She heard the voice of the male sat beside her speak to the bartender to order his own drink, but didn’t pay attention to what was actually said as her fingers wrapped around the shot glass, downing the golden, harsh liquid in one swift movement. She felt eyes on her but ignored them, at which point the voice spoke again, directly to her this time, “You’re going to be sorry in the morning.”

She gave a small laugh, not lifting her gaze from the bar in front of her, as much as her mind was pulling her to just turn her head to see who the voice belonged to, she muttered softly with a small shrug, “I’m always sorry in the morning.”

_When it feels like this, like a light came on,  
And you look at me, like I’m all you want._

When she continued to feel his eyes on her, she couldn’t resist the temptation of her curiosity, and looked to her side at the young looking male, probably around the same age as her. Her eyes glossed over the suit he was wearing. Expensive suit. Her gaze fixed on a name badge. _Derek Shepherd, Surgical Intern._ A short laugh escaped her lips as she realised, he must have been at the intern mixer, although she definitely would’ve remembered seeing him there. She then looked up at his questioning eyes, ready to explain her small outburst, but was almost frozen to the core by the eyes that looked back at her. The deep blue, curious eyes that had her in an almost trance. If she wasn’t mistaken, he seemed to have the same problem as her. She shook her head a little as though to shake the image from her mind as the bartender placed another shot in front of her, an unspoken agreement between them.

She cleared her throat a little, her lips pressed together, momentarily forgetting the tequila that beckoned her as she looked back to the stranger, “Let me guess, you’re starting your internship at New York Pres next week?”

He nodded, his eyes still showing his curiosity in her as he furrowed his brow slightly, “And you?”

She shook her head slightly, a small smirk on her lips as she realised, he definitely didn’t know who she was. It was almost refreshing. She turned to face forward again in the stool as she swallowed the tequila, enjoying the familiar burn in her throat as it went down, a soft hum sounding from her lips before she gave him a little more detail to her answer, “Just a… guest, you could say.”

“Sounds a bit ominous,” he said with raised eyebrows and a raspy chuckle escaped his lips as he sipped at his drink. She heard the sound of his glass being placed back on the wooden bar before he spoke again, “So, what’s your story?”

She shrugged, definitely not about to give him any deep insight into her life to the stranger who would be soon working at her mother’s hospital, no doubt. Her fingers fidgeted with the small, empty shot glass in front of her as she spoke with a small smile playing on her lips, “I’m just a girl in a bar.”

He released a short chuckle, and she could feel his eyes on her still. Normally, this kind of attention would unnerve her, but she found his gaze oddly comforting, as though it were a compliment. “Well then, I guess I’m just a guy in a bar,” he responded, copying her statement.

She couldn’t help but laughed softly as she shook her head a little, “You’re a little insistent, aren’t you, happy go lucky?”

He laughed a little louder at her comment and picked his glass up again as she looked to him, “I guess I’m just hiding my pain,” he sounded like he was joking, but she could sense a truth in his words. She didn’t think to press for more details, it wasn’t like she was about to give any to him. He soon changed the subject, anyhow, obviously wanting to keep the conversation flowing between them, “Are you from round here, then?”

Before she could answer him, the bartender approached, ready to pour her another shot but she simply raised her hand to stop him with a slight shake of her head, “I’m good for now.” The last thing she needed was to let her inhibitions run wild with the effects of the alcohol. She turned to look at the kind stranger again, who still had his eyes on her, as though she were the only other person in the room. “Not exactly, I’ve been away at college, and then med school, and my mother moved here a few years ago for work,” she watched the intrigue only grow in his expression at the limited information she was revealing.

“Med school? So, you’re a doctor, and you’re at a surgical internship mixer for the best hospital in New York, but you’re not doing your internship there?” He listed some of the things he had learned about her so far, as though he was trying to work out some sort of riddle, or puzzle.

She laughed softly, her fingers fidgeting with the silver bracelet that was fastened around her wrist, a nervous habit. She felt a rush of electricity shoot through the nerves in her hand as his hand reached forward to take hers, effectively stopping the fidgeting of her fingers. Her eyes looked up into his and she unconsciously bit her lower lip as their eyes locked on each other’s. Blue merging with green.

_I’m speechless and blown away,  
The little things, I’m shivering,  
The way you hold my hand._

She froze momentarily as he leaned forward to her, not out of fear, not out of nervousness. She wasn’t actually sure why she froze, but when his lips touched hers it was like she had come back to life. She pressed her lips back into his as he stood, wrapping his arms around her waist as she stayed sat in the stool, their kiss deepening. She lifted her hands and ran them though his hair, relishing in the soft tufts between her fingers with a gentle grip.

She pulled back slightly, keeping her hands in his hair, their noses barely touching as she whispered softly, “We should go… elsewhere.” A slight panic overtook her at the thought of her mother being in the same hotel while she was kissing a stranger in public. A stranger. She didn’t even know his name. Should she even be doing this? Well, it wouldn’t be the first time, and she had zero intention of being around to see him again…

She dropped her hands from his hair and stood up with his arms still around her, meaning she was just a little bit closer against him and he pressed another quick kiss to her lips before murmuring softly, “I have a room here. We can go there.”

She knew why she had a room here – there was no way she was staying in her mother’s house while she was here, and it just made sense to stay here since it’s where the event was being held. But why did he need a room here? Even she had a flat waiting for her in Seattle, and she hadn’t been back there since she was 5 years old. She had it set up and waiting for her to start her internship. The questions ran through her mind, but she simply nodded as his hand slid into her with a gentle grip, and they made their way out of the bar and over to the elevator.

“You are… beautiful,” he whispered close to her ear as his arms wrapped around her from behind and she leaned back against him, aware of the pain in her feet from being stood in heels all night. She allowed a smile to spread across her lips at his words, at the feel of the goose-bumps spreading across her skin at his warm breath.

_I’m all butterflies, I’m sky-high, for you._

Her head tilted to one side as his lips started to leave soft kisses along her neck, and she reached to pull the clip out of her hair that was previously holding it up, letting it fall in cascades over her shoulders. She felt his fingers running through her hair and closed her eyes, feeling an odd sensation of safety in his hold.

Eventually, the elevator reached his floor and a soft laugh escaped her lips as they walked out, his arm around her waist still as he led her to his room. He spoke in a low voice, amused at her laughter, “What’s so funny?”

His arm dropped from around her as he pulled his wallet out to claim his door key, unlocking the door and holding it open for her to walk inside the room first as she let him in on the joke, “My room is just down the hall.”

“Maybe it’s fate,” he joked, mirroring her grin and keeping his eyes on her as she moved over to sit on the bed in the middle of the room. Her eyes fixed on him as he moved over to the room phone and picked it up, ordering champagne to the room.

“Trying to get me drunk, huh?” She asked as he put the phone down, her eyes focused on his hands as he pulled to loosen the tie around his neck and undid the top button. She found herself biting her lower lip again and kicked her shoes off, leaning back a little on the bed with her arms stretched out behind her, using her hands for support so that she wasn’t lay all the way back on the bed.

He laughed softly, taking his suit jacket off and laying it over the chair before sitting down beside her, taking off his own shoes. His arm moved across her lap, resting his hand on her hip as he pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder with a soft murmur, “Maybe if I do, you’ll tell me your name.”

“Don’t you prefer the mystery?” She murmured back, running her fingers through his hair.

“I do enjoy the mystery, I do want to know you though, I feel this pull towards you..” his voice trailed off in a whisper as she felt his lips kissing along her shoulder, her collarbone and up her neck.

_Uncover secrets, treasure hunting days away._

Her fingertips pulled out of his hair and drifted over the stubble on his cheek, an eyebrow raised at him. She was still was wondering why he wasn’t cleanly shaven. Her mother definitely wouldn’t approve of that. You either have facial hair, or you don’t. And if you don’t, you shave before such an important event. One of her mother’s many rants that Meredith barely even listened to. To change the subject off herself, she asked the question on her mind, “You didn’t shave. This was an important event, why didn’t you shave?”

“That’s a strange question…” his eyes met hers as he looked at her curiously, confused by the question, “and the answer may actually dampen the mood just a little.”

Her eyebrows furrowed as she realised, she may have hit a nerve somehow, “I’m sorry, if I… it’s just something my mother used to say,” she said with a shrug.

He shook his head and pressed another kiss to her shoulder before laying back on the bed, and she watched as his eyes fixed on the ceiling. She lay back beside him, keeping her eyes on him as he spoke, “Two nights ago, I had this feeling. I was coming back from my Mom’s. She lives about half an hour from here, I left early that night. I got home, and I had this feeling, and when I stepped inside my house, inside my bedroom, I found my now ex-fiancée in the throes with some guy. I didn’t stick around to see who it even was. I left. I drove around a bit. I still had my suitcase in my car from being at my Mom’s. I haven’t even spoken to _her_ yet,” she gave him a warm, sympathetic smile as his head turned to face her, “But yeah, I drank. A lot. And then slept for far too long and didn’t have time to shave.”

Her hand reached forward, and her fingertips drifted over the stubble once more. He covered the back of her hand with his and brought her hand to his lips, planting a soft kiss on her palm. The sensation brought another small smile to her lips and he moved a little closer to her. He dropped her hand and snaked his arm around her waist to pull her closer against him.

“Enough about that. Besides, if that hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have met you in the bar just now, and I wouldn’t be able to lose myself in your gorgeous eyes, be able touch and kiss your soft skin,” for some form of effect he lowered his head a moment to press a soft kiss to her shoulder, before nudging the tip of his nose against her hair, inhaling, “and smell the lavender in your hair… My beautiful, gorgeous mystery girl,” her breath caught a little in her throat at his words. Sure, she’d had compliments before. She’d had one-night stands before. She even dated a couple times, until she found the act pointless anyhow. No-one had ever spoken to her like that. She felt… she didn’t know. She didn’t know this feeling. The warmth that spread through her whole body.

She managed to catch herself a moment, to pull herself back to reality to respond to his words, a playful tone in her voice, “You’re a bit of a romantic, aren’t you?”

Before he could answer, a knock on the door startled both of them apart and he got back up off the bed, heading over to the door. She sat up and couldn’t bring herself to keep her off him. She watched the way he walked over; her eyes fixated on his ass. She found herself biting her lip again, imagining him without the clothes on. Next thing she knew, he was looking back at her with a questioning look on in his eyes as he held the champagne with two glasses, “Everything okay there?”

Pretending like she wasn’t just ogling him like piece of man candy, she rolled her eyes and stood up from where she was sat as she spoke, “Are we drinking the champagne or what?”

He set the glasses down on the small table in the room, and she couldn’t stop her ogling of his every movement as he opened the champagne bottle, her tongue running along her lower lip at the thoughts playing in her mind. The loud pop of the bottle being opened brought her back to reality. She stood up off the bed to approach him as he poured them both a glass and she stood close beside him, suddenly feeling weighed down by the dress she was wearing. She picked up a glass and took a sip, neither of them saying a word just yet.

_Stumbling on diamonds, I’m speechless and blown away._

She set the glass down again after a moment, a small amount of liquid still in the bottom as she reached behind her to loosen the tie at the small of her back and then turned so her back was facing him, talking in a small voice, “Help me with the zip?”

She bit her lip gently as she anticipated his response. After a small pause, she felt his fingers brush her hair to one side, his hot breath against he back of her neck as he slowly unzipped the back of her dress. Once the dress was fully unzipped, she felt his fingers reaching around her waist and his soft lips pressing soft kisses down her neck, and she melted back into his touch. His hands reached up her front to brush along the underside of her breasts, causing her breath to catch in her throat and she bit her lip harder, close to drawing blood, and she felt the pressure of his chest pressed against her bare back. His hands moved to her shoulders, slowly pushing the dress down her shoulders, and without the support of the straps on her shoulders, the whole dress dropped to a pool at her feet, leaving her almost naked in front of him.

Reluctantly, she stepped forward away from him, feeling a shiver at the loss of his touch as she picked up her glass again, swallowing the harsh bubbles as she turned to look at him, noticing the desire in his eyes as they swept over her body and then locked on her eyes. She kept the rim of the now empty champagne glass close to her lips as she spoke, “You have too many clothes on.”

She watched as her words broke him out of his trance-like state, his eyes flickering to her lips a second as he half-smirked, his fingers moving to unbutton his crisp, white shirt. She kept her eyes locked on his movements, knowing his eyes were on her to watch her reaction as he revealed his toned, slightly tanned torso as he took off the shirt. Her eyes caught his waist, where his dress pants were hanging particularly low and she felt herself biting her lower lip again as he moved closer to her, taking the glass out of her hand and placing it back on the table. They stood face-to face, barely touching until his reached his thumb to tug at her lower lip, releasing it from her teeth as he spoke in a low, husky voice, “I don’t think you realise, you biting your lip is making it very hard for me to think, among other things…”

She looked up at him through her lashes, her lips slightly parted, his touch sending tiny shockwaves through her. With her eyes still locked on his, her fingers reached forward to unclip his dress pants, her fingertips tracing the line where the fabric met his skin before giving them a gentle push off his hips so that they fell at his feet. The single motion must have pushed him over the edge because the next thing she knew, his lips crashed down against hers, and she responded instantly, her built-up need for his lips on hers taking over. Her mind was lost as she returned his passion, her tongue begging for entrance into his mouth by running along his teeth. Without breaking the kiss, he lifted her up with his hands secure at her thighs and brought her legs around him as he fell on the bed with her.

_When it feels like this, like a light came on,  
When you look at me, say I'm all you want.  
I got everything at my fingertips,  
How can I resist when it feels like this?_

* * *

She woke with a sudden start, the early morning sunlight streaming through the gap in the window dimly lighting the room and shining right into her eyes. She groaned and rolled over, just now realising she wasn’t in her own room. She sat up suddenly and looked to her side, wincing at the sight of the naked man beside her and then wincing again with the pain that shot through her head.

She looked around the room and her eyes landed on the clock that sat on the table beside the bed. Her flight was due to leave in almost five hours and she hadn’t even packed yet. She looked around again, locating her dress from the previous evening at the end of the bed, hanging over the end of the mattress. She groaned softly again as she reached forward to grab it, putting it back on as she got out of the bed.

She heard his groan from the bed as he rolled over, moving over the area she had just vacated. She watched a moment, ensuring he was still asleep before she moved to grab her bag and shoes. A small pad on the desk caught her eyes and she momentarily put her things down as she wrote him a quick note. With one last glance, she picked her things up and left the room, as quiet as she could. At least she’d had some fun in New York.

* * *

**Feels Like This – Maisie Peters.**


	2. Stupid

Meredith sat on the shoreline, looking out on the ocean as she thought about the past year of her life. So much had changed, yet everything was still the same. Intern year had been… exhausting. Which was an understatement. Long hours, a hectic schedule, being the bottom of the surgical food chain. She'd be thankful to never be put on scut again in her life. The time that passed felt like a lifetime, rather than just a single year in her residency lifetime.

As suspected, everyone knew who her mother was, but the only special treatment she felt like she was getting was from her Chief of Surgery, Dr Richard Webber, although she couldn't figure out why. The most that she knew, they'd done their residency together up until Ellis moved Meredith with her to the other side of the state to Boston. Her resident, Dr Miranda Bailey, made sure to never give her any special treatment.

She heard from her mother on the odd occasion throughout the year, although hadn't seen her. Her mother had called after the bomb incident. Apparently, it had been featured on the news, and Ellis had called Richard, as a fellow chief of surgery, to ask about her daughter's safety. When Ellis realised just how involved Meredith had been in the situation, it was safe to say she wasn't happy with her daughter. She almost threatened to come all the way out to Seattle, or drag her daughter to New York, but she had managed to assuage her mother's fears and neither event had happened. Both Greys had spent the holidays working, as was usual for Ellis, so Meredith figured she'd do the same, much to the dismay of Izzie Stevens, a fellow surgical intern. A friend, maybe? I guess she could squeeze Izzie into that category. She felt like the only person who actually understood her was Cristina Yang. They were each other's person.

Cristina was the reason she had even taken a holiday abroad during their two weeks off before they officially became residents. Cristina had become involved with the Head of Cardiothoracic surgery, insisting initially that it was purely to fulfil her sexual needs, but by the end of the year they were engaged to be married. Until he left her at the altar anyway. Hence, the reason they were in Hawaii, might as well not waste the honeymoon that had been booked and paid for. Cristina spent most of the time drunk, however, and was currently hungover back in her hotel room as Meredith, who only suffered from a slight headache, roamed the beaches, until deciding to sit facing out at the ocean, where she was now.

They were due to head back to Seattle the night after next, and both were itching to get back to surgery and the fast pace of the hospital. If Meredith had ever doubted wanting to follow her mother into a career of surgery, she definitely didn't now. Her focus, however, was still on neurosurgery, unlike her mother's career choice of general surgery, much to Ellis' constant disapproval. The only thing her mother seemed to approve of was that she had come out top of her class in the surgical intern exam – not quite 100% but 98.5% was still acceptable. As she thought about that conversation with her mother, her eyes rolled.

A strange sensation began to creep over Meredith, a chill on the bare parts of her skin, despite the scorching hot sun that she bathed in. A feeling like she was being watched, although the beach had appeared pretty empty when she arrived. It was probably around midday now, as she noticed more people were making their way down to the beach, so she figured that must be it. She kept her gaze out at the ocean, anyhow, currently debating as to whether or not wade into the water for a moment before heading back to the hotel and getting Cristina up for lunch.

Just as she was about to stand up from the sand, a hand rested on her shoulder, causing her to physically jump, and she heard his low voice, laced with surprise, "Funny seeing you here."

* * *

_Only think about him on the weekdays and weekends,  
Only in the mornings and evenings,  
Only when I wake up and sleep in, oh my God_

* * *

He couldn't believe he'd let Mark drag him out here for the last week of their two-week break before the real residency race began back in New York. True, he welcomed the break, but he'd spent most of the vacation on his own, roaming the small town and the beaches, while Mark was off with a new girl each day, each night even. He couldn't deny though, it was peaceful, and that particular late morning he was drawn to taking a stroll along a stretch of quiet beach he hadn't yet explored.

As he walked along beside the rocks that lined the meeting place of the sand and the pavement, he could only see a few people dotted along the shore. He was particularly intrigued by the silhouette of a woman, who faced the ocean away from him, seemingly deep in thought. Her eyes were covered by dark sunglasses, a see-through beach dress barely covering the sun-kissed bare skin that wasn't covered by her navy coloured bikini. As he focused on her more, his mind wandered back to that night, the night of the intern mixer. He definitely recognised…

He squinted a little and started to walk a little closer to the woman. He definitely recognised that hair, that body, that had been imprinted in his mind since that first night. No other girl could have compared, hence why he hadn't been involved with anyone during his internship, much to the relentless teasing of Mark Sloan, infamous man-whore. Was it simply a coincidence that she was here?

He debated a moment whether he should approach her or leave her to her own thoughts. Whatever arguments his mind was making were drowned out by his intense need to just be near her again, to feel the energy and electricity that had so obviously been between them that night. He slowly approached her, and she didn't even seem to realise he was there. Well, until he crouched beside her, placing his hand on her shoulder, and she almost jumped out of her skin as he spoke, "Funny seeing you here."

_Should have read the warning on the label, I don't,  
Said proceed with caution, but I won't,  
Guess I do it often, I know,  
I'm already gone._

He watched as her hand flew to her chest, a light blush colouring her lightly freckled cheeks as she looked at him, not yet saying anything as she lowered her sunglasses slightly to look at him properly. They both stared at each other a moment, and she tilted her head to the side a little as she spoke, "Derek? What are you doing here?"

He chuckled softly, "My friend, Mark, he dragged me out here," he played with a strand of her hair between his fingers, moving into a more comfortable sitting position beside her as he spoke, directing the question back at her, "What are you doing here?"

He watched as her lips pressed together, thinking about her answer as he searched her green eyes, having missed the familiarity he felt the first time they met. "I guess, technically, I'm on a honeymoon?"

This took him by surprised, being lost in her eyes he simply heard the word honeymoon and withdrew his fingers from her hair as he furrowed his brow in confusion, "You're married? I'm sorry, I didn't – "

She cut him off with her melodic laughter, which only confused him more and he watched as she lay back in the sand still laughing, wiping at a tear under her eye before covering her eyes again with the sunglasses with an amused sigh. He looked down at her, still greatly confused at her reaction. What was so funny? Her head turned to look at him after a short moment and she finally let him in on the supposed joke, "I'm not married, no one is married, or involved. My friend was supposed to get married, and they didn't get married, so we're on her honeymoon."

He laughed softly, relieved, and moved to lay beside her in the sand, keeping his eyes on her, "I see, well to even the playing field, I'm neither married, nor involved." He reached his hand to her hair again, running his fingers through it and then over her cheek as he studied her face. He thought again back to that night, or more specifically the morning after, when he woke up alone. She hadn't said goodbye, not directly to him anyway. She'd left a note, a note he still kept in his locker at the hospital. But she didn't even leave a name, never mind a number to contact her on. He spoke in a soft whisper, unable to keep his eyes off her as his fingertips brushed against her sun-kissed cheek, "I missed you, you know. You didn't even say goodbye."

* * *

_It's sad but true,  
I'd go to hell and back,  
If I could go there with you,  
What do I do?_

* * *

She couldn't believe who lay in the sand beside her. She didn't expect to see him again, and if she did, she always assumed it would be back in New York when her mother would inevitably her to visit the hospital. She definitely didn't think she'd see him in Hawaii, of all places. Her brow furrowed at his accusation of her not saying goodbye to him, trying to ignore the feeling running through her at the touch of his fingers brushing against her cheek. She reached her own hand forward to run through the hair on the side of his head as she spoke, a small smirk playing on her lips, "I left you a note."

He shuffled closer to her, leaning forward so that his lips were close to her ear, and a chill ran through her at his low voice, "I wanted to at least kiss you goodbye, you didn't even leave your name, a number…" His voice trailed over as he pressed a soft kiss under her ear and then along her jawline, and she closed her eyes to focus on his gentle touch.

After an agonising second, his lips eventually touched against hers with a slight pressure, which she returned with a little more force. At her instant response, his arm slid around her waist and pulled her closer against him, not once breaking their kiss as she half lay on him, her hair draping down the side of her face and brushing his bare chest. His free hand brushed into her hair, pushing it back as their lips moved in synchronisation, portraying an unspoken need between them.

She pulled back after a moment with a soft laugh as her sunglasses fell forward onto his face, and he grinned back at her, pushing them on to the top of her head so that he could look into her eyes. Before she knew it, he had moved her on to her back as he hovered above her, one arm supporting him at the side of her head as he leant down to brush his lips over hers in a chaste kiss. She raised an eyebrow at him, noticing the slight darkening of the blue in the iris of his eye, "What are you planning?"

"How we can make up for the past year in one night," he murmured softly as he pressed kisses down her neck, and she felt that shiver run through her body again. You wouldn't think it was almost 85 ͦ Fahrenheit outside. She felt his body press down familiarly on hers with a gentle pressure, and she pushed slightly back up against him, her fingers tangled into his hair as she felt the pool of desire between her thighs at the feel of his arousal pressed against her.

A soft murmur just about audibly left her lips as she moaned softly, "Maybe we should go somewhere else to make up for the lost time."

His teeth gently nipped the skin of her neck, enticing another soft moan from Meredith's parted lips, and his face reappeared in front of hers with a slight smirk on his lips. "Good idea," he moved off her and stood up, holding his hand out for her.

She shook her head with a soft laugh, not taking his hand as she stood up and returned her sunglasses over her eyes at the harsh light of the sun, sliding her shoes back on. She felt his arm slide around her waist as he watched her, and she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, "I have to go make sure Cristina is still alive first. I was supposed to take her to lunch before you showed up."

"I'll walk with you, I'm not letting you out of my sight anytime soon," he gave her a grin and she rolled her eyes at him before they set off walking, his arm still around her, making their way back to her hotel. They stayed quiet as they walked along the sand, just enjoying being in each other's presence, not that Meredith would admit that out loud. She figured Derek probably would though, he was prone to slightly romantic outbursts, as she recalled.

As they reached the pavement, she gave him a quick glance before speaking, "So, how's your first year of residency been treating you?"

"It's been… exhausting. Which is probably an understatement, as you know. Everyone is very competitive, but I survived relatively unscathed," he looked down to her inquisitively, "You never actually told me where you were doing your residency?"

She looked up at him with a playful grin on her lips as she spoke, "I thought you liked the mystery," she shrugged her shoulders a little, "I'll just say that I live in Seattle."

He laughed at her playfulness, "Well that narrows it down to about six different possible places I'd be able to find you."

"Such a stalker," she shook her head, returning his laugh as they walked into the hotel and she led him over to the elevator. "We're on the top floor," she told him as she pressed the corresponding floor button and the doors closed behind them.

Her eyes met Derek's as he faced her, his back to the doors as he studied her face. She raised an eyebrow, her lower lip trapped in her teeth, fully aware of the effect it seemed to have on him. He released a low chuckle and stepped closer to her, leaning forward as though he was about to kiss her, but only pressing a soft kiss to the tip of her nose just before the doors opened again on her floor.

He stepped out of the elevator before her while she recollected herself a moment and then followed him, stepping in front of him to lead him down the hall to her room. She opened the door and let him in as she spoke, "We have adjoining rooms. Stay here, I'll be right back."

She watched him a moment as he moved on to the bed, leaning against the headboard with his legs out in front of him. She shook her head at his playful grin, unable to stop smiling herself and went through the door into Cristina's room, closing it behind her. She approached the bed to find Cristina still asleep, lay face down on the bed with the curtains still closed shut, her wild hair strewn across the pillows.

She walked over to the window and opened the curtains, causing Cristina to groan loudly and exclaim, "What the hell are you doing?"

"You can't stay in bed all day, Cristina, it's our last full day," she moved to sit beside her friend on the bed who reached over to push her weakly, but Meredith just laughed, "You asked me to do this! It's almost 1pm, go and do something productive with your last full day here."

Cristina turned to look at her this time, "I thought you were about to drag me to go eat like you normally do, why do I have to entertain myself?"

"I might have plans…?" Meredith looked at her sheepishly, biting her lip as Cristina laughed out loud.

"You have plans? And what are those plans?" Cristina teased her, having previously been told two weeks before that Meredith was swearing off boys after the whole incident with the vet.

She shrugged, trying to act nonchalant, "I may have run into somebody, who I may or may not have met in New York almost a year ago…"

"Meredith G –"

Meredith clamped her hand over Cristina's mouth, knowing Derek would be able to hear her from her room next door, hissing out her words, "Cristina! He doesn't know…"

"He's here?" she sat up now, looking around her room and then looking back at Meredith, confused, and then realising, "He's in your room?!"

"Yes, he is, and he doesn't know who my mother is, and I'd prefer to keep it that way," she spoke in an almost whisper, hoping Derek didn't hear their conversation. She climbed off the bed as Cristina just laughed at her.

"Oh, I'll find a way to entertain myself. Mer, go and spend time with your McDreamy," she said through her laughter. Meredith picked up a pillow and threw it at her as she used the dreadful nickname previously coined after Meredith first told Cristina the story, "Don't be late for the plane back!"

Meredith was pretty sure her cheeks had gone bright red as she shook her head, going back into her room and looking up at Derek as she closed the door behind her. He was sat in the same position but was now looking at her with a raised eyebrow as what she suspected was a pillow hitting the closed door behind her. She laughed a little nervously as she spoke, "Sorry about that."

He laughed softly and patted the mattress beside him, beckoning her over as he spoke, "There's nothing to be sorry for, Meredith."

"I'm going to kill her…" she muttered under her breath as she moved over to the bed, ignoring the invitation to sit beside him, as she sat in his lap, straddling his hips. She did enjoy the way he said her name, though. She didn't even fully realise she was still muttering until Derek placed a finger over her lips and she stopped, feeling the heat rising in her cheeks again as she mumbled against his finger, "Sorry."

"Stop apologising," his voice was soft as he moved his finger away to press his lips against hers in a gentle movement with a soft murmur of her name once more, "Meredith." She welcomed the touch of his lips against hers as her fingers ran through his hair as his hands gripped at her waist, and they got lost in each other.

* * *

_You're so bad for my health  
But I just can't help myself  
I'm so stupid for you  
(I'm so stupid for you)  
I'm so stupid for you._

* * *

Later that afternoon they lay together in the bed, Derek's arms circling her waist as her head lay on his chest, his fingers stroking up and down slowly along her bare spine. After a moment of blissful silence, she looked up to him and he looked back to her as he felt her movement, she spoke in a quiet voice, "When do you head back to New York?"

He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, inhaling the lavender scent of her hair, "Tomorrow night."

Her eyebrows rose as she looked up at him, "We have a connecting flight in New York, not much of a layover, though."

"Well, I'm glad we found each other today rather than on the plane to New York," he lowered his lips to hers in a soft kiss, capturing her there for a moment before pulling his lips back again, raising one hand to cup her cheek, "We should make the most of our time together."

She gave him a small smile, knowing she couldn't get too attached. Sure, he was good in bed, but surely that's all this was? That's all this could be. She shrugged a little, "What did you have in mind?"

"I mean, we could get to know each other a little better," at the grimace on her face at his words he laughed a little, "Or not."

She pulled back from him, wrapping a sheet around herself as she sat up to look at him lay in her bed, biting her lip gently. She hesitated a moment before speaking, "It's not… I mean, you're great, really, but this," she gestured between the two of them, "I'm not a long-distance kind of girl. I'm not even a short-distance kind of girl," she sighed softly at his confused expression, "I'm trying to say, I don't do relationships, I don't do whirlwind romance."

His eyes locked with hers a moment before he moved to a sitting position in front of her, the sheets covering the lower half of his body. He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss against her knuckles before he spoke, "Meredith," the way her name rolled of his tongue was seriously starting to break her resolve, "I'm not asking for anything like that. Let's get some dinner. And then, we can do whatever you like, even if that's coming back here and spending the rest of our time in bed together," he dropped her hand and his arms slid around her waist and he moved closer to her, his legs on either side of her as he pressed his lips gently to the side of her neck. A soft moan escaped her lips and she melted into him as his teeth nipped her skin, and he murmured softly, "Let me wine and dine you, my mystery girl."

* * *

_Ooh I wonder how you do it,  
_ _Make me feel stupid,_  
Try to fight it off,  
But it's useless,  
I'm so foolish, fooling around with you

* * *

**Stupid – Tate McRae.**


	3. Lets Fall In Love For The Night

_You need a pick-me-up?  
I'll be there in twenty-five._

He pulled up outside her hotel in the car he'd rented to take her out for that night. They'd arranged that he got back to his hotel and they'd meet again at half-six outside her hotel, he'd pick her up and take her out for the night.

She wasn't waiting outside yet when he pulled up; it was only 6:25. He turned off the engine and stepped out the car, brushing his hands over the crisp white shirt to rid the few creases that had formed while he was driving. He locked the BMW convertible and had started to walk into the hotel lobby just as she walked out of the door. His eyes scanned over her body, taking in her appearance as a grin spread over his lips. She responded to his grin with one of her own, and he watched as her hand reached to push a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

_I like to push my luck,  
So take my hand, let's take a drive._

"Hey," he stepped forward and held a hand out to her, "Ready to go?"

"Hey," she stepped forward also and took his hand, linking their fingers together, "I'm ready."

He gently pulled her forward and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, a warmth spreading through him as she felt her respond, their lips moving together in a short dance. It may have not been that long since they'd last been together, but since he'd left her in her hotel room to get ready, he had been missing her.

_I've been livin' in the future,  
Hoping I might see you sooner._

He pulled back before leading her over to the car, opening the passenger door for he was sure he was situated, he went and climbed into the driver's side and fastened his seatbelt before turning the engine on. His hand reached over and rested on her thigh a second with a slight squeeze. She looked up at him, the grin still on her lips as she spoke, "Where are we going?"

He chuckled and shook his head, "I'm the one with the mysteries this time."

She laughed softly, music to his ears, and shook her head a little bit but kept her eyes on him, "You'll never drop that will you?"

He leant forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek, "Just enjoy the moment, enjoy the night with me. Forget everything else."

"Okay," she spoke in a soft whisper and took his hand in hers, linking their fingers together as he started to drive off. He saw her out of the corner of his eye, lowering her sunglasses over her eyes and looking out to the shoreline as he drove.

_I want you riding shotgun,  
I knew I got one right._

Every time he glanced over to look at her, her eyes were focused on the scenery around them. It took everything he had not to continue staring at her and to focus on the road he was driving along. They were almost at their destination, and he was glad he had found this restaurant a few days earlier. When he'd seen it, his first thought had been that he wanted to be there with Meredith, and by some chance of fate, he was going there with her now. He still couldn't believe they'd found each other out here.

He eventually arrived at the restaurant, pulling the car into a free space in the gravel parking lot. He released her hand to get out the car, walking round to hold her door open as she climbed out, taking her hand again in his. He closed the door behind her and gently tugged her close against him, pressing a soft kiss to her lips with a quiet murmur, "You look beautiful."

A soft blush rose to her cheeks at his words and she murmured back against his lips, "Thank you."

His hand released her hand only to rest on the small of her back, the design of the dress she wore meaning he was touching her bare skin. They walked inside the restaurant, and he only dropped his arm once the server had taken them to their table. He had managed to reserve them a table that gave them a view of the white sandy beach and clear blue water. The sun had begun to set over the horizon, and if Meredith weren't sat across from him at the table, it would have been the most beautiful sight for him to look at.

After a quick look through the menu, his gaze settled on watching her decide her own order, noticing the slight frown line on her forehead as she tried to choose. He reached his hand across the table, and she looked up when she noticed it, before placing her hand in his with a soft smile, her features relaxing again as she smiled softly at him.

Her gaze went back to the menu and he quietly played with her fingers, enjoying being in her company once more. She eventually set the menu down and he didn't miss the way her teeth captured her lower lip, stirring up feelings deep in his stomach, wishing they weren't in a public space with a table between them.

A waiter approached them to take their orders and Derek ordered a bottle of wine for the two of them to complement their meal. Once the waiter left, a silence settled and they simply looked at each other again, as though committing one another to memory.

"So, what's it like doing your internship in New York?" She broke the silence between them, not that it felt uncomfortable at all.

"I don't think I've been more sleep deprived in my life," he released a short chuckle, "It's been good though, definitely an immersive experience. I don't regret choosing to become a surgeon."

"Have you thought about what specialty you want to go into?" She enquired, the look in her eyes telling him she was genuinely interested in his answer.

"I've always wanted to go into neurosurgery, I think I made the decision in pre-med. My father is a trauma surgeon, and always wanted me to follow a similar pathway, but I prefer the… intricateness of neurosurgery, maybe I'm just too much of a perfectionist." A sudden thought passed through him, he knew she was doing her residency, she hadn't denied it when he'd mentioned it earlier that day, but she hadn't specified much else to him. He just assumed she was starting an internship when he met her in New York. "So, what have you been doing since New York, since you finished med school?"

She grinned softly with a short laugh, "You guessed right earlier, internship. Also, surgical," she shrugged a little, "I think I've wanted to go into neurosurgery since I was about five years old, though."

"Oh," her answer surprised him, but before he could say anymore the server returned with their bottle of wine, pouring them each a glass before setting the bottle down on the table. Derek thanked them and they nodded before retreating from the table again. His attention turned back to Meredith, "That's a young age to know what you want in life."

He could tell she was being careful with what she revealed to him when she hesitated before speaking, "I've spent a lot of time in hospitals. Not sick," she added quickly, almost as if to reassure him, but it didn't ease his curiosity at the statement, "I could do a running whip stitch by the time I was ten," she revealed with a small laugh. "Did you not spend a lot of time in the hospital with your dad being a surgeon?"

He shrugged a little as he took a sip of the wine, savouring the taste before answering her question, "Not too much, my Mom didn't work, she stayed home with us so there wasn't much need to hang around the hospital, I guess. I know there were some surgeons whose children grew up in the daycare centre and would be around the hospital, but she didn't want us, my sisters and me, to be around it all too much. Just the odd visit every week or so if he was working longer shifts."

"Ah, I was one of those kids," she laughed again and continued after another moment of the same hesitation, "It was just me and my Mom since I was about three, so I spent a lot of time hanging out in the hospital. Hard to not want to be a surgeon when you spent your days in the galleries."

"Your mother is a surgeon?" He asked, wanting to know more, wondering if he might know her from one of the hospitals in New York.

He was slightly disappointed with the lack of information he revealed in her response, "Yeah, she is."

"What does she think of your neurosurgery calling?" Maybe that would get him some more information.

Meredith just shrugged and said, "There's been a few arguments." Apparently, she wouldn't be speaking any more about her mother. "Is your family in New York?"

Derek nodded, "Yeah, my dad is working at Mount Sinai hospital at the moment."

"Now that you say it, I may have met him once," she mused, as though her mind was elsewhere.

The server returned now with their meals and the conversation continued as they ate their respective meals. He was cautious not to bring up anything that clearly made her uncomfortable to talk about, mainly the more personal things about her, but they did share their own stories from throughout their internship, their experiences and surgeries they had witnessed. He did note that there seemed to be a bit more drama going on at her own hospital than at his.

As they finished off their food, Derek spoke again, "Do you want dessert?" When Meredith shook her head, he made another suggestion, "Walk along the beach?"

He kept his eyes on her as she turned to look out the ocean, the darkness now creeping up on them with the moon a visible reflection in the water and she spoke in a quiet voice, "Yeah, I'd like that."

She turned to look back at him with a smile, this time initiating their holding of hands by reaching across the table for him. He gladly let her take his hand in her own, unable to keep the smile off his face as she began playing with his fingers this time.

The server came over then with the bill, and he took out his card to pay before Meredith could react and he didn't miss the frown on her face, "I could've at least paid half."

He shook his head and squeezed his fingers around hers, "You can pay next time." She laughed softly and shook her head a little at him before standing up as he did, their hands staying interlocked. "I'll drive us back to my hotel and we can walk along the shore line there," he pulled her closer to him and pressed a kiss to her lips with a soft whisper so that only she could here, "and then we can continue this afternoon's activities there."

* * *

Shortly after, they found themselves walking along the shoreline of the beach that was overlook by Derek's hotel. They'd left their shoes in the car to walk barefoot in the sand, and Derek had passed offered Meredith his jacket which now hung over her shoulders as they walked hand in hand.

They came to a stop as Meredith turned to look out at the calm water, and Derek moved to slide his arms around her from behind. She spoke in a quiet voice as his cheek touched against hers, "It's so calming, looking out at the water."

Derek nodded in agreement, "It's nice, being around the calm after the hectic environment of the hospital."

"Hmm," Meredith hummed softly and started to sway a little with him and murmured softly, "I find comfort in the pace of the hospital sometimes," she gave him a small grin as she shrugged, "I've always been around the hospital environment, it's basically a second home for me. Watching surgery… it's my happy place. I can't wait to start doing more than holding a retractor."

_I love it when you talk that nerdy shit,  
We're in our twenties talking thirty shit._

He chuckled softly and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, "I get that." He grinned softly as she turned, her fingers running through his hair and he mused slightly, "I don't let anyone touch my hair, you know," when she started to withdraw her hands he added, "I like it when you run your fingers through my hair though, especially when you're gripping my hair," his voice lowered as a slight smirk spread across his lips.

_We're making money but we're saving it,  
Cause talking shit is cheap and we talk a lot of it._

He watched as a slight blush rose on her cheeks, but she slid her hands back into his hair with a gentle grip, "I like having my fingers in your hair," she moved on to her tip toes to press a soft kiss to his lips and he held her tighter around her waist to pull her up against him closer.

He pressed his lips harder against hers, his tongue running over her lip desperate to get lost in her essence. A soft groan escaped from deep within him as she pressed her body against his, their lips locked together as their tongues lightly danced with one another.

As they separated slightly to catch their breath, he murmured softly, "I can't get enough of you." He pressed his forehead gently to hers and pressed a soft kiss to the tip of her nose, enticing a soft giggle from Meredith's lips which in turn put a grin on his lips. He pressed her lips against hers again in a deep, passionate movement and as he held her even tighter, his jacket fell off her shoulders and on to the sand.

_You won't stay with me I know,  
But you can have your way with me till you go,  
And if all your kisses turn into bruises, I'm a warning._

* * *

Only twenty minutes later, he had taken her back to his hotel room, neither able to stop touching the other, whether attacking each other with kisses in the elevator ride up, or keeping their hands linked between them. As Derek unlocked the door to his hotel room, Meredith's lips pressed against his neck in soft kisses, causing him to fumble with the lock on the door as she distracted him. Once he finally got the door open, he lifted her at the waist, causing her to squeal slightly as he carried her through into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

He lay her on the bed and hovered over her with a wicked grin on his face and she giggled softly, looking up at him as her fingers worked to unbutton his shirt. He moved to press his lips against her neck, his movements a little rougher as he pressed down against her, feeling her warmth against him.

_Let's fall in love for the night,  
And forget in the morning._

He couldn't describe the way he felt her about her in that moment, but it was just so overwhelming, and he wanted to show her how he felt, but this was the only way he knew how to show his feelings. His fingers moved to the bottom of her dress, pushing the skirt up over hips as he gently sucked on the skin of her clavicle, the sound of her soft moans being music to his ears.

_Play me a song that you like,  
You can bet I'll know every line._

He couldn't even start to think about whether or not she'd been with other guys or let them touch her. But in this moment, he didn't care, because he was the one with her now. She could be his for tonight, and if fate were on his side, he would find her again. He just knew as long as made it as memorable for her and it was for him, she wouldn't want to be with anyone else, and she would wait for him.

 _'Cause I'm the boy that your boy hoped that you would avoid.  
Don't waste your eyes on jealous guys, fuck that noise_,  
 _I know better than to ever call you mine._

* * *

**Lets Fall In Love For The Night – FINNEAS.**


	4. You Were Good To Me

He stood behind her with his arms locked around her waist as she leant back against the front of his bare chest. His chin rested gently on her shoulder as they looked out at the water, stood on his balcony. His soft whisper sounded in her ear, "I could stay like this with you forever."

_Lyin' isn't better than silence,  
_ _Floatin', but I feel like I'm dying._

She tensed a little at his words, feeling the drop in her stomach as she swallowed, closing her eyes as she realised what she had to say to him. Her voice broke a little as she spoke, "Derek, I can't… we can't do this." She pulled away from him and walked back into his hotel room, unbuttoning his shirt she was wearing.

_Still, no matter where I go,  
_ _At the end of every road,  
_ _You were good to me._

Before he could respond to her sudden withdrawal, a loud knock sounded on his door and a voice shouted from the other side, "Derek! Where the hell are you?"

He darted across the room to Meredith, speaking in a quiet voice, "Keep that on. I'll be one second, okay?" He used his eyes to plead with her, and once she nodded, buttoning the shirt back up, he went to the door.

Mark was stood there, a grin on his face, "There you are! I was starting to think you'd gone missing, if it wasn't for all that noise I heard last night -"

Derek cut him off in an attempt to save Meredith from embarrassment, "Mark, shut up. What do you want?"

"Well we have to go catch our flight home in two hours, are you ready?" As he took in Derek's appearance, hair a mess and only in his boxers, he realised his friend was far from ready, "You could at least be dressed by now."

When Mark made a move to enter the room, Derek tried to stop him, "Mark you can't come in just now. I'll be ready."

Mark laughed and pushed past him, "What could you possibly be... Well, hello there."

Derek groaned as he turned and followed Mark into the room, where he'd evidently found Meredith who was waiting in the bed for Derek to come back. She responded to Mark, the sheet held around her, "You must be Mark Sloan, infamous manwhore."

Derek stifled a laugh as Meredith raised an eyebrow, "Mark, this is Meredith."

"Wait not Meredith? Really? Well, that's a surprise."

"What do you mean?" Meredith shot a questioning look at Derek but it was Mark that responded.

"The Meredith that stopped Derek from even looking at another girl this past year," Mark said with a roll of his eyes.

Meredith laughed softly, her eyes on Derek, "Is that so?" She became aware of how close Derek and Mark actually we're at this point, and asides from her aversion to the fact Mark was at this point a self-proclaimed manwhore, she actually found herself liking him.

"Mark, you can leave now," Derek spoke as he attempted to usher his friend out of the room, "I'll be ready to leave in two hours when the airport cab gets here."

"Okay, okay, I'm leaving," Mark held up his hands as he retreated out of the room, and then shouted to Meredith, "Bye Meredith!"

Meredith bit her lip as she waited for Derek to return from closing the door after Mark.

He climbed on the bed beside her as he spoke, "I'm sorry about Mark, I swear he has no boundaries."

Meredith shrugged a little, a smile of amusement playing on her lips, "It's okay."

"Now, back to our conversation," he slid his arms around her, guiding her to sit between his legs and pressing a soft kiss to the side of her head, "I know. I know you can't. I know we can't. But I just want you to know how I feel about you. I don't want you to doubt that."

_Leaving isn't better than trying,  
_ _Growing, but I'm just growing tired._

As he spoke, her head nestled on his shoulder and she bit her lip again. After Mark's announcement, she was very aware of the little time they had left to spend with each other before reality set in again. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she spoke, "If things were different, if this was another life... but I really can't. And it's not you, and to an extent, it's not even the distance."

His fingers ran through her hair and he pressed a soft kiss against the top of her head, "What is it?"

She buried her face against his neck with a soft murmur, "I can't tell you."

_Now I'm worried for my soul,  
_ _And I'm scared of growing old,  
_ _You were good to me._

"It's okay, I trust you," she didn't doubt for a second that he did trust her, and it made her feel worse about the fact that she couldn't tell him everything. About her mother, about how she been raised. She couldn't even risk jeopardising his career like that, by being openly involved with him. His fingers drifted over her cheek before touching her chin, gently bringing her lips to his in a soft, slow kiss, which she reciprocated without a second thought. He murmured softly against her lips, "I want to make love to you, one last time."

She nodded, keeping her lips locked in a kiss with his and she reached to lock her fingers in his hair, moving so that she was now straddling him, their hips pressed together as their kiss depended. He rolled them over so that she was underneath him, ready to worship every inch of her body until he had to let her go again.

_And I'm so used to letting go,  
_ _But I don't want to be alone,  
_ _You were good to me,  
_ _You were good to me, yeah._

Their movements eventually slowed, still tangled in one another as they lay in the bed, breathing heavily, sated. He pressed soft kisses to the back of her shoulder and to her neck, not wanting to let go. Not wanting to catch the flight back to New York. He just wanted to stay with her forever, go wherever she was going.

She turned in his arms to face him and pressed a short, soft kiss to his lips before pulling back again to look at him, "I should get going."

He stole another kiss from her with a soft murmur, "I know."

_God only knows where our fears go,  
_ _Hearts I've broke, now my tears flow,  
_ _You'll see that I'm sorry,  
_ _Cause you were good to me._

She laughed softly as she kissed him again, "I really should, or you might miss your flight."

He hummed softly in agreement but continued to press soft kisses against her lips, speaking between each one, "Does... this... really... have... to... end..."

She sighed softly and pulled back a little further from him, so that they couldn't distract each other any further, "I'm sorry, Derek."

His hand reached forward, cupping her cheek in his palm, "Maybe we can swap numbers, and if you're in New York again..."

She took a shaky breath, pulling away further so that his hand dropped away and she climbed out of the bed, pulling his shirt back on that she had been wearing earlier, "I don't plan being in New York again if I have to."

He watched as she turned away from him to gather her things and he sat up in the bed, "Won't you visit your mother?" He asked, slightly confused as to why she didn't want to go to New York again.

She turned to face him, her eyes wide as she shook her head, "Oh, no, erm, we don't... we aren't close."

"Oh, okay..." he got up to climb out of the bed and passed her dress to her that she had worn the previous night, "We can drop you off at your hotel on the way to the airport?"

"It's okay, I'll walk, it's not far," she took the dress from him, ignoring the electricity that passed through her fingertips as they brushed against his. She quickly replaced his shirt with her dress and slipped her shoes on, pulling her hair back into a ponytail with the hair tie she kept on her wrist.

He was beside her then, holding his Bowdoin college jumper out to her, "Take this, it looks like it's getting colder outside."

"Derek, I can't..."

"Take it. Keep it. It's fine," he held it to her still and was relieved when she took it from him and pulled it on. He moved to the other side of the room a moment, writing something on a piece of paper as she picked up her phone and slid it into the pocket of the jumper along with her hotel key card. She walked over to him, bracing herself for their goodbye, when he turned and placed a piece of paper in her hand, "Here's my number. I want you to take it. I don't expect you to give me your number, I just, if there's anything. Please. Call me."

She nodded and put the piece of paper in the pocket as his arms pulled her close to him again, and she buried her face against his bare shoulder. They stood like that for a moment, and she was the one to pull back again, feeling her eyes water slightly. He moved in to kiss her, but she took a step back. "I can't."

He gave a silent nod and opened the door for her, "I know I'll see you again, I know this isn't it for us. So, I won't say goodbye."

She met his gaze as a single tear rolled down her cheek, and she nodded in a silent agreement. She took a shaky breath and went to walk out the door, hesitating as she walked by him and reaching to his hand. She took it and gave it a gentle squeeze, neither saying anything. After taking a second shaky breath, she released his hand reluctantly and forced herself to walk out of the room.

He didn't shut the door behind her though, not yet. He watched her as she walked over to the elevator down the hall, keeping his eyes on her as she gave him one last glance before stepping onto the elevator. He would find her again. He would wait for her.

_And now I'm closing every door,  
_ _Cause I'm sick of wanting more,  
_ _You were good to me,  
_ _You were good to me, yeah._

_Swear I'm different than before,  
_ _I won't hurt you anymore,  
_ _Cause you were good to me._

* * *

**You Were Good To Me – Jeremy Zucker, Chelsea Cutler**


	5. Bedroom Ceiling

Her arms were wrapped tight around her stomach as she left the elevator that had arrived on the floor for her hotel room. She was biting down on her lip so hard that she swore she had started to taste blood.

He made her feel... special, wanted. He made her feel important. But she couldn't do it. She couldn't give herself to him. Not when he lived on the opposite coast, not when he was working under her mother.

Oh, God, her mother. She was the last person who needed to find out Meredith had even been involved with someone else. Surgery was her focus. Building her career was her focus. She didn't have time for insignificant _flings._ Her mother had a way of finding things out, and Meredith had to stop any wind of this _fling_ getting back to her.

She took a deep breath to fight back her tears as she unlocked the door to her room. She jumped slightly and her hand flew to her chest when she saw Cristina sitting on her bed waiting for her, "What the hell are you doing here, Cristina?"

"Wondering where you'd gotten to, we have a flight to catch in a few hours," Cristina assesses the expression on her friend's face, the redness that outlined her eyes, "Mer, what happened?"

Meredith sat on the bed beside Cristina with a long sigh, shaking her head, "It's just... I just... and he just, ugh," she groaned and buried her face into her hands, "I never should've gotten involved again."

Cristina sighed softly and rested a hand on Meredith's shoulder with a slight squeeze, "Come on, we can drink about it on the plane."

Meredith and Cristina entered the airport lounge and sat at the bar with their carry-ons sat beside their stools. Cristina ordered their drinks as Meredith's face fell in her hands, "I can't believe all the flights out of here are delayed, I just want to leave."

She still wore the jumper Derek had given her but had swapped out the dress for a pair of jeans for the plane. But now their flight was delayed for a good five hours, and they planned to spend that time sat at the bar, drinking. "Tell me about it. I'm dying to get back to the hospital, can't have Evil Spawn, Bambi _and_ Barbie getting ahead of us already! Drink up."

She took the shot of tequila offered to her by Cristina and downed it in one, slamming the glass back on the wooden bar with a little too much force, "Keep them coming."

She felt a presence beside her before a familiar voice spoke, causing her to groan internally, "Nice to see you with more clothes on, Meredith."

Cristina looked over with a short laugh, "Is this...?"

"Oh, God no," Meredith eyes went wide as she downed another shot that had appeared in front of her before addressing Mark, "Please, leave. You didn't see me here."

"Hey, I didn't realise you were sat here until I came to order drinks, but he might want to get the next round in, we're going to be here for a while," Mark informed her, "But I won't say anything... much. I'll get the rounds in if you're still here."

He walked away again with his drinks and she lowered her forehead onto the bar with a groan as Cristina laughed a little beside her, "So who was that again?"

"Derek's best friend, Mark Sloan," she grumbled, not lifting her head, "Is there no other bar we can sit at?"

"Unfortunately, this is the only place here with the alcohol. Just keep your head down like that, you'll be fine," Cristina ordered them more drinks, giving Meredith a few pats on the back.

* * *

The sharp taste of the scotch hit the back of his throat as he finished off the remainder of the drink in his glass. "I can't explain, Mark. It's like, she's it for me. But she just... she's a complete mystery. It's like she's a stranger, but she isn't, you know?"

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration as Mark studied him a moment, an internal debate happening inside his head as to whether or not he should tell him who he'd seen at the bar. "Maybe you should just move on, Derek. Like you said, she made it obvious she didn't want to be with you, and she lives on the other end of the country for crying out loud. You can't have a busy residency schedule and maintain a long-distance relationship, maybe she has a point."

"I don't think I'll ever find anyone like her, Mark," Derek admitted, looking back up at him, "I need another drink." He heard the screech of his chair as he stood up, regretting making the noise as it sent a chill down his spine. He made his way over the bar, ordering another round for him and Mark, realising he was being watched by a dark-haired woman not too far down from him. He furrowed his brow slightly, "Do I know you?"

The woman simply laughed, and when she spoke, he recognised her voice, but he couldn't figure out where he'd hear it before, "Oh no, you don't. Delayed flight?"

"Yeah, we have another hour or so," he answered politely as he grabbed the drinks from the bartender.

The woman shook her head in almost disbelief, "I don't get it, the whole attraction to you, but I definitely stand by the term McDreamy."

Realisation crashed into him like a train, and he turned to look at her, "Cristina, right?"

She nodded with a smirk, "One and only. Now go, before she comes back. As much as I want to see my friend happy, she's not ready. But don't give up on her."

Derek's heart swelled. Meredith was here. He could see her one last time. He returned to the table he shared with Mark, thinking over Cristina's words. How much time was he supposed to give her? And how would he know, or be able to contact her when she was ready? Did he have to wait for Meredith to contact him?

Ignoring the look Mark was giving him, he kept his gaze on the area of the bar where Cristina sat. After a few minutes of waiting, lost in his own spiral of doubt and questioning, his eyes caught the blond streaks that the sun had brought out in her hair. He was entranced by her as he watched her return to the stool beside her friend, his eyes trained on her back as he tried to pluck up the courage to actually go and speak to her, and internal debate going on in his head over the pros and cons of doing so.

Before he could come to a decision, and at least three drinks later, his flight was called to board, and he lost his chance to speak to her as Mark dragged him out of the airport lounge. It was almost as if Mark and the rest of the world didn't want him to be with her.

* * *

_I stay up late, and I talk to the moon,  
And I can't stop telling him all about you,  
Wonder if you do the same thing I do._

She collapsed on her bed. She couldn't sleep on the plane, despite the copious amounts of tequila she had been drinking in the airport lounge, and she was now feeling the hangover-like effects that followed such a venture. She couldn't keep his eyes out of her head. She couldn't escape the feeling she had the whole time sat in the lounge feeling his eyes on her, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him, never mind spend any more time with him.

She stared up at the ceiling, an exaggerated sigh leaving her body as her chest deflated. She couldn't describe the feelings she felt when she was with him. One-night stands had never made her feel that way before. She knew she should've never agreed to the date, as harmless as he made it out to be. _Just one night._

If it were just one night, why couldn't she shake this feeling? She knew better. She was raised better. Focus on your career, be the best you can be, don't let anyone slow you down. That's all her mother had instilled in her ever since she was a child. She didn't have a high-school sweetheart phase. College and med school simply involved drunken one-night stands. He was supposed to be just a one-night stand.

After their first night together, she had tried to continue with her theme of drunken one-night stands, but even then she hadn't been able to get his face out of her head, and all her ventures had been a bust. She couldn't even kiss other people without feeling guilty about it. So, she threw herself into her work as a distraction. The hard work, the long hours, it all paid off in the end when she had finished at the top of her class, but she couldn't help feeling empty. The fiasco between Cristina and Burke had simply instilled in her that relationships weren't worth it, and she should focus on her career, as Cristina had now vowed to do.

But from the moment their eyes had met on the beach for the second time, the emptiness was non-existent. The voice in the back of her head was still there, reminding her to not get attached, to keep him at a distance, and not get involved. But the empty feeling _had_ gone when she was around him.

Now it was back in full force, and the weight of it pushed down on her chest overwhelmingly as she lay on top of the covers. She blinked away a few tears. Why did she have to be like this? Why couldn't she have just been _normal?_ She knew her mother only wanted the best for her, and didn't want her to repeat her mother's mistakes, but did that really mean she had to live without someone to love her, or without loving someone in return?

She pulled her phone out of the front pocket of his jumper she still wore, the piece of paper with his number written on it falling out with the movement. She held the phone in one hand as she toyed with the piece of paper between the fingers of her opposite hand. She turned to lay on her side, her legs curled up closer against her as she pulled open a new message on her phone, typing in his number, saving it to her phone. She started to type and message. And then deleted it. And started typing again, and then deleted it. She groaned softly. She didn't know what to do.

_These four white walls they know more than my friends,  
They watch me type messages I'll never send,  
This is the place that I just can't pretend to be alright._

She blinked back a few tears, and her eyes focused on the time shown at the top of the phone screen. She was due to be up for work in five hours. She locked the phone and plugged it into the charger at the side of the bed, climbing off the bed herself to get changed and showered, only to put the hoodie back on once she was ready to get back into bed.

She curled up under the covers, pulling the collar of the jumper up so she could in half the remnants of Derek's sent in the fabric. She lay like that for a moment before suddenly sitting up in the bed and pulling the jumper off, throwing it across her room.

She needed to stop being so pathetic. She should've just told him how she really felt.

_Is your bedroom ceiling bored like mine?  
Of you staring at it all the time.  
'Cause it's seen so many nights,  
Where I cry and I yell at the sky,  
For not telling you how I feel.  
Is your bedroom ceiling bored like mine?_

* * *

She woke, feeling groggy and her eyes sore from the tears she had spilled crying herself to sleep. She had to be at the hospital in just over an hour. She was in charge of interns this year, and they were officially in competition with each other for the first solo surgery and she couldn't let anything distract her. She sat up in the bed, making the resolution to make Derek small in her mind. She could stuff him, and all of the feelings she had for him, into a small box, compartmentalising her mind. She had to focus.


	6. April Showers

**Thursday, April 16** **th** **.**

* * *

As if her day couldn't get any more hectic, her phone would not stop ringing. She pulled it out as it rang for what must have been the fourth time that day as she sat down to lunch. She vaguely recognised the New York number that lit up the screen and picked up, "Meredith Grey speaking."

" _Good afternoon, Miss Grey,"_ the voice on the other sounded as though it belonged to a young woman, the background noises making it obvious she was calling from a hospital. Must be her mother's assistant, _"We've been trying to contact you all morning, as the emergency contact of Dr Ellis Grey?"_

Meredith's brow furrowed, earning her questioning looks from her friends sat with her, although they continued with their conversation, "What's happened?"

" _Your mother has been admitted as a patient, Miss Grey, I've been instructed to ask you to come to New York as soon as you can,"_ the limited information she was given irritated her. Why can't people just be straight with what they want to say? She prayed the woman would just get to the point.

Don't even get her started on the fact the woman had said Miss Grey instead of Dr Grey, it wasn't a secret Ellis' daughter was a doctor, was it?

"Again, what exactly has happened? Is it life threatening?" The words 'life-threatening' piqued the interest of her colleagues and their conversation with each other died out as they focused on Meredith.

" _Unfortunately, I can't divulge much information over the phone, I have only been told to request that you come to New York Presbyterian as a matter of urgency, we hope to see you soon."_

Meredith groaned in frustration as the line dropped and she let her phone fall on to the table in front of her as she spoke, "Looks like I'm off to New York for a few days."

"What was that about?" Cristina spoke first. Being the person closest to Meredith, she knew most of Meredith's frustration came about because of her Mother who lived in New York.

Meredith simply rolled her eyes as she stood up with her tray, "My mother, who else."

While Cristina understood on a more personal level the relationship between mother and daughter, the others in the group had always begged to learn more about the famous Ellis Grey, and didn't understand Meredith's frustration with the current situation, and sat there with perplexed expressions.

Meredith simply shook her head and walked away from the group, discarding her tray on her way up to the Chief's office to explain the situation and request emergency leave. Knowing how interested Chief Webber appeared to be in her mother, she knew it wouldn't take much more than a few words for him to agree and let her go. It didn't even cross her mind who else was waiting in New York for her.

* * *

**Friday, April 17** **th** **, 07:30am.**

As the plane touched down in New York, the rain was hitting down hard. _April Showers,_ was the first thought that came to Meredith's mind. Having checked the weather waiting for her in New York, she grabbed the raincoat she'd brought with her out of her carry on and put it on before she got off the plane. If her mother ever taught her anything, it was to always be prepared.

She may not have had the best relationship with her mother, but she couldn't help replaying the different scenarios going through her mind as to what could have happened for Ellis to have been admitted as a patient. As she walked across the airport, a memory flashed through her mind of the second time she'd said goodbye to _him._ She shook her head of the thought as she collected her suitcase from baggage claim. She'd only packed for a week, unsure of what she'd actually find when she got to the hospital, and how long she would need to stay for.

Sat in the back of the yellow cab, she looked out the window at the pouring rain that didn't look like it was about to let up. She couldn't deny that she was slightly panicked at the idea of running into Derek at the hospital. As far as she was aware, he hadn't cottoned on to the fact that she was the daughter of his Chief of Surgery, and she much preferred it to stay that way.

Part of her did want to see him again. Get lost in him and his deep, ocean-blue eyes again. The hospital was big though, she doubted she'd see him, even if just from afar. He'd probably found someone else to occupy his time, anyhow, since she hadn't plucked up the courage, or stupidity, to message the number he'd given her.

She snapped out of her thoughts as the cab pulled up outside said hospital, and she paid her fare before getting out, pulling the hood of her raincoat back over her head and retrieving her suitcase from the trunk of the car. She took a deep breath before heading inside to the front desk, pulling the suitcase along beside her. She lowered the hood as she walked inside and made eye contact with the young woman sat behind the desk, "I'm looking for Dr Ellis Grey."

"You must be Meredith," the woman said with a sickeningly wide smile. It always mystified Meredith how people could look so happy with mundane life.

She nodded, slightly impatient after her long flight, "Yes, and I need to get to my mother, if you could tell me her room number."

The woman nodded, probably now recognising the similarities between Meredith and her mother. Direct. Straight to the point. Not about to make small talk. "She's in room 2319, do you need help getting there?"

"No, I can find it," Meredith realised she may have been a little too cold towards the woman, and after all she was trying to be less like her mother so much, "Thanks."

Without waiting for a response, she made her way to the aforementioned hospital room, still pulling her suitcase alongside her. Walking through the hospital, she tried to ignore the slight shake of her hands as her nerves kicked in, anticipating walking into _him._ She took a deep breath as she entered the room, leaving the suitcase to the side of the door and taking her coat off. Her eyes looked over to the single bed in the private room as her mother looked up from at the newcomer to the room. Her expression clearly indicated he had been expecting someone else.

"Meredith, why have you come all the way out here? You need to focus on your residency, I'll be fine," Meredith simply rolled her eyes at her mother's comment as she picked up the chart that had been left at the end of the bed, scanning her eyes over the new information as she flipped through the pages.

It seemed her mother had experienced a stress-induced heart attack, revealing an arrhythmia that was causing bradycardic episodes, the reason for her admission. She took a breath before speaking, looking directly at her mother now, "When you get a phone call to say your mother has been admitted as a patient at her own hospital, you're expected to drop everything and go see her, aren't you? Also, your chart explicitly states you can't be discharged without my being here, so you don't really get a choice in the matter, and it's not my fault that no one would tell me what was going on over the phone so I could make that judgement myself."

At this, her mother began one of her stubborn rants about incompetent colleagues, and stupid doctors with stupid orders, as Meredith continued reading through the chart. Meredith simply rolled her eyes, with no response, even if her mother would have registered her responding. A brief thought crossed her mind, _I clearly inherited my mother's stubborn rants._ Her eyes then looked over the attending practitioner's name, but her gaze was caught by the name underneath displaying the resident assigned to the case. _Derek Shepherd, M.D._ Crap. Just her luck that he'd be the resident on her mother's case. She needed to leave that room, for more reason than one.

* * *

Derek strolled down the hall, ready for morning rounds on the Chief, having been assigned to her at her request when she'd been hospitalised the day before, having collapsed after a 12 hour surgery. He heard voices coming from the room. Her daughter must have arrived. He stopped just outside the room, unseen as he heard her voice. _Her voice._ His mind worked quickly. _Meredith. Meredith Grey._ Why hadn't he thought of it before? At that moment, the comment that brain surgeons are brainless really rang true. That's why she was at the hotel for the intern mixer. Everything she had ever told him started to fall into place and make sense now.

He'd heard about Ellis Grey's daughter, and not just from Ellis herself. People would comment on how she had chosen not to do her residency at her mother's hospital and didn't understand why. He had heard Dr Grey boast somewhat about her daughter's talents, she would compare the progress of his residency group to her, even compare her talents to those residents who were a year ahead.

But from what he'd heard from _his_ Meredith, she didn't have a good relationship with her mother. She would berate her, and hardly ever have a nice word to say about her. He remembered then one of her mutterings about her mother not accepting the fact she wanted to go into neurosurgery instead of general surgery. He'd also heard from Ellis Grey herself how she was disappointed in her daughter's decision to specialise in neurosurgery, much like himself. Had he avoided thinking about her so much it had stopped him from making this connection? He didn't actually connect the dots until now. He really felt much like a brainless idiot for having been top of his class at Columbia.

He heard her melodic voice again, but sensed the slight annoyance in her tone, as she approached the door, where he still stood unseen, "I'm going to the cafeteria, I need coffee and haven't eaten since yesterday morning. Try not to cause too many problems. I know you're everyone's boss here, but they're only looking out for you."

A slight panic ran through him. He couldn't meet her again here, not like this. He turned and moved behind the nearby nurses' station, just as she left the room. He hid behind one of the computers, watching her. He noticed the tired look in her eyes, the damp in her hair from the rain outside. He held his breath a moment, hoping she wouldn't see him. He watched as her brow furrowed slightly and then she shook her head, and he stood from where he sat to see her retreating figure walking down the hallway. Had she seen him?

Once he was sure she had gone, he went into Ellis' room, almost afraid to make eye contact with the woman as he worked around her, "I was told your daughter arrived, Chief?" He didn't mention he'd only heard because he'd been eavesdropping on their pair.

"Yes, and it's ridiculous they dragged her all the way out here. I'm perfectly fine now, there was no need to disturb her studies," he listened carefully to Dr Grey's complaints as he checked the monitors, scribbling notes down in her chart.

"I'm sure she'd rather be here for you," he tried to add some conviction to his voice as he spoke, but from what he knew of Meredith, which was more than she thought he knew about her, especially now, she hated missing out on surgeries, so maybe she would've preferred staying in Seattle.

"Ha. She's probably cursing me for having dragged her away from the OR," Ellis explained, unaware of how much Derek knew this to be true.

"She sounds like a dedicated surgeon; does she have a speciality?" He asked, pretending still to not to know exactly who she is.

"She's still just a resident, second year like you. You'd get on with her, seems she also would rather cut brains open than use her inherited gifts elsewhere," Ellis gave him a pointed look, they'd had this talk about his own 'inherited gifts' before. She didn't understand why he'd go into neurosurgery when his own father was a successful, well-known trauma surgeon. His father fully supported his venture into neurosurgery, however. Derek looked toward her now from where he stood with her chart in his hands. The chart Meredith had previously had in her hands. Did she see his name printed on there?

Derek chuckled with a small shake of his head, "Maybe I'll chat with her later on, find some common ground."

"Oh no, you're not good enough for my daughter. She doesn't need distractions right now," he tried to not take offense at her words, but they did hurt him, nonetheless. He set the chart back down, "Anyway, aren't you seeing that Kepner girl, April is it?"

He simply nodded, feeling a shock of guilt run through him as he just now thought about that situation. "I'll leave you to rest. Have the nurse page me when your daughter is ready to take you home," he gave her his warm, albeit fake, smile and she grunted in response, waving him out of the room as he retreated.

He ran his hand through his hair as he walked down the hallway, a deep sigh escaping his lips. They may have somehow met twice already, probably by some pure coincidence, but he really didn't think he would see her again for a third time, and now not only was her mother his patient, she was his chief of surgery. He had to believe now, there was something more at play. Fate, maybe?

* * *

She sat in the chair in her mother's room, having just had a conversation with the cardio attending overlooking her care. Her mother was sleeping at the moment, and she had the latest neurosurgery journal on her lap as she flipped through the pages. She finished off the last of her coffee and stood up, placing the journal on the side table before going to dump the empty cup in the small bin by the door. She had a strange feeling that someone was watching her, but she shook it off and went to sit in the chair again, picking the journal back up to continue reading the article she was on.

"Of course, you're still stuck on neurosurgery," she heard her mother's voice, "I still don't get why you're so stuck on it."

Meredith looked up with a small laugh and shook her head, closing the journal and putting it back down as she stood up her back turned to the door, "This argument is long over, Mom. Your doctor said I can take you home later this afternoon."

She felt the atmosphere change in the room all of a sudden and didn't realise why straight away, but then her mother spoke, "Dr. Shepherd, I hope you have my discharge papers?" She looked up to where Ellis' gaze was fixed, biting her lip gently as her eyes met the mesmerising blue eyes, belonging to the man stood in the doorway.

He cleared his throat a little as he tore his gaze from her, addressing Ellis, "Just a few more tests before I can get the papers for you, Dr. Grey." Meredith stood to the side of the room, closer to the door as he approached the bed to take a sample of Ellis' blood. He glanced to her a moment before giving Ellis his full attention, "So, this is the famous Meredith Grey, then?"

The way he spoke confused Meredith a little. _Famous?_ She furrowed her brows and looked to her mother who started to explain as she caught Meredith's expression, "Yes, this is Meredith. And Meredith, I'm allowed to brag about my daughter when she has more talent than the majority of the fourth-year residents here, don't let it get to your head."

She rolled her eyes again. She felt like she was constantly rolling her eyes since she'd arrived that morning. She saw the small smirk on Derek's lips, and she crossed her arms over her chest, "Well maybe everyone else back in Seattle can catch up while I'm stuck here with you. I'm going to go find more coffee."

She walked out of the room, feeling a slight shake of nervousness in her hands, and headed down the hall where a vending machine stood, programming it to get herself a black coffee. She'd come to the conclusion she'd be spending the weekend, so while waiting for her coffee to pour, she pulled her phone out and booked a flight back to Seattle for Sunday night, as well as sending a quick message to Dr Webber to update him of her situation. Maybe she would also let Derek know she was saying.

A moment later, as she leant against the wall sipping on her coffee, she received a response from him telling her to take all the time she needed, and to send his best wishes to her mother. She rolled her eyes again with a small sigh. She knew they did their residency together, but it's not like her mother ever mentioned him.

She looked up as she put her phone away, narrowing her eyes at the dark-haired male approaching her. He stopped close to her as she felt the electricity in the air between them as he spoke, "Hey, mystery girl. You become less of a mystery each time I see you."

She laughed softly and lowered her eyes to the floor as he spoke, shaking her head a little, "I'd make a comment about you stalking me, but I guess it was me this time, wasn't it?"

She looked up as he stepped closer, and she caught his eyes looking around as she also stepped a little closer. She stood on her tip toes, pressing her lips into his as his arms slid around her waist, reciprocating her actions. She lost herself for a second, about to grip the front of his lab coat, before pulling back, realising where she was and let out a soft sigh, "I can't do this here. Not with my mother down the hall, and her blood in your hand," her eyes glanced to the vial of blood in the clear bag he was holding.

He chuckled at her remark, "Maybe I can see you later on, or tomorrow if you're still here?"

"I'm around till Sunday night, maybe we can catch up," she gave him a small smirk, "Get back to work, _Dr Shepherd._ " She felt his eyes on her as she walked back to the hospital room, her fingers tapping against the coffee cup and unable to keep the smile off her face, which she didn't even realise was there until her mother spoke. Part of her was glad he knew who she was now, as dangerous as the situation was.

"What's got you all smiley?" Ellis inquired, causing the smile to drop from Meredith's expression.

"Nice coffee," Meredith excused, not able to make eye contact with her mother.

"He's probably the best resident I've seen come through here in a long time," when Meredith gave her a questioning look, she explained further, "Shepherd, he was in here earlier. Keep up."

"Oh, right, yeah," she didn't really want to talk about Derek, but she had to remind herself that her mother was none the wiser about… well whatever was going on between them. But what her mother said next shook her to her core.

"It's a shame, really, he's supposedly seeing some April girl, not someone I'd pick to be a surgeon, he'll probably be snapped up before it's time for you to even think about marriage," her mother's statement drew her attention as her head snapped up, but Ellis didn't seem to register the panicked look that momentarily flashed in her daughter's eyes.

_I heard you're moving on,  
Heard you're growing on to her like a flower of spring._

She decided to change the subject, "Richard Webber sends his best, by the way."

"Right, well, are you going to hang around here all day?" Her mother sounded a little impatient with her, but she couldn't figure out why. Was it the mention of Richard Webber?

"I guess that's kind of the point," Meredith said, eyeing her mother suspiciously, trying to figure out exactly what the problem could be, "Where else would I go?"

Her mother waved her off, "Go watch a surgery or something while you wait, no need for you to be sat in this room with me. I'll have someone find you when they discharge me." Apparently perpetual avoidance runs in the family.

She eventually found her way to the OR floor, ignoring the various strange looks she was getting from the doctors and nurses. It was a look that she knew they found her familiar, and she looked like she belonged in the hospital, but they couldn't quite pinpoint who she was. No-one bothered to question her. It made Meredith question the actual security of the place.

Her eyes glanced over the board, no actual surgery taking place now that caught her attention. There was one due to start in an hour or so, a frontal lobe tumour resection, and the resident was listed as Shepherd… maybe she could come back later on to watch. For the surgery, of course. Derek Shepherd was probably the last person she wanted to speak to right now, after hearing the little piece of information from her mother.

The rain was still coming down hard, so she stopped by her mother's room and picked up her raincoat, no words passing between the two as she left the room again and made her way to front of the hospital, zipping up her coat and pulling the hood her head as she stood in the rain. There was something about the rain. It just made her feel better, it soothed her almost. She needed it right now, her nerves were shot, and she didn't even know how she'd be able to face Derek again today.

_Bedsheets tangled in your bed,  
Bet she's laying on your left,  
Only picture in my head._

"Derek!"

_I been going Jack Nicholson, crazy in my living room,  
Can't stop thinking 'bout you kissing her neck._

She heard the voice from behind her, recognising it from the phone call she'd received the previous day. Her brow furrowed as she realised, she hadn't even seen him walk outside, so why was his name being called? She turned and she felt as though her heart had dropped into the pit of her stomach.

_Been going Jack Nicholson, crazy in my living room,  
Running like a movie round and round in my head._

Derek was a few steps away from her, his back turned toward her as he faced the woman who had called him, and her eyes followed his gaze to her. The red-haired, mousy looking woman. Was that her? Was that April? Meredith watched, unable to stop the hurt she was feeling, as _April_ approached Derek, her arms circling his neck and pulling him closer to her to kiss him. So, she did what she normally did to protect herself, her expression became unreadable and she used one of the many talents passed down to her from her mother, the ability to become stone-cold in her interactions with others.

_When April showers, you wash her hair, she's got your heart inside her hands.  
As the water falls, I bet it's gonna wash out every thought you ever had of me.  
Every hour, I'm more aware, she's in your eyes, no underwear,  
As the water falls, I bet it's gonna wash out every thought you ever had of me._

* * *

**April Showers - Maisie Peters**


	7. Details

Having been told by Ellis that her daughter had just been in and grabbed her raincoat, and was probably outside catching a cold, he set off to go and find her to let her know her mother was ready to be discharged and go home. As he approached the main doors of the hospital, he spotted her stood by the edge of the pavement, looking up at the sky. He could see her blond waves of hair escaping the hood of her coat. He stopped for a moment just to watch her standing in the rain.

He walked through the doors, not bothering about the rainfall as he only expected to be stood out there for a moment and headed towards her until he heard a voice behind him, shouting his name.

"Derek!"

He turned around, his eyes slightly wide as April approached him, and he almost prayed that Meredith hadn't heard her shouting him as April moved closer and circled his neck with her arms, his own hands reaching to her arms almost in an attempt to stop her but was too late as he felt her lips against his.

When a forced cough from beside them caused her to pull back from him, he felt a drop in his stomach as April's gaze moved to Meredith who stood beside them. He looked at the expression on her face, finding no emotion there for him to read. She was unreadable for the first time he'd ever seen. She didn't look at him, she looked directly at April. He had no idea what she was about to say.

"I assume my mother is ready to be discharged?" He could hear the distaste in her voice. Part of him realised she knew exactly who April was to him.

"Oh, Miss Grey! It's nice to put a face to a name, we spoke on the phone yesterday," April gave her a wide grin, part of her perpetually happy mood that most would find annoying, especially Meredith, he thought.

_So I'll ignore her and she'll be really nice to me,  
Yeah, I know I'm being bitter and jealous and mean._

His eyes remained on Meredith as he watched her response, she rolled her eyes before looking straight back at April, "So, you're the one who decided to not give me the full details of my mother's condition, meaning I had to get a six hour flight here, when I'm in the middle of my third year of residency, meaning I'm missing out on important surgeries that are vital to my education, when it's not urgent at all for me to be here. Also, it's _Doctor Grey._ "

He watched her walk inside, unable to keep his eyes of her until she was out of sight, at which point he looked back to April, the shock of the interaction apparent on her face. He spoke in a quiet voice, "We should go back inside."

As they walked back inside, April finally managed to say something, "I know her Mom can be a stone-cold bitch, that was next level, though."

"Her Mom's in hospital, April, she's probably just stressed. I have to get up there, I'll see you later," he walked away from her before she could say or do anything more and made his way back to Ellis' room. His mind was racing with his thoughts, trying to figure out what he was supposed to do. He wanted Meredith. She would always come first. But April was here, and she was here for him when his father was sick. He hadn't heard from Meredith since Hawaii, never mind when his father was sick. Surely Meredith had known his father was sick? Ellis had known, so she must've mentioned it to Meredith.

He could hear their conversation as he approached the room and walked in, grabbing the discharge papers from the nurse as he walked past. His eyes quickly scanned the room, Ellis was already dressed, with every intention of leaving and Meredith was stood with one hand on her hip, still in her wet raincoat.

"There you are, Shepherd! Give me those papers," he passed them over without a word, and she took in his demeanour, "Why do you look like you've just taken a swim in the ocean? You should probably go and change before seeing any actual patients once I'm gone."

He nodded, wanting badly to make eye contact with Meredith without making it obvious to Ellis. He wanted to apologise, to explain before she left again. Instead, he kept his focus on Ellis as he spoke, "I'll make sure to do that, Dr Grey."

She passed the papers back to him and he was ready to grab a wheelchair for her when she spoke up, "Don't you dare get a wheelchair for me or you'll be stuck in the ER overnight for the next month. I am very capable of walking and you know that."

He stopped immediately and watched as Meredith grabbed Ellis' bag and then the handle of her own suitcase, ready to walk her mother outside. He stepped towards her, "Do you need any help with that?"

"I'm perfectly capable of carrying a bag, Dr Shepherd, I'm sure you have more important people waiting for you," she gave him a pointed look, letting him know the hidden meaning behind her words.

He stepped back again and nodded; he couldn't blame her for acting this way. But maybe he could be angry. He was reminded again how she hadn't been there for him, surely it didn't matter he was with April now. His attention returned back to Ellis as she spoke again, "I'll be back on Monday, don't get too stuck in neuro while I'm gone, Shepherd."

"Yes ma'am," he gave her a small smile and she simply shook her head at him before walking out of the room, Meredith following close behind her. She gave him one last glance as they walked away, neither of them attempting to communicate with the other before she walked out of his life again. She just turned and continued to walk away. He didn't know what he was going to do. Maybe she didn't know what had happened over the past year? Was she really this cold? She hadn't been earlier that day. She'd practically thrown herself at him by the vending machine.

* * *

She found herself sat in a bar that she had spotted as she drove her mother home. Unsurprisingly, her mother didn't live that far from the hospital, so she had managed to walk there. She downed her first shot of tequila, welcoming the burn as it travelled down her throat. She liked to think she hadn't been involved with anyone else for the sake of her career, or at least that's what she told people.

Only Cristina knew the real reason, even if Meredith didn't want to admit it to herself. She was waiting. She was waiting for him. Realistically, she knew it wasn't a reasonable thing for her to do. It's not like they were soulmates or had declared their love for each other. He was just a guy who she met in a bar one time, who also happened to be in Hawaii at the same time as her. And worked as one of her mother's residents. Apparently, he was her mother's favourite resident. And she'd made it clear to him she wasn't about to commit herself to anyone.

She stopped her train of thought as she downed the second shot of her favourite golden liquid, starting to feel the effects of the alcohol fuzz her brain. She pulled her phone out and dialled Cristina's number, listening to the ringing tone against her ear. Just as she was about to give up, Cristina answered, _"Meredith! How's the famous Ellis Grey?"_

Meredith simply grunted before answering, "Oh, she's alive, perfectly fine. I was dragged all the way out here for nothing. Definitely nothing."

" _Have you started drinking already?"_ She could hear the amusement in Cristina's voice.

"What else am I supposed to do? I'm not flying back till Sunday night, and I'm definitely not sitting around my mother's house, or a hotel room," she explained to her friend before downing a third shot.

" _Why? McDreamy not there to keep you satisfied?"_ Cristina teased her, emphasising the word 'satisfied'.

Meredith groaned at the nickname Cristina had given him back in Hawaii, "Oh no, he's busy satisfying little miss perfect."

" _Oh, crap. I guess he's McAss then, and it probably wouldn't make you feel any better if I tell you about the mass casualty that came in last night."_

"You always know the right thing to say, don't you?" Sarcasm dripped from her voice as she rolled her eyes.

" _Oh, I've gotta go, Altman is paging me."_

"Go on then, enjoy your many, many surgeries while I sit here drowning my sorrows," she hung up the phone and signalled for a fourth shot from the bartender.

She felt a familiar presence beside her and dropped her face into her hands with a soft groan, trying to hide the slight excitement she was feeling at his proximity, "God, you are stalking me, aren't you?"

"Actually, I come here a lot, it seems you're in my neck of the woods still," he chuckled softly and ordered his drink from the bartender who had just brought over next shot.

She downed it, needing the liquid confidence more with his presence almost suffocating her, "I just followed the smell of the tequila."

"I wanted to speak to you, anyway, about what you saw – "

_I don't wanna know the details, I don't wanna know where she's from._

She held a hand up to cut him off, "It doesn't matter what I saw. It's probably more the fact that I heard it from my own mother, right after I practically jumped you in the hallway _of my mother's hospital."_ She turned to look at him, "I should have realised you'd moved on," she noticed the colour drain from his face as she spoke, "Where's little miss sunshine anyway?"

_I don't wanna have to meet her, pretend we get along  
Yeah, I know that's selfish and sudden and wrong._

"Meredith," her name rolled off his tongue just as she remembered, and he took her hand, "You didn't message, you didn't call when –"

"It doesn't matter, it's not like we were together, or anything, you have no obligation to wait for me to show up again," she cut him off as she pulled her hand from his, and she stood up from the stool, not waiting for a response from Derek. She made her way towards the toilets, leaning against the sink as she tried to slow her panicked breaths, the main reason she'd had to get away from him, so he didn't know the effect he had on her.

_But I don't wanna talk about it, 'Cause if I talk about it,  
Then you'll see I don't, no I don't know what to do about it._

She looked up at herself in the mirror and a bitter laugh escaped her lips. Pathetic. She's pathetic. She took a deep breath and stood up straight, wiping under her eyes at the tears that had involuntarily formed.

_What to do about this feeling that I don't want,  
But I'll keep it all to myself, if you spare me the details._

She took a moment to allow the passive expression she had perfected to take over her facial expression and took another deep breath. Stand straight, chin up. Nothing and no-one held power over Meredith Grey, and she didn't get involved with such trivial feelings. _Focus on yourself and your career, Meredith, be extraordinary,_ her mother's voice echoed in her mind.

She walked out of the toilets, about to approach the bar when she noticed the red head had joined Derek where Meredith previously had been sat. She moved to sit at the other end of the bar instead, ordering another shot of tequila. She looked up and Derek's eyes caught hers, as though he wanted to speak to her, but she looked away quickly, downing the shot that had just been placed in front of her.

_Let's not talk about it, let's not talk about it,  
Then we won't have to do something about it._

She stood up from her stool after a moment, realising she couldn't stay there and watch her all over him all night, it's not exactly like he was pushing her away, either. She paid her tab with the bartender, before grabbing her coat and putting it on, unable to give Derek another glance as she walked out the bar. She needed to try and get back to Seattle as soon as possible.

_So, I'll keep it all to myself, if you'll keep it all to yourself, and just spare me the details._

* * *

**Details – Maisie Peters.**


	8. The Story of Us

_I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us  
How we met and the sparks flew instantly  
People would say, "they're the lucky ones"_

She stalked through the halls of New York Pres Hospital, questioning why she had even come back in that day. She could literally go anywhere else in New York, it's just that none of it interested her. She had no great desire to get lost in the herds of people in times square, and no dying need to go to the top of the empire state building. All she really wanted was to be back in Seattle, getting on with her residency and not having to deal with all these unwanted emotions that festered inside of her.

* * *

" _Meredith, you can't just sit around the house moping all day, go and do something with your day. Maybe go sightseeing, or at least go to the hospital and watch some surgeries. Learn something."_

_She looked up from where she sat on the couch as her mother spoke and sighed softly before standing up, muttering under her breath, "I'd rather be able to practice medicine, but okay."_

* * *

If she were back in Seattle, she could actually be on the cases, doing the dirty work rather than just watching from afar. No one questioned her presence in the hospital, realising who she was, the Chief's daughter, but she knew she didn't exactly have any privileges while she was visiting, especially with her mother not physically in the hospital. As such, she had to settle with finding a surgery to watch.

She stood in front of the electronic OR board, noticing the similarity in the layout and system used with the one back in Seattle. She glanced over, looking for anything happening of interest to her. Apparently, it was a slow day for the doctors of New York, and there were only routine surgeries displayed on the board, none of any interest to her in that moment.

Her next stop would have to be the cafeteria then, if not just to keep her busy, but to also top-up her energy reserves with some well needed caffeine. Being in her mother's house, she had barely slept. She never did do well sleeping in unfamiliar places. Hopefully, she could get on a plane tonight back to Seattle and this whole nightmare could just be forgotten.

Finally retrieving a cup of black coffee and the only sandwich that didn't make her stomach turn at the sight, she found herself an empty table in the back corner of the room close to the feature length window that overlooked the bustling city that surrounded the hospital. As she unwrapped her sandwich, she watched the various doctors, nurses, and patients, along with their loved ones, who took up the rest of the tables in the busy cafeteria.

The taste of the sandwich revolted her just as much the grey-purple scrubs worn by the surgical residents, and in that moment she was more thankful that she had put her foot down and refused to do her residency here. She missed the light blue of her own scrubs back in Seattle. The thought had her pulling her phone out of her coat pocket, looking to see if there were any flights heading back to Seattle that evening, but it seemed they were all either sold out, or far too unreasonable a price to bother switching her Sunday night flight for. She'd just have to put up with New York for one more night.

A familiar scene began to unfold around her in the cafeteria, just as she had caught sight of Derek entering the room with April at his side. The familiar beeping of pagers, the sheer number that appeared to be going off, indicating most probably an incoming trauma in the pit. Did they call it that here? She watched as the flurry of surgical residents and the few attendings in the cafeteria left the room. Maybe she would get to see some interesting surgeries after all.

_I used to know my place was a spot next to you  
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat  
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on_

Standing from her own seat, she threw the remainder of the sandwich in the bin and followed the familiar route down to the ER, interested to observe how they dealt with mass trauma situations here. On her way down, her phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out to find a message from her mother, Mass trauma. Find Dr Evans and help out in the ER, if anyone asks, well, they can speak to me. She sent a quick reply to say she was already in the ER, as she approached the main desk in the ER. She looked to the nurse sat there, "Where can I find Dr Evans?"

The nurse regarded her a moment, "If you're a patient you'll need to admit and wait to be called. We have a mass trauma coming in, so unfortunately there might be a longer wait to be seen."

Meredith laughed a little and shook her head, "I'm not a patient. I'm Chief Grey's daughter, I've been told to find Dr Evans. So, if you could me with that?" She looked at the nurse expectantly, noticing a blush rise to the surface of the nurse's cheeks.

"Oh, my apologies, I just saw him head out to the ambulance bay," she gave Meredith a small smile and Meredith returned it with a thanks, before heading out to the ambulance bay, not really paying attention to who was around her.

She quickly spotted Dr Evans, talking to a group of residents, recognising him from her previous visits. As he spotted her, he grinned and beckoned her to approach, ignoring his group of residents now, "Dr Grey! Your mother told me she'd send you! I can finally witness this skill she goes on about so much."

Meredith smiled politely, as she approached him and gave a short laugh, "Do I have time to get scrubs?"

He shook his head, "Ambulance is two minutes away," his head turned back to his group of residents, "Kepner! Go fetch a trauma gown for Dr Grey."

At his words, she finally turned to look at the small group of residents stood there, just now paying attention as half of them practically gawked at the sight of her, which just had her rolling her eyes. She felt her fist involuntarily clench however as she noticed Derek stood there, beside a wide-eyed Kepner, and a smirking Mark Sloan. She grinned for a second at Mark, before turning her head to look expectantly at the infamous April Kepner who was stammering a confirmation to her superior before turning around and heading back into the ER. Mark approached her and she swatted at his hand as he reached to ruffle her hair, "Professionalism, Sloan, I see you lack it," she spoke with a hint of amusement.

"Long time no see, Grey," he laughed and then he glanced to where Derek stood, watching their interaction. She followed his gaze and narrowed her eyes a little. Kepner returned then. Trauma gown and gloves in hand, passing them to Meredith.

"Here you go, uhm, Dr Grey," she took them from her, pulling on the trauma gown, allowing Mark to tie it for her. Meredith rolled her eyes slightly at the uncertainty in April's voice, but bit her tongue against saying anything just yet. The fact she was still hovering bugged her, though.

Her attention turned back to Dr Evans as she pulled on the gloves, the first ambulance coming around the corner, "Do we know what's happened?"

"Something about a car accident, a couple of cars were involved. One suspected head injury, which is you and I will work on," Meredith nodded in response, a sneaking feeling that she was taking someone's place as Dr Evan's right-hand person and feeling slightly smug about it.

There was no time for talking then as the ambulance doors opened and the first patient was unloaded, Meredith in the zone now and hanging on to every word being told to her by the paramedic. She found herself going inside with the patient, and April was there again with them, leading the paramedics to the first trauma room. Once situated, and the patient was transferred off the gurney, Meredith began her initial evaluation of the injuries, a Q&A being exchanged between herself and Dr Evans as he questioned her on the exam and subsequent procedure. It looked like the patient would definitely be needing surgery and needed a head CT to determine the true extent of the head injury.

_Oh, a simple complication  
Miscommunications lead to fall out  
So many things that I wish you knew  
So many walls up I can't break through_

Meredith was grateful when Mark instantly volunteered to go with her to get the patient to CT, additionally promising a set of scrubs for Meredith as they went. Dr Evans approved, requesting a page when they got the head CT through.

"So, you swan in, take over Shepherd's position as Evans' favourite resident… you're not moving to New York, are you?" Mark spoke as they were alone with the unconscious patient in the elevator up to CT.

Meredith rolled her eyes and laughed softly, "God, no. I was sent here, probably to keep an eye on you lot while my mother was indisposed. How've you been anyway? Got round to all the nurses yet?" She teased.

He gave a deadpan laugh, narrowing his eyes at her, "I'm surprised you aren't joined to Shepherd at the hip," he teased back.

She tensed a little but kept her resolve as the elevator reached the desired floor, "I'm sure even you're aware he's got a new flavour of the month."

"Who, Kepner?" he released a short, sudden laugh, "Yeah, that's a disaster if I ever saw one. I'm sure even you noticed he hasn't kept his eyes off you."

She rolled her eyes at his words, "Shut it, Mark."

"Although, I am surprised you're the Meredith Grey. How did he not even figure that out before?" He guided them to CT with the patient, only having to wait a moment to get their patient in due to his emergent status. "Here, you stay with the patient and I'll go grab you some scrubs and a lab coat."

"Thanks, Mark," she watched as he left the room and sighed softly, working with the tech to get the patient set up for the CT scan. She leant back against the wall of the viewing room as the scan progressed, her arms crossed over her chest impatiently. She was sure the CT moved faster back at Seattle Grace.

Mark returned just as the scan completed, and she was hunched over the computer screen monitoring he scan, "He has a subdural haematoma, we should book an OR and page Dr Evans."

He raised his eyebrows at her as she stood up and passed the change of clothes to her, "I'm not sure how the process works back in Seattle, but only attendings authorise the booking of OR rooms around here."

"Why? He needs an OR, they take time to prepare," she gave him a slight confused look as she took the clothes, "At least page Dr Evans, then. I'm going to find somewhere to change."

"There's an on-call room at the end of the hall," Mark said with a slight smirk, which made her feel a little uneasy as she didn't know the meaning behind the smirk. It was almost like he was up to something.

She shook it off, leaving Mark to take the patient to pre-op, and headed in the direction Mark had pointed her in for some privacy to change. In hindsight, she probably should've checked who was in the on-call room before she locked the door and pulled her jacket and top off.

_How'd we end up this way?  
See me nervously pulling at my clothes  
And trying to look busy  
And you're doing your best to avoid me_

Stood in only her bra, she turned around, coming face to face with Derek, who sat up in the bed. As her nerves took over, she burst out laughing, "You're sleeping already? A mass trauma just came in." She grabbed the scrub top and pulled it over her head and turned around again to remove her jeans and pulled the scrub pants on, ignoring the hammering of her heart against her ribcage. She muttered under her breath when he still didn't say anything, "It's not like you haven't seen me naked before."

Derek stayed conspicuously quiet, and at first, she didn't realise why he wasn't speaking to her, wasn't responding to what she had to say. She turned around, pulling the lab coat on, freezing slightly as she uncovered the reason for his silence. April sat up in the bed beside him, clutching a sheet to her chest. Her heart dropped deep into the pit of her stomach and she felt slight blush rise in her cheeks.

She had just changed in front of the guy she loved and his girlfriend. Wait, guy she loved? No. Just a fling. Past fling. She picked up her things, and took a second before speaking, "If you guys aren't too busy pro-creating, there's kind of a trauma going on. I'm surprised you people get any work done around here."

_I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us  
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here  
But you held your pride like you should have held me_

_Oh, I'm scared to see the ending  
Why are we pretending this is nothing?  
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how  
I've never heard silence quite this loud_

She walked back out of the room, suddenly finding the need to catch her breath. She found the nearest exam room, still clutching onto the clothes she had previously been wearing. She locked the door behind her and leant against it, trying to calm her breathing. She covered her face with her hands, wiping at tears she didn't realise had spilled down her cheeks until she was touching them. She took a breath and stood in front of the mirror, gathering herself for the second time in less than twenty-four hours as a result of his actions.

She pulled her hair into the familiar plaits she normally donned on top of her head before going into surgery. She splashed cold water on her face before exiting the bathroom, following the familiar hallways in search of Sloan or Evans. She found her way to pre-op, clocking Sloan stance as he leant against the nurses' station, clearly trying to make conversation with a seemingly disinterested nurse.

She walked up beside him with an eyebrow raised, "Sloan, do you ever stop bothering the nurses?" She leant one arm against the nurses' station.

Mark looked slightly shocked to see her, and she couldn't think why he would be so shocked to see her, "Grey! We're meeting Evans in the OR in half an hour, they're just prepping the OR. You didn't have to rush down here."

"Right, well, that on-call room wasn't free you know…" she eyed him carefully.

He smirked, "Nice surprise to see him alone?"

She scoffed and shook her head, muttering, "He wasn't alone, and I have strong need for tequila right now."

"Oh, crap," Mark said with a frown, "He was alone when I saw him."

"Did you seriously try and parent trap us, Mark? I ended up changing in front of him and that girl," she reached her hand out to hit against his shoulder.

"Look, I don't know what happened between you guys, but he's not happy with her," Mark pointed out, as though there had been a falling out between Derek and herself.

"Nothing happened, Mark. I haven't spoken to him since Hawaii before I came here today," she furrowed her brow as she studied his expression, "Why? Did he say something happened?"

Before Mark could respond, Dr Evans approached them, "I see managed to get yourself some scrubs, Grey. Let's see what you're made of then. Sloan, plastics have asked for you down in the ER."

The previous conversation between her and Mark seemingly suspended for now, he nodded to his superior and headed off. Meredith followed Evans to the operating room, conversing about the approach they would be using to evacuate the brain bleed.

As they scrubbed in, the door opened and Meredith found herself avoiding Derek's gaze, "You paged, Dr Evans?"

"Ah, Dr Shepherd, I want you to scrub in with us, had to send Dr Sloan down to the ER so we're down a pair of hands."

Derek nodded and stepped in, "Yeah, I'm free."

Meredith kept her face stoic as she went into the operating room with Evans. Although she didn't let it show on her face, the last thing she wanted was to stand in a surgery for hours with Derek stood in close proximity, watching her every movement. But if it meant she got a surgery out of this weekend; well it was better than not doing surgery at all.

Dr Evans had Meredith performing the surgery herself practically, talking through the steps with her as Derek assisted. Despite the electricity she felt being stood close beside him, she focused solely on the patient she was working on, glad that everything appeared to be going along as though it were from a textbook.

_Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room  
And we're not speaking and I'm dying to know  
Is it killing you like it's killing me yeah  
I don't know what to say since the twist of fate  
When it all broke down and the story of us  
Looks a lot like a tragedy now_

"Good work, Grey, you definitely have an affinity for neurosurgery," Evans pointed out as the three of them scrubbed out together, "Shame we can't convince you to stay and finish your residency here."

"You and my mother both," she said with a short laugh as she dried her hands,

"I'll go check on our patient, Dr Shepherd, maybe you could show Dr Grey here around a bit more, convince her a bit more to stay around," Dr Evans said as he left the room, leaving Derek and Meredith in the small room together.

"Meredith," Derek turned to her as he started to speak but she cut him off.

"Don't worry, you don't have to show me round. I know this place inside and out, I'm sure you've got more important things you can be doing, saving lives and all that," she still couldn't make eye contact with him, and went to leave the room.

His hand reached out and took hers and he spoke quietly, "Meredith, my shift is over. Maybe we can go get a drink, or something to eat. Talk."

"Talk about what, Derek? There's nothing to talk about."

He stepped closer to her, keeping her hand in his, "You didn't call, or message. April was there for me."

She furrowed her brow, "Derek, I… I told you. I couldn't," her voice caught, and she bit her lip, looking up at the ceiling a moment to avoid the tears spilling over as she thought about their time in Hawaii.

_This is looking like a contest  
Of who can act like they care less  
But I liked it better when you were on my side  
The battle's in your hands now_

A look of realisation washed over Derek's face, and this just confused her further. He released her hand as he spoke softly, "Your mother didn't tell you, did she?"

"She doesn't tell me a lot of things," her eyes locked on his, trying to figure out what he could be talking about, "What was she supposed to have told me?"

"Doesn't matter," he lowered his gaze to the floor for a second before looking back up at her, "I missed you."

She scoffed slightly, rolling her eyes as she shook her head, "Don't, please. You're getting on perfectly fine without me, it seems."

"Dammit, Meredith," he muttered under his breath as he stepped close to her, his hands at her waist as he connected their lips in a kiss. Her hands gripped the front of his scrub, both of them seemingly losing control in each other's presence. He groaned softly against her lips almost, sensing her response to him, "You're all I've ever wanted."

She caught herself after a few moments, pulling herself back from him as the tears spilled over her cheeks, breathing slightly heavier. Her hand covered her mouth and she shook her head as he made to step closer, using her other hand to hold out in front of her. When he stopped, she wiped away at the tears and spoke up, "You can't, no. We can't!"

She moved around him, heading towards the door but he caught her hand one more time. The words just came spilling out of his mouth. "I'm not giving up on you. I'm so in, it's humiliating. And I'm begging here, Meredith. Just give me a few hours to fix everything else, so we can do this properly. Because I love you. In a really, really big, pretend to like your music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window. So please, give me a chance. Pick me, choose me, love me. Meet me tonight, please. At the bar, before you go."

_But I would lay my armor down_ _  
_ _If you'd say you'd rather love than fight_ _  
_ _So many things that you wish I knew_ _  
_ _But the story of us might be ending soon_

She didn't confirm or deny whether she would be there or not and pulled her hand from his. Leaving him stood in the scrub room, his mind racing as he realised what he'd just openly admitted to her. He knew that there was no way she would stay in New York, and he couldn't just transfer to Seattle in the middle of his residency, could he?

_Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room  
And we're not speaking and I'm dying to know  
Is it killing you like it's killing me yeah  
I don't know what to say since the twist of fate  
When it all broke down and the story of us  
Looks a lot like a tragedy now, the end._

* * *

**The Story of Us – Taylor Swift.**


	9. In My Head

_Heartbreak Saturday night, getting ready, to make you see that I'm better, already. I put on every perfume, yeah, I do it to hurt you._

She took a deep breath before walking into the bar, spotting Derek stood by the bar talking with Mark. They appeared to be having a slightly heated discussion, but she couldn't decipher the subject of their conversation. She approached the bar and their conversation came to a halt as they noticed her. She didn't miss Derek's eyes surveying her body. She gave them a quick, nervous, smile in greeting before ordering her first tequila shot of the night.

Mark spoke up first, "Grey, you clean up well. Why so dressed up to drink on your own?"

She shrugged before downing the tequila shot and turned to them, trying to ignore Derek's presence, really, "I thought I was meeting someone here," her eyes caught Derek's gaze as she spoke, "Apparently, New York is a good place to meet people. And it's nice to dress up sometimes."

_Make sure I smelled like your bedroom when I was in it, wearing the dress when I met you, spent you spinning._

As the bartender served her a second shot, a group of girls entered the bar, one of them being that bloody Kepner girl again. She rolled her eyes at their sight, but realising where they were headed, her breath caught in her chest. They approached the area of bar Derek and Mark occupied, and she moved further down the bar, away from them. A moment later, Mark moved to sit close beside her, a grin on his face.

"Don't even try it, Mark," she smirked softly at him, wiping any evidence of betrayal off her face. Even if he weren't Derek's best friend, she wouldn't get involved with him, anyway, she knew how he was with women.

She eyed Kepner all over Derek, it was slightly embarrassing, but she struggled to look away. So, when Derek moved his arms around April's waist, pulling her close into a short kiss, she didn't miss it. And the knife of disappointment stabbed right through her chest. He obviously didn't mean that whole speech he'd given her before. She was stupid to believe it for even a second. Mark's hand touched her shoulder and he spoke in a softer tone, "Don't give up on him, Mer."

She narrowed her eyes at him, "I don't know what you're talking about, Mark."

He simply sighed and pulled her into a short hug, and as her chin rested on his shoulder a moment, she caught Derek's gaze, an unfamiliar rage in them. She pulled back from Mark's embrace, a playful expression on her face, "If you keep monopolising my time, how am I supposed to find someone to move on with?"

_And I flirt with your friends, but it's a beggar's revenge, because she's with you again._

_And I try to look away._

Mark laughed, attracting the attention of some of the girls who had entered the bar with Kepner, clearly curious to see who Mark was speaking with, but none within earshot of their actual conversation. "Mer, seriously. If you weren't staring at him so much, I'd actually try and believe you."

She scowled and downed another shot of tequila before stepping way from the bar, "I shouldn't have come to New York."

She turned around and retreated into the dimly lit beer garden to the back of the bar, needing the fresh air and escape from what she was witnessing inside the bar between Derek and April. She couldn't shake the look in his eyes that she'd seen. Was it jealousy? He had no right to be jealous. Why would he be?

_This dress too nice for a jacket so I'm freezing._

She stood outside the bar. Why did she put the dress on? Well, yes it looked good, and she had to admit her ass looked great - but she was cold. None of her coats looked right with the dress is she had forgone wearing one and was now regretting it. She needed more tequila. Tequila would warm her up.

As she turned to head back inside, Derek appeared in the doorway and her breath caught. She bit her lip as she avoided his gaze, but he simply moved closer to her. For a moment, she started to lean towards him, before collecting herself again.

_You're walking past and on habit I lean in.  
_ _Close to your touch, because I still think we're an us, and I know should give it up._

His eyes locked on her as he stepped outside, having followed her there. He couldn't help himself; he couldn't stop himself. He moved closer and he didn't miss the way they gravitated towards each other for a moment before she moved to step back.

"Derek, what are you - "

She was cut off as he grabbed her arm and moved with her into a darkened corner. His hands held her waist and brought her against him as he crashed his lips down against hers with a fierce need to be closer. He felt her freeze for what must have been a millisecond before she responded, and he was a little surprised that she had almost immediately returned his kiss, her fingers weaving through his hair. The hair only she could touch. His fingertips slipped under the skirt of her dress, against the smooth skin of her thigh. "I can't stop thinking about you," he heard himself groaning against her lips before he even processed what he was saying, and he didn't even care that he was admitting it to her. He needed her to know. Their lips parted slightly but still moved against one another, and the touch of her soft wet tongue teasing against him was enough to send him over the edge, if he wasn't there already. He gently pushed her back against the brick wall behind her, pressing into her, his arousal pushing against her core.

She gasped softly against his lips as he pressed into her, and she could feel her intimate muscles twitch with arousal, the heat pooling in her core. Her hips pressed back against his slightly in response to his slight presses against her as their tongues danced with one another. Her fingers gripped in his hair a little tighter and for a second her mind wondered whether or not he let April grip his hair. At the thought of her name, she was ready to pull her lips back from him, but when she did he took that as her simply needed to catch her breath - she was breathing rather heavily - and his lips simply matched on to her neck, lower and lower until he reached her clavicle. By the time his teeth grazed her skin there, she had lost her previous train of thought, remembering the feeling of his tongue against her most sensitive area and she moaned out softly.

As he continued to cover her neck with kisses and small nips of her skin, his fingers crept further up her thigh, under the skirt of her dress with light, but deliberate, touches, almost making her completely lose herself in him. If it weren't for the sudden sound of car alarm in the street shocking her back to reality.

_In my head, in my head, I'm yours.  
_ _And I should know better._

She couldn't do this. He was all over her, and he belonged to someone else, and she couldn't do this. She couldn't let him do this to himself. With all the willpower she had left, she pressed her hands against his chest and pushed him away from her. Her breathing was heavy as she stayed where she was against the wall, watching as Derek appeared to recollect his emotions, also breathing heavy. He looked to her, hurt apparent in his face, but she had to look past it. She had to keep her resolve. She couldn't break, one wrong move and she probably would just let him have his way with her. It wasn't like she didn't need it, like she didn't want it to happen. But she had no right to him. She would not follow in her mother's footsteps this way.

"You can't do this. We can't do this, Derek. You know it as well as I do. You're with _her._ Whatever we had between us in the past? It was gone as soon as you decided to be with her. I will not actively ruin someone else's life like this, even if she's the most irritating person I've ever met in my entire life who would do so much better as someone's personal assistant than a surgeon, I'm surprised she's still even in the programme..." as she recognised her own rambling, she caught herself, "Anyway, at the end of the day, it will just cause pain."

"Meredith," he breathed out her name and she clenched her fists, biting her lower lip slightly as she tried to stop the feelings bubbling up inside her. "I... I need you, Meredith."

She shook her head and held a hand out in front of her to stop him getting closer to her as she spoke, "You should have thought about that before. I waited; you know. I actually waited until I might see you again," she scoffed a little now at the thought, "Clearly, all those things you said weren't true, and I'm the idiot for believing you." When Derek had no response to her words, seeming frozen to the spot she continued, "I'm going back to Seattle tomorrow, and I don't plan on coming back here anytime soon. I'm glad things are going well for you."

She noticed the slight shakiness in her breath as she walked back into the bar, heading straight for a shit of tequila to calm the slight shake in her hands. She downed it as soon it reached her and followed the process with a second.

Her gaze caught Mark's furrowed brow as he watched her, clearly having seen Derek follow her outside. She gave a subtle shake of her head and followed the shift in his gaze. To Derek.

_Feels like half of me is missing, but there's no hope.  
_ _And you don't care who I'm kissing when the lights go.  
_ _Oh, I know, I know that you don't._

She watched as he spoke a few words to April, and she could just feel the stabbing pain through her chest again as she watched them together. His arm was around her and they spoke with one another, April giggling at his words as he gave her that smile. The smile she thought was reserved for just her. She inhaled sharply as she tried to ignore her own mind speaking to her.

_Can't forget oh forget how it was before, oh it felt forever baby._

* * *

_He had taken her back to his hotel room, neither able to stop touching the other, whether attacking each other with kisses in the elevator ride up, or keeping their hands linked between them. As Derek unlocked the door to his hotel room, Meredith's lips pressed against his neck in soft kisses, causing him to fumble with the lock on the door as she distracted him. Once he finally got the door open, he lifted her at the waist, causing her to squeal slightly as he carried her through into the bedroom, closing the door behind him._

_He lay her on the bed and hovered over her with a wicked grin on his face and she giggled softly, looking up at him as her fingers worked to unbutton his shirt. He moved to press his lips against her neck, his movements a little rougher as he pressed down against her, feeling her warmth against him._

* * *

Her mind flashed back to her memories of their short-lived time in Hawaii. It had felt too good to be true, to perfect. She'd shied away from it, ignored all her feelings. And now they chose to all come rushing back to her, feeling them at full force. Her stomach twisted with nausea, but she couldn't pull herself to look away from them.

_We should still be holding on I should still put on your coat, and when the music dies out you should still take me home._

She continued to watch as April giggled, clearly drunk off only a few cocktails, falling against him as he held her up. He took his jacket off and rested it around April's shoulders before leading her out of the bar, not once glancing over in Meredith's direction, if he even realised, she was stood there watching the whole interaction.

_Oh, I'm still hurting and I'm still here, you're still not looking at me, my dear.  
_ _I watch you leaving, I watch you go, and I say nothing, but we both know._

The stabbing pain in her chest only intensified, and she paid her tab to the bartender. She waited a moment longer to ensure she wouldn't run into the loving couple outside before leaving the bar herself, not bothering to say goodbye to Mark. She grabbed the nearest cab and jumped in, directing the driver to her mother's brownstone. She pulled her phone out, checking through flights back to Seattle for the second time that day and found one leaving in three hours.

She didn't even realise she'd started crying until the tears fell on her phone as she responded to a text from Cristina, letting her know she was flying back tomorrow. She wiped at her cheeks. She was leaving, and she wasn't coming back to New York until she was over him. Even if that meant never coming back.

_In my head, in my head,  
_ _In my head, in my head,  
_ _I'm yours._

* * *

**In Your Head – Maisie Peters.**


	10. Death By A Thousand Cuts

_Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts,_ _  
_ _Flashbacks waking me up,_ _  
_ _I get drunk, but it's not enough,_ _  
_ _'Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby._

"Meredith, I know your flight home is this afternoon, but I need you to run a quick errand before you go," she rolled her eyes as she heard her mother's voice. Now she needed help, just as she was leaving the state.

She turned to look at her mother who stood in the doorway of Meredith's childhood bedroom, one hand on her hip as she spoke, "What is it?"

"I need you to take this file over to Mount Sinai, for Dr Christopher Shepherd. You remember him, right? Trauma surgeon. Anyway, he's helping me with a project now that he's back in work," she held out a file to her daughter who took it in slight confusion. Derek's father? Back at work? Where had he been?

"Yeah, sure, I can take it on my way to the airport, I guess," she put the file into her carry-on bag, her brow furrowed.

"Good. Oh, I meant to tell you, but I think with everything that's been going on it clearly escaped my mind. He was ill, Dr Shepherd. Lung cancer. Derek, Dr Shepherd, you met him on Friday, he was torn up about it. Thankfully, he's come through the other side and is in remission now. Well, let me know when you've dropped it off and let me know when you land back in Seattle. I've been thinking about visiting Seattle myself…"

As her mind processed the new information from her mother, Ellis' voice was tuned out in place of her concentration, so she didn't hear about the upcoming possibility of being visited by her in Seattle. Derek's father was ill? Why didn't he tell her? Is that what he meant yesterday, what her mother should have told her? No wonder he thought he might've heard from her. Dammit, why did no one tell her? And when she hadn't been there, April must've been the one there for him. Could she even begin to compete with that? She needed to get out of New York.

_I look through the windows of this love,  
Even though we boarded them up,  
Chandelier still flickering here,  
'Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not,  
It's death by a thousand cuts._

* * *

She arrived at Mount Sinai hospital with only two hours before she needed to be at the airport for her flight. She approached the front desk and was easily directed to the emergency department where she should find Dr Christopher Shepherd. She recognised him as soon as she saw him, partly from memory, and partly from the similar features his son had obviously inherited from him. Especially the blue of his eyes.

He looked up from the computer he sat at as she approached, looking at her over his glasses, "Meredith Grey? Is that you?"

She laughed softly as she pulled the file her mother had given her for him out of her carry-on, "Good to see you again, Dr Shepherd. My mother sent me."

"Ah, yes, she did mention over email earlier this morning. How is she doing?" He stood and moved round the desk to stand beside her, taking the files.

"She's much better now, back to work on Monday. I don't think anyone would be able to stop her."

"Do you have time for a quick coffee?"

She hesitated a moment, but nodded, "I have an hour before I need to head to the airport."

She followed him outside to the coffee cart, and he purchased them both a coffee each before guiding her over to one of the free benches that surrounded the small grassy area. She took the coffee from him with thanks, unsure of what he wanted to speak to her about.

"My mother, this morning, she mentioned you had been unwell. I wasn't aware, I hope you're feeling much better now, and it stays that way. I'm glad you managed to pull through," she gave him a warm smile before taking a sip of the coffee, letting the cup warm her hands in the cool spring air.

"Thank you, I'm definitely doing better now. Just got back to work this past week," he gave a small nod, "It was hard, definitely gave me a greater understanding of the illness. I appreciate the support your mother gave my son."

Her eyebrows rose, both at the thought of her mother showing compassion, and the mention of Derek in the conversation, "Oh, I hadn't realised. I mean, she did imply an appreciation of his talents…" she tilted her head to the side a moment as she mused, "I guess that's how she expresses herself, though."

"He's told me about you, you know," he stated, and the look of pretend confusion on her face had him explaining himself a little more. "He spoke about meeting you again in Hawaii, he's very much a romantic, Derek. I just put two and two together, your mother had mentioned in passing about your holiday. I never let on to him who you actually were, so he didn't know you were Ellis' daughter until you showed up on Friday. I understand why you didn't want him to know."

She found herself biting her lower lip as he spoke, trying to push down the flight response that had instinctively risen in her. "I would've come to see you, to be here for him… If I'd known I would have. My mother didn't even mention anything until she gave me the file to pass along to you, this morning," her hands flexed around the coffee cup as she spoke.

"I know your father left when you were young, Meredith, and I'll admit, I know Ellis isn't exactly the best mother, though she means well. Just know, Carolyn and I, you can always come to us if you need anything. You're welcome in our home anytime," he rested his hand on her shoulder with a gentle squeeze, "Even if things don't pan out with you and Derek. You might not remember much, but I watched you grow up for a while when I would work with your mother or see her in passing."

Her eyes started to water a little, but she blinked away the tears as she gave him a small smile, "Thank you, I really do appreciate that, how is Carolyn?"

"She's good, you should come and visit next time you find yourself in New York. She hasn't seen you since you were about seven," he chuckled softly, and she nodded.

She glanced at her watch, realising she had to get going to the airport, "I have to get going. It was nice to see you again."

He moved her hand from her shoulder as she stood and he nodded, "Anytime. Oh, and Meredith?"

She looked to him, her hand holding her bag over her shoulder whilst the other held the half-empty coffee cup, "Yeah?"

"Don't give up on my son. I know he's with… well, just don't give up on him. He really does love you. He hasn't exactly told me this, but I can tell, the way he talks about you… well it reminds me of myself when I met Carolyn."

_And what once was ours,  
Is no one's now,  
I see you everywhere, the only thing we share,  
Is this small town.  
You said it was a great love,  
One for the ages,  
But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?_

* * *

After having been called away from the bar last night, at the least opportune moment, Derek was finally able to head home for some much-needed sleep. He hated he had to leave Meredith last night before anything could be resolved. He had been meaning to end things with April, but then he hadn't seen her until she walked in the bar and accosted him. He knew Meredith had watched the whole thing and couldn't blame her for her reaction when she'd seen them together. He'd felt the surge of jealousy just seeing her hugging Mark, although he knows she would never do something like that.

As he climbed in his car, his phone started ringing from his coat pocket. He quickly checked the name on the screen before answering, his dad was calling him. Which was strange, because it was always his mom who would ring if they had a dinner or anything. His dad only ever rang in an emergency.

"Dad? What's up?"

"Derek, I'm fine. Don't panic. I'm just calling because Meredith had just been here."

"Meredith? Why? Is she okay?" He couldn't hide the panic, despite his father telling him not to panic.

"Well, she's fine, physically. She came to drop some research off from her mother on her way to the airport. That's why I've called you. You need to meet her at the airport. Her flight leaves in just over an hour."

"Dad… I can't. She doesn't want anything to do with me. I've tried."

"And you're giving up so easily? It's obvious that girl cares for you. Look, she never knew I got ill. She really doesn't speak that much with her mother and when they did speak, her mother never thought to mention it. I've heard you speak about her, and I know she's the one for you. I know how much you love her. You need to do something about this," his dad's voice was firm, but caring.

"I know, I know she didn't know, I just, what about April?" he groaned as he ran his hand over his face, in two minds about what to do.

"We both know that your relationship with that girl was doomed from the start," his dad really had a way of being blunt with him, sometimes. It was refreshing and most times, he definitely needed it. "Derek, go to the airport. Tell her how you feel until she listens to you. Make her listen to you. If she's anything like her mother, she's stubborn as anything."

Derek couldn't stop the grin that etched into his expression as he spoke about her, "Yeah, she really is stubborn. Okay, okay, I'll go. I'm going."

"Good, oh, and don't forget dinner on Sunday," his father reminded him.

Derek rolled his eyes, how could he forget something that happened every week, on the same day? "I won't, see you later." Derek hung up the call and threw the phone on to the passenger side seat before starting the engine, clipping his seatbelt into place as he pulled out of the parking lot and headed in the direction of the airport.

* * *

He was running out of time. Traffic had been crawling on the drive here, and he didn't even know the exact time her plane was leaving. It may have already set off. He pulled into a parking space, rushing out the car and into the airport terminal, his eyes scanning the departure boards for flights to Seattle. Her plane was boarding in one minute exactly. Dammit.

He raced through to the terminal, praying he would have a chance to speak to her before she boarded the plane. He could hear the overhead tannoy calling the boarding for her flight as he got closer. His eyes scanned the seating area for her, his eyes finally catching the familiar colour of her hair. The polite smile on her lips as she handed her pass to the attendant.

He was too late; she was already past the boarding station and on her way to the plane. His eyes followed her through the glass wall as he watched her walking through. His hand ran over his face in frustration, and he could feel the anger bubbling up inside him. It took all of his strength to keep himself clam. He couldn't make a scene in the airport.

His breath caught then, and all his anger dissipated as she turned, and their eyes locked across the airport. He drank in the image of her, committing her to his memory, not knowing when he would be able to see her again. The way her hair fell naturally in waves over her shoulders, strands of golden blonde highlighted by the sunlight coming from outside. His eyes captured the way her teeth trapped her full, lower lip between them, a habit she had when she was nervous, and he wanted nothing but to hold her in his arms, right there and then.

_My heart, my hips, my body, my love  
Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch  
Gave up on me like I was a bad drug  
Now I'm searching for signs in a haunted club._

_Our songs, our films, united, we stand  
Our country, guess it was a lawless land  
Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand  
Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans._

Only a second had passed, but it felt like a life time. She gave him a small shake of her head before turning around, heading toward the plane once more, leaving him bereft.

_My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust  
Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up  
Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough  
But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts_

* * *

**Death By A Thousand Cuts - Taylor Swift.**


	11. Is It Just Me?

_It's been way too long for me to find it this hard,  
Sitting alone, my fingers picking the sofa apart,  
An attempt to distract from the fact that I miss you._

* * *

Her brow furrowed as she took in the scene in front of her. She stood on the catwalk, looking into Chief Webber's office, and if she wasn't mistaken, her mother was sat in there with him. That's the last thing she needed today.

All day her interns had been either causing problems or just being plain idiots. Not that it was different from any other day, but today she had a red wine induced hangover. Why did she agree to drink wine with Cristina last night? They _never_ drank wine. She groaned softly and decided that hopefully, if she ignored her mother, she would go away. If she was lucky.

She turned on her heel and took the long way round to the OR floor, to avoid being noticed walking past the Chief's office. She had a solo surgery today, clipping her first aneurysm, and she wasn't going to let her mother ruin that for her.

As she approached the OR board, she noticed Cristina stood waiting to see her off into her surgery, just as Meredith had done for her the day before.

"We are never drinking red wine in so much excess ever again," she groaned to her friend as she stood beside her, eyes scanning the OR board to double check where she would be and at what time. She quickly checked her watch and realised she only had 15 minutes before the scheduled start.

"I'm going to have to agree with that one," Cristina mumbled back, her eyes still trained on the board in front of her as Meredith picked up the chart for her patient, giving it one last read through. After a moment, Cristina spoke up again, "Hey, I thought you just had one surgery today?"

Meredith's grow burrowed as she looked at her friend in confusion, "I do only have one surgery today, Cris." In response, Cristina merely gestured toward the board and Meredith followed her gaze, just now seeing what she was talking about.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," she released a huff of annoyance before turning back to give a questioning Cristina an explanation, "My mother is here. Showing off her new method. I thought I saw her just now in the Chief's office, but I didn't even put two and two together," she rolled her eyes and continued to look through her patient's chart. Her face dropped as a second realisation hit her, "Oh she's speaking at the fundraiser, I doubt she'll let me get out of that…" she muttered, mostly to herself as Cristina wasn't paying her attention anymore.

Something, or rather someone, caught Cristina's eye, and her hand touched Meredith's shoulder, gaining her a look of annoyance from Meredith at the contact. Meredith, however, couldn't see who was stood just down the hall behind her, "Mer, I think you should go scrub in. You'll be great," she gave her a small smile, "I'll be in the gallery."

Meredith quirked an eyebrow at her friend's odd behaviour but didn't think to question it as she gave her a shrug and closed the chart, "I'll see you after, I guess."

As Meredith walked through the doors into the restricted area of the OR corridor, she couldn't help but watch the gaze of the dark-haired male following her friend's retreating figure, a sadness in his eyes. She approached him and quirked an eyebrow at him, "Shepherd, what are you doing here?"

His attention turned to Cristina as she stood in front of him, hands across her chest as she waited for his response. "Dr Grey… Ellis. She asked me to accompany her. My father is here as well."

"Well, you need to leave her daughter alone. She's doing good, finally. She's already up the wall with the fact her mother is here, she doesn't need you messing things up as well," Cristina pointed out.

"I'm not here to mess things up, you don't need to worry about that."

Cristina narrowed her eyes at him a moment as she tried to decide whether to believe him or not. She shook her head, decidedly not believing his intentions, "Just stay away." Without another word, she turned and stalked up to the gallery overlooking the OR Meredith would be operating in. She had no doubt there was trouble brewing.

_I wonder if your friends have had to carry you home,  
And stay for the night because they don't want to leave you alone.  
Way before it was fun, it's becoming an issue._

* * *

Meredith was on a high. A surgery-induced high. She had clipped the aneurysm perfectly and was ready to close up the patient. She had even managed to teach her interns a thing or two in the process. She didn't even care that she could feel eyes on her up from the gallery. Concentrating on the patient in front of her, she didn't feel the need to identify who the stare belonged to as she perfected her final sutures.

A grin formed behind her mask as her attending, Dr Miller, lead the OR in the ceremonial, solo surgery, round of applause, and she allowed herself a quick glance up at the gallery. And she could swear her heart missed a beat at what she saw, the grin wiped off her face almost immediately, not that anyone would notice under the mask. Quickly lowering her gaze again, she left the OR into the scrub room, pulling off her mask, gown and gloves and disposing of them before scrubbing out.

Cristina sat up there, a smirk on her lips as she watched her friend, proud of her. On the opposite end of the row of seats, sat her mother with Chief Webber beside her. Just seeing her mother sat there watching, judging her every move, that would be enough to push her nerves close to the edge. But that wasn't what caused her irregular heartbeat. Right behind them, sat none other than Derek _freaking_ Shepherd. And she was angry. That pushed her right over the edge and into the deep waters below.

How _dare_ he just show up here. What was he doing here anyway? He had no business being in Seattle, never mind sitting up in the gallery of _her_ OR with a smirk on his face. She felt like she needed to scream. She left the scrub room, where Cristina had waited outside for her. She needed to go talk to the patient's family, but she needed to go calm down first. Cristina took one glance at her friend's mood and grabbed her hand to lead her down the OR hall and into the nearest empty office, away from any prying eyes.

_I know it's cruel,  
But I kind of hope you're tortured too._

"So…" Cristina started, gauging her friend's reaction as Meredith paced the length of the small room.

"What is he doing here? What's so good about Seattle? Why can't he just stay on the east coast, and I stay on the west coast, and then everything would just be _fine_!" She groaned as she stopped in the middle of the room, her hands covering her face, muttering, "I need to forget about him, I need to calm down, and I need to go talk to the patient's family."

"Mer, you did a good job in there. Focus on that. It was your first solo aneurysm, and you had a good outcome," Cristina gave her a little sympathy, knowing how broken Meredith had been when she had come back from New York last year. "Forget about him, forget about your mother. Go and speak to your patient's family, give them the good news, and feel damn proud of yourself."

_Tell me, does your heart stop at the party when my name drops?  
Like you're stood at the platform when the trains cross.  
Are you hurting, yeah you must be,  
Or is it just me?_

She followed Cristina's instructions, making her way through to the family waiting area ready to give them an update on the patient. After a round of thank-yous and near hugs, letting them know a nurse will be through shortly to take them through, Meredith turned and found herself face to face with her mother.

"Meredith, I hope you aren't avoiding me," she chastised, and Meredith had to resist the urge to roll her eyes.

"I'm not, I was updating the family of my patient, and now I have to go and check on my patient," her eyes flickered to where Derek stood, a little ways back watching the interaction, unable to discern his thoughts or feeling she looked back to her mother.

"Well, yes, good work," the praise sounded forced, but Meredith took it anyway, "Will you be available to observe my surgery later this afternoon?"

She forced a smile and nodded, "Barring any emergencies or complications. I'll catch up with you later."

Her mother nodded, and placed a hand on Meredith's shoulder a moment, much to Meredith's curiosity, only to drop it a second later and turn back to Dr Webber, effectively allowing Meredith to go and check on her patient. As she made her way up to the ICU, she decided she would just avoid Derek for now. They hadn't spoken in over a year, since he left her in the bar, and it wasn't like he wouldn't know where to find her. He was probably still seeing that girl anyway, if he hadn't already moved on to his next conquest.

_Tongue-tied, screaming on the inside,  
When I say that we broke up and they ask why.  
Are you crying in the shower like a freak?  
Or is it just me?_

* * *

She had another hour before her mother's surgery started, and so far, had been unable to find an excuse to not be around while she was operating. She fell into a chair at their usual table in the cafeteria, Cristina and Alex already sat there waiting for her to join them. From their original intern group of five, they were the only three remaining at this point, halfway through their fourth year of residency.

Cristina didn't even bother to lift her head from the textbook in front of her as she addressed Meredith, "So, have you figured out why McDreamy appears to be stalking your mother around Seattle Grace?"

Meredith groaned softly and her face fell forward into her hands as Alex spoke before she could respond, "Wait, _that's_ the guy? I thought he was supposed to be into neurosurgery, like you?"

She looked up, her chin resting on her hands, "Apparently, he's my mother's favourite resident."

Alex let out a loud laugh, causing a few stares from the surrounding tables at his sudden outburst and Meredith simply shook her head before lowering her face into her hands again. An eery silence then fell in the cafeteria, and a familiar sensation came over Meredith and she knew before she raised her head that her mother was stood beside her, but when she looked up she didn't intend to find Derek stood there as well.

"Meredith, you remember Dr Shepherd, yes?" Her mother spoke, either still oblivious to the past between the pair, or wilfully ignoring it. Hearing a slight snigger from Cristina beside her, Meredith directed a kick of her foot at her friend's shin to shut her up.

"Oh, yeah," Meredith nodded, keeping her gaze on her mother, the lesser of two evils in that moment.

"I need you to chaperone him, can't have him following me around all day. Find him some scrubs as well, he'll be assisting me later on," at this, knowing Derek's dislike of general surgery, Meredith had to stop herself from laughing.

She gestured towards the empty chair at the table, "Sure, go ahead."

"Great," in Meredith's peripheral, she noticed Derek moving to sit in the chair. "I want you to scrub in as well, Meredith," there it was, she wasn't going to get out of this now. It was almost like karmic retribution for having _almost_ laughed at Derek.

"I'll see you there," Meredith conceded, receiving just a nod from her mother before she walked away, off to who knows where with Dr Webber. She took a sip of water from the bottle in front of her, suddenly feeling a thickness in her throat from the awkward tension that filled the air.

"Good to see you again, Cristina," Derek spoke first, and Meredith continued to stare at the bark on her water bottle.

"It's either Yang, or Dr Yang. It's hardly nice to see you again," as always, Cristina was straight forward. Meredith's gaze flickered upward to catch Derek's reaction, but he was seemingly unaffected. In fact, he seemed pretty unaffected being around Meredith. She was definitely not unaffected, as much as she didn't let it show. His face in the airport was etched into her mind, and she couldn't believe the stone-faced individual sat across from her was the same person she had left in the airport.

_I heard a rumour you've been spending some time,  
With that blonde girl that you work with and I know she's exactly your type,  
And my miserable mind's running wild with the picture.  
Or are you there by yourself, dialling, redialling my number?  
And I'm calling your mother, spilling tears on my jumper again,  
The way I am._

She cleared her throat and stood up from her chair, "I'll take you to get some scrubs then. I'll catch you guys later," her two friends simply nodded in acknowledgment before she walked away, expecting Derek to just follow her.

She could hear his footsteps behind her as she led him through the hallways, and she kept her chin up as they approached the unusually empty residents' lounge. She motioned towards where the spare scrubs were kept, "Just grab some. You can get changed through there, and there's a spare cubby for visitors." She didn't look at him as she spoke, instead heading over to her own cubby and busying herself with nothing much at all, thankful to be out of his proximity even if just for a moment.

Once he had closed the door of the changing area behind him, she let out a deep sigh and sat on one of the benches to wait for him to return. A few minutes past before he emerged again, putting his personal things in the spare cubby she had previously pointed out to him. Her pager beeped then, alerting her to a possible issue with one the post-op patients she was monitoring for Dr Miller. She stood up and motioned for Derek to follow her, "Keep up."

He nodded and followed her out of the door. Again, she just assumed he would keep up with her as she sped through the hallways to the patient. She entered the room where the nurse passed her the chart of her now awake patient, "Mr Smith, welcome back," she gave the patient a warm smile as her eyes flickered over the notes in the chart. Everything seemed to look okay, within limits. She moved over to the patient as she checked over his vitals, double checking what she had read in the chart.

"Glad to be back, Dr Grey," the patient gave her a tired smile, and she noticed his eyes flicker over to the door of the room. She followed his gaze to see Dr Shepherd stood there, in his scrubs that were accompanied by the lab coat he'd brought with him from New York, "Who's that? Don't I have enough doctors?" The patient joked, but the fatigue was obvious in his following laughter.

"That's Dr Shepherd, visitor from New York," she reassured her patient, "He's uh, shadowing I guess," she shrugged and gave the patient her full attention, continuing with her assessment. "Do you need anything more for pain, Mr Smith?"

The patient shook his head, "I think I'm on enough for now, but I'll let one of the nurses know if that changes. I'll probably just sleep it off as I usually do," this wasn't the patient's first brain surgery. He had to keep coming back for the resection of his brain tumour, but this time they had managed to get good margins and remove the whole thing.

"Well hopefully this will be your last time," she said with grin, stepping back from the patient who was simply looking at her with confusion for a moment before disbelief spread across his facial features.

"You… you got it all?" her heart welled slightly at the patient's reaction, seeing the tears forming in his eyes.

She nodded in response, unable to keep the grin off her face, "We did, Mr Smith. You're tumour free. Now get some sleep so that you recover properly, don't make all our hard work for nothing now."

The patient nodded, grinning now as well, "I'll definitely be getting some sleep now. Thank you, again. Pass it on to Dr Miller as well, if you see her before I get the chance to speak to her."

"I will," she made a note in the chart before signing her name and tucking the file under her arm, heading towards the door, "Get some rest, I'll check up on you before I leave tonight."

She walked out of the room, Derek having already walked out into the hallway, at what point she wasn't sure. She pulled the door half-way closed as she left and walked over to the nurses' station to put the chart back in its place.

"Can I read the chart?" She heard Derek speak up beside her for the first time since the cafeteria, and she turned to him, holding out the chart, her lips pressed together. As he took it, their fingertips brushed, and the familiar shot of electricity passed through them. After a moment of hesitation, she moved around the nurses' station to sit in one of the chairs to wait for him, watching as he flipped through the pages, studying the notes and the scans encased within the chart.

_'Cause this would be one whole lot easier,  
God, I know that's selfish but it's true,  
If underneath some calm exterior,  
You're all fucked up too._

Eventually he spoke up again, "That's… impressive."

Meredith simply nodded in agreement, taking the chart back from him, "Not all of us let Ellis Grey push us into General." She eyed him, still curious as to the reason he had accompanied her mother to Seattle.

Derek chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair, "I'm not… I'm still specialising in neurosurgery, as well. She asked me to join her, that's all, and my father is around here somewhere as well. I thought it would be a nice getaway from New York."

"Seattle isn't exactly a holiday destination, it rains a lot," she raised an eyebrow at him but then shook her head as she stood up from the chair and put the chart back, "Anyway, we should get going. Surgeons are never late."

She started walking again, heading now in the direction of the OR floor. She reached the elevator with Derek just as the doors opened and it emptied, leaving them alone in the elevator. She stood with some distance between them as the elevator moved between floors. The tension in the small space could probably be cut with a knife.

"Meredith, I…" he began, turning to face her, but she cut him off.

"No, we're not talking about it. We aren't friends, we aren't anything. You're a visiting Doctor here, and I'm being a polite host," she was sharp, but her words were effective. He was quiet again and faced the closed doors of the elevator.

_Tell me, does your heart stop at the party when my name drops?  
Like you're stood at the platform when the trains cross,  
Are you hurting, yeah you must be,  
Or is it just me?_

She let out a sigh of relief as the elevator eventually reached the OR floor and she removed herself from the tense atmosphere, just to be thrust into another when she stood at the sink in the scrub room between her mother and Derek.

As luck would have it, her pager started beeping just as they were about to walk in. She was need urgently on a 911 in the pit. "Sorry, got to go."

She looked to her mother who simply gave an understanding nod, "Make sure you at least make an appearance tonight." She couldn't look at Derek. Grateful to whoever had paged her, she quickly made her way down to the pit. Sometimes life did give you a break.

_Tongue-tied, screaming on the inside,  
When I say that we broke up and they ask why,  
Are you crying in the shower like a freak?  
With only cigarettes for company?  
Are you crying in the shower like a freak?  
Or is it just me?_

* * *

**Is It Just Me? - Emily Burns**


	12. Exile

_I can see you standing, honey,  
_ _With his arms around your body,  
_ _Laughing but the joke's not funny at all._

Straightening the sleeves of his suit jacket, he walked into the function room that had been done up for the hospital's fundraising event he had been invited to. Around the room stood various doctors from Seattle Grace hospital, including benefactors. If anyone were to ask, he was here for the opportunity given to him by Dr Ellis Grey, getting experience of how other hospitals were run. He wasn't sure himself why she had chosen him to accompany her, but he could only assume it was out of convenience given that his father had been invited to the event as well, as they the two senior doctors were visiting anyway for reasons he hadn't bothered to listen to.

His eyes caught the reason he even accepted the offer immediately, seeing her stood by the far end of the bar, her waist held by foreign arms. He recognised the dress she worse, the one she had on when they first met. If anything, it fit her better now than it had four years ago. His eyes narrowed as he felt the surge of jealousy run through him, did she wear that dress on purpose, to anger him? He barely glanced at the guy, only to register that he was male, a little older than Derek, and Meredith for that matter. He could tell they were having a quietened conversation of some sort, and she looked almost tense beside him, but wasn't pulling herself away.

_And it took you five whole minutes,  
To pack us up and leave me with it,  
Holding all this love out here in the hall._

He strode over to the opposite end of the bar, keeping her in his eyesight. He ordered his usual drink and leant against the bar, ensuring she was aware of his presence as their eyes locked together. Her eyes broke from his as someone else approached them, and he noticed the fake laugh she exhaled at whatever was said. The way this guy's hand started to lower down Meredith's back made Derek's blood boil. No one should be touching her like that, only him.

Didn't she realise what she was doing to him? He still felt this intense love, desire for her, and not only had she not told him about this budding relationship she appeared to be having, she definitely didn't hesitate to flaunt him in front of her. He was still willing to fight for her, and one wrong move from that guy could probably earn him a swiftly broken nose at the hands of Derek. She wasn't his though, not anymore.

_I think I've seen this film before,  
And I didn't like the ending.  
You're not my homeland anymore,  
So what am I defending now?_

He took his drink from the bartender, taking a sip and relishing in the burn down his throat of the golden-brown liquid. Unable to watch wherever the unknown male's hand was planning to go, he caught Meredith's gaze once more, noticing the slight motion of her biting her lip, which proved too much for him to witness. He pushed himself off the bar and turned around to begin circulating around the room.

Lost in thought, he only noticed his own father when a hand placed on his shoulder, and It was obvious to the older Shepherd of the mood his son was in.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Christopher tried to push Derek to speak to him, but all Derek could do was shake his head and take another drink of scotch.

"She's not mine," he muttered as he shrugged his shoulders and leant back against the wall beside them, "and now I have to watch that."

Christopher glanced to where Derek had motioned toward, seeing Meredith in quiet conversation by the door to the balcony with Brayden, the general surgery fellow from Mercy West, who he only knew through Ellis. He instantly figured that was something engineered by the controlling woman and shook his head a little. He knew there was no serious relationship going on there, but maybe it would give Derek a taste of his own medicine. "I guess you know how she felt last year, Derek," he turned back again and gave his son a concerned look, sighing softly, "If it's meant to be it'll work out. She'll come back to you."

"And if I've already missed that chance? We've happened upon each other so many times at the hand of this so-called fate, and I've ruined every chance, why should I get another?" Derek shook his head and pushed up off the wall, leaving his father with whichever surgeon had approached him for conversation.

_You were my town,  
Now I'm in exile seeing you out,  
I think I've seen this film before._

* * *

Across the bar, Meredith was feeling very uncomfortable with the whole situation. Not only did she have to go to the hospital fundraising gala this because her mother was attending, and on short notice, she also had unwanted physical contact with Brayden. Clearly, her mother had taken it upon herself to invite a date for Meredith, the guy she'd set her up with a few times now. Brayden took this to mean him and Meredith were in some kind of relationship.

She wasn't sure why her mother would go to such lengths to set her up with a guy, given her opposing views on Meredith having a relationship at all until her residency and fellowship were finished with. No distractions, that was what she was always told.

She felt his presence in the room before she saw him. She caught his eyes as he leant against the bar, in her eyeline but out of her Brayden's. Their gazes locked a moment, and she could see the look in his eyes that she had seen in the bar when she had hugged Mark, only much more intense, his blue irises darkened at the mix of jealousy and lust battling for dominance. The way his hand gripped the edge of the bar, she knew he was angry, and it wouldn't surprise her in the least if Brayden left this soiree with a broken nose.

_I can see you staring honey,  
Like he's just your understudy,  
Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me._

She broke her gaze with Derek and had planned to pull herself from Brayden's embrace when they were approached by one of his colleagues, making a comment on how adorable the pair looked. She exhaled in a soft laughter, keeping the peace, not finding the compliment very complimentary at all. The only person she wanted with his arm around her, attempting to feel her up…

She swallowed, her gaze turned to find Derek again, and she bit her lip as she watched him sip at his drink before pushing his weight off the side of the bar and turning around to start circulating around the room. She noticed his father had found Derek's acquaintance and she turned back to the situation at hand. Her hand squeezed Brayden's arm as she turned to look up at him, "Can I speak to you a moment, in _private_?" She hoped he caught on to her annoyance, but from her limited knowledge of him, he probably didn't.

Brayden gave her a nod and they moved to the side of the room, by the balcony doors. His handles settled on her waist, "What's wrong, my love?"

She cringed internally at his choice of words and hoped it didn't show on her face. She took his hands, moving them off of her waist as she spoke, "Brayden, I'm not, we're not…"

"Meredith, you can't deny there is something between us," he spoke in a soft voice, stepping towards her again, but she stepped back herself and shook her head.

"No, this was all engineered by my mother. I have no intention of taking this any further. I have to focus on my career," she told him, being blunt was probably the only way she'd get her message across to this guy.

He rolled his eyes at her, seemingly wising up, "Fine. I should have known this was fruitless when your mother suggested it."

She watched as he walked away, a little confused by his reaction but shook it off. She didn't have time for trivial matters. She needed to get this night over with and get home. It'd be even better if her mother and Derek could be gone back to New York soon as well, but she had no idea how long they were staying in town for.

She smoothed the front of her dress before starting to make her way back over to the bar, "Can I get an old-fashioned?" The bartender nodded and went to grab a bottle of whiskey to put in the drink when she realised her mistake, "Oh, no! With tequila. Sorry."

The bartender simply nodded with a polite smile and continued to make her drink as requested. Really, she wanted a line of tequila shots, or maybe just the whole bottle, but her mother would definitely have something to say about that.

She thanked the bartender as he passed her the drink and she took a sip, closing her eyes as she focused on the sensation of the sharp liquid travelling down her throat. She then turned, her eyes darting around the room to find someone to make conversation with. Her eyes found the warm, welcoming blue, calm, caring ones of Christopher Shepherd's, who was now stood alone, and she gave him a small nod of acknowledgement.

She crossed the room to stand beside him and he leaned forward to kiss his cheek, which she returned, "It's good to see you again, Meredith."

"You too, Dr Shepherd," she gave a him a smile as she sipped her drink.

"Call me, Chris, please," he chuckled softly, "How have you been these past few months? I saw you speaking with Brayden Cooper earlier," he raised his eyebrows in curiosity at her.

She shook her head a little with a soft laugh, "That's nothing. That's Ellis trying to control my relationships. Which is strange, since she tells me not to bother with that until I've at least completed my fellowship," she rolled her eyes almost involuntarily, "Other than that though, I've been good. Working on some research myself, actually."

"I heard some rumours about that. Sounds promising, it would definitely set your career off," he grinned at her, and she got the sense that he was proud of her.

"Yeah, I guess we'll see," she grinned back at him, but it soon fell as she caught sight of her mother approaching the pair.

"Come on, Meredith, Christopher, we need to go. They're about to start," Ellis chastised as she took her daughter by the arm over to their table, Christopher following in amusement.

She took her seat at the table beside her mother, tapping her fingers against her drink glass as she waited for the ceremony itself to start. Chris had also sat at the table with him, leaving an empty seat between himself and Meredith, which she didn't think much of, until she realised what he was doing. She exchanged a look of acknowledgement with her Chief of Surgery, who sat on the other side of Ellis.

As Derek sat in the chair beside Meredith, with it being the only empty one at the table now, she looked up to the older Shepherd man, raising an eyebrow at him and he just shrugged, as if he had no idea what he'd done. She looked straight ahead, half listening to whatever her mother was going on about as she finished the rest of her drink. As a waiter passed the table, she got their attention to get her a refill, only to be chastised by her mother again, "Meredith, I hope you don't plan on getting black-out drunk tonight."

She rolled her eyes at Ellis' comment, and rested her chin on her palm, supported by the table and muttered softly, "Of course not, Mother."

She attempted to ignore the blue-eyed gaze of her long-lost lover beside her as the host for the evening droned on. Every now and again, though, she couldn't help herself and would glance over at him, trying to read the expression on his face, an attempt to read his thoughts. He wasn't giving her an inch. She focused again on the small stage where they were ready to introduce her mother, Dr Ellis Grey, to come up and speak. She watched as her mother stood with her air of grace, and sophistication, making her way over to the small stage and up to the podium.

She started to speak, welcoming them all there and getting straight into the medicine. Her mother's eyes caught hers a few times, but she couldn't quite distinguish the look she was being given. It was almost as if she was being asked a question, but she didn't know what the question was. She watched her Ellis' gaze shift to the male who sat beside her for a split second before focusing on the rest of the audience again.

Meredith turned to look to her side, and it would seem the only person not looking Ellis was Derek. Because Derek was looking at her, again, or still. She wasn't sure which. She let out a short exhale and furrowed her brow before looking back to her mother to catch the end of her speech, the words she spoke resonating with her, and making her feel proud in this moment to be Ellis Grey's daughter.

"Also, with laparoscopic common bile duct exploration, post-op bi-leaks and strictures are significantly minimised. It was called, at the time, an audacious technique. And it was," her mother let out a short laugh and a small laughter agreed with her. "Some context for you. I was the only woman in my surgical residency programme. They called me… 'girl' and 'Mrs Grey,'" this comment made Meredith smirk to herself, resting her chin on her hands as her elbows propped on the table. "Along with the one black male resident, I was clearly excluded," this had Meredith quirking her eyebrow, not only at the mention of Richard Webber, her own Chief of Surgery, but at the forlorn look in her mother's eyes when she looked over at him. Clearly, she had missed something there, some piece of history between them both. And, given the look Richard was now giving her mother, she had a pretty good idea of what it might entail.

Her mother continued on, "They didn't want me to be part of their boys' club. So, I did the only audacious thing you can do with an audacious technique. I got myself published in the journal of American medicine. That caused an uproar. A resident was not first author of a published paper," she paused a moment before carrying on. "But the truly audacious part came when they saw what I named my technique. The Grey Method. I put my own name on it. You should've heard the boys roar about that. The first time I won the Harper-Avery I dedicated it to the men who had been so supportive. No, I wish, just kidding. The first time I won the Harper-Avery, I thought, screw all those boys. I stood there, holding that trophy," her gaze moved back to Meredith now, as thought she was only talking directly to her, "And I thought about everything I'd sacrificed, what I had overcome, and I dedicated that award to all the women surgeons who would come after me."

As the audience applauded around them, Meredith sat up straighter in her chair, her hands dropping into her lap with a quiet applause of her own. All of a sudden, she was feeling a little suffocated. She needed to get air. As Richard stood to join Ellis on the stage, presumably to round up the end of the speeches before the evening continued, Meredith stood and headed for the french doors that lead out onto the balcony. She found herself gripping the iron bars that enclosed the balcony area, taking deep breaths of the fresh evening air.

It was all just getting too much. Having eyes on her all evening. The ones of her mother, that she couldn't quite figure out. The glares she could feel coming from Brayden who had lingered across the room. Derek's eyes, watching her expectantly, as though he couldn't stop himself from looking at her.

_Second, third and hundredth chances,  
Balancing on breaking bridges  
Those eyes add insult to injury._

The sound of the doors closing behind her startled her, and she span around to see who had joined her out on the balcony. She pressed her lips together a moment as he moved closer to her, "What do you want from me?"

"Meredith…" he started, reaching a hand out to her.

"No! You've been looking at me _all night._ You need to stop!"

His eyes softened as he moved closer to her, and she couldn't move, backed up against the iron railing. "Meredith –" she cut him off again.

_I think I've seen this film before  
And I didn't like the ending  
I'm not your problem anymore  
So who am I offending now?_

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" She was angry now, it had taken all the willpower she possessed to stay away from him all night, and now he had followed her outside onto the balcony where she'd escaped to get some space to breath in the first place, away from his stare. "Why did you even follow me out here? I'm trying to get away from you, Derek. I can't breathe with you looking at me like that. We can't do this. You moved on. I made it very clear that I didn't want a relationship and you moved on," she took a deep breath, looking down, before speaking again, "Leaving you, first after the time we spent in Hawaii, and then again after New York, it almost killed me." She turned to look at him again now, his gaze still fixed on her as she spoke, seemingly lost for words. She shook her head at him and although she could feel herself shaking slightly, she continued on, "You can't just follow me around, staring at me, when I know you belong to someone else. You don't belong to me, and I don't belong to you. You're with someone else and I can't have these feelings, I can't, and when you look at me like that – "

"Meredith, let me talk," he interrupted her rambling. As cute as it was, he needed to stop her train of thought now. "I don't belong to anyone, I'm not with anyone. The only person I want to belong to is you," he grabbed her hand and pulled her close against him, whilst his other hand moved to hold her at her waist. His lips lowered to just below her ear, talking softly, "It's been torture without you."

Her breath caught at his sudden movements, and goose bumps raised on her skin at his warm breath grazing against her skin. Her hand gripped to his for dear life as he continued to speak, looking into her eyes again, "I hurt you, and I'm sorry. You're it for me, you're everything. I don't know what I was doing with her, but I wasn't happy. You make me happy. And I'll wait for you. I promise to you, this time, I'll wait. As long as it takes."

She didn't know why she was crying or when it had started, but tears were falling down her cheeks. He released his hold on her hand and waist, bringing both hands up to cup her face and wiping his thumbs over her cheeks to wipe away the tears before lowering his lips against hers.

She immediately responded to the touch of his lips, her hands gripping the front of his jacket to bring herself closer against him. He slowly backed her up again against the iron railing as their lips danced together, pressing his body against hers. Nothing could compare to how she made him feel. He had wanted nothing more than to do this again ever since they'd been at the bar back in New York, and he regretted not coming to find her in Seattle after he'd missed her in the airport until now. He wished he hadn't taken so long. He wished he hadn't talked himself into believing they were both better off if he left her alone. A soft moan escaping Meredith's lips spurred his arousal on further, his need for her increasing with each flicker of her tongue against his.

His hands moved to her waist, and the fabric of her dress gripped between his fingers. His lips were pressed against hers and his hands held her hips with a slight pressure against the outside wall, and a voice in her head was telling her they needed to move, but she didn't want to lose his touch, not after being without it for so long. But she had to. Without any warning, she slipped away from his hold and went back inside, not daring to look back at him. She needed a drink.

_You were my crown,  
Now I'm in exile seeing you out.  
I think I've seen this film before  
So, I'm leaving out the side door._

* * *

One second, he had her in his arms, and the next moment she was gone, and she left him feeling empty, bereft. He straightened the front of his jacket from where her fingers had clung on and ran his hand through his hair. He turned, walking back through the balcony doors and into the large room that hummed with various conversations, no one the wiser as to what had transpired out on the balcony.

His eyes scanned the room and zoned in on Meredith, stood by the bar with a shot of tequila sat on the bar on front of her. He frowned a little as he moved up beside her just as she swallowed the small amount of liquid in the glass. His hand touched her gently at the small of her back, and the tension that had been present in her when he approached appeared to fade away, although she did jump slightly. He spoke in a low voice, close to her ear, "Meredith, please can we talk?"

_So step right out, there is no amount_  
Of crying I can do for you  
All this time  
We always walked a very thin line  
You didn't even hear me out (Didn't even hear me out)  
You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)

"Derek, we can't, not here…" she murmured softly against the glass of her drink as she took a sip.

"Then when?" He signalled to the waiter and ordered a drink of his own, "I just want to talk."

She sighed softly and pressed her lips together as she thought for a moment. Maybe she should meet up with him later on… to talk, of course. She grabbed a pen that had been left on the bar and a napkin, writing her number on the tissue before sliding it over to him, "We can talk later."

Distracted by the fact she had actually given him her number, he didn't notice that she had slipped away from him until it was too late, and he saw her across the room talking to her mother a moment before he watched her leave the function room, pulling his phone out ready to message her.

* * *

**Exile (feat. Bon Iver) - Taylor Swift**


	13. I Wanna Be Yours

_I wanna be your vacuum cleaner,  
Breathing in your dust.  
I wanna be your Ford Cortina,  
I will never rust._

* * *

Meredith's phone buzzed as she walked into her apartment and she pulled it out to find a message from Derek, having never deleted his number.

_Is now too soon?_

She bit her lip as her fingers hovered over the keyboard, walking through into her kitchen, her heels tapping against the linoleum floor. She quickly tapped out a message to him, sending him her address. She set her phone down on the counter, grabbing a glass from the cupboard, pouring tequila into it, half-wondering why she didn't just drink it from the bottle.

She kept the dress and heels on, having been told by Derek he would be there in no more than ten minutes. She sat on the couch with the glass in her hand, swirling the liquid around as she tried to not let her anxiety build up over the fact Derek Shepherd would be in her department, someone she never intended on seeing again. And she knew she said that every time, and she would end up seeing him again, but she actively wanted to not have to deal with these feelings again. She thought she was done with him after New York - until she'd seen him again.

* * *

_If you like your coffee hot,  
Let me be your coffee pot.  
You call the shots babe,  
_ _I just wanna be yours._

* * *

The intercom buzzed, and she stood with the glass still in her hand, pressing the button to unlock the front door as she spoke, hoping she hid the shakiness in her voice, "Come up."

She finished the drink, taking the glass to the sink before walking back to the apartment door as a soft knock sounded on it. She opened the door, gently biting her lip as she saw Derek stood there, still in his suit from the evening. His top collar was un-done and he'd clearly loosened his tie, his hair slightly dishevelled as though he's been running her hands through it. _Or from when her hands were tangled in it..._

She didn't realise she was staring until he spoke, getting her attention, "Hey, can I come in?"

"Oh, yeah," she murmured softly, stepping to the side, and opening the door wider for him to come inside. She shut the door behind him, and turned to look at him, finding his eyes studying her. "Uhm, do you want a drink or anything?"

* * *

_Secrets I have held in my heart,  
Are harder to hide than I thought.  
Maybe I just wanna be yours,  
I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours,  
Wanna be yours, wanna be yours, wanna be yours._

* * *

He shook his head and her eyes followed the movement of his hand as he ran his fingers through his hair, "I'm okay, I just, I've missed you. So much."

His hand reached for her and she let him pull her into him, his arms moving around her as he held her close and she melted into his hold, her hands resting against his chest. His lips lowered against the top of her head as he held her. Her voice faltered slightly as she spoke again, "I… I miss you too."

As she moved her head to look up at him, their eyes met, and he pressed his lips down against hers in a soft, slow kiss that she didn't hesitate to return. One hand gripped the front lapel of his jacket, the other sliding up into his hair, desperate to feel his soft hair between her fingers. One of his hands gripped at her waist, turning them so he had her pressed against the wall of her hallway, slowly deepening the kiss as his tongue ran along her lower lip, urging her lips to part on his as he longed to taste more of her.

His free hand went up into her hair, cushioning the space between the back of her head and the wall as he moved firmer against her, memories of his first night with her in that same dress almost five years ago flooding back to him. His lips separated from hers as they both gasped for breath, but they never left her skin as he moved to kiss the sweet spot on her neck he remembered as being her weak spot, demonstrated by the soft moan she released as he did so, music to his ears.

Overwhelmed with the sensation of his lips against the soft skin of her neck, his hand gripping her waist, his body pressed up against hers, along with the buzz she was feeling from the tequila, she struggled to maintain her train of thought. His name escaped her lips in a soft gasp as she felt his teeth nipping her skin, and the pool of desire deep within her only grew. His lips moved back to hers with slower kisses this time, as though they were savouring one another. She pulled her hand out his hair and she pushed his jacket of his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor as the stepped out of her heels. At the loss of her extra height, his arms slid around her waist to hold her up against him, murmuring against her lips, "We need to talk."

She opened her eyes to look into his as their lips parted, a darkness misting her eyes with the desire she felt for him as she spoke quietly, "I need you."

He breathed out a slight groan as he stepped back, almost as though he was forcing himself back from her, taking off his tie as she leant back against the wall, watching him curiously.

She pushed herself up off the wall, walking through into her bedroom ahead of him as she undid the tie at the back of her dress, not having to look back to know he was following her in, proven by his fingers unzipping the back of her dress as he came up behind her when she stopped at the foot of her bed. She turned as the dress fell off her shoulders and to the floor, her fingers unbuttoning his shirt, not missing the way his eyes looked down at her body, now noticing the black lace body-suit she had been wearing underneath her dress all evening.

"You sure about talking?" She asked, pushing his shirt off his shoulders, letting it join her dress on the floor.

He groaned softly and lifted her up, her legs wrapping loosely around his waist as he moved them over to the bed, laying her beneath him as he attacked her neck with kisses, murmuring softly, "We really, really should... God, you're too tempting."

Her back arched slightly as his hand ran down her side, over the lace, before gently gripping her ass, eliciting a soft moan from her lips. His lips moved back to hers, their breathing ragged with desire for one another as their bodies moved in synchronised motions, perfectly moulded for one another. Her hands moved to unfasten his dress pants, and he didn't stop her, letting her push them down so that he could kick them off the end of the bed. He felt a shiver run along his spine as her fingers played with the waist band of his boxers and he gently nipped her lower lip, tugging ever so slightly before releasing it and pulling back slightly to look at her.

He supported himself with one arm on the mattress as the fingers of his other hand moved back up to her face, stroking over her cheek and jawline with a soft whisper, "You're so beautiful... but we really should talk."

She went to lay her head back on the pillow, but his arm slipped under her, around her waist, gently pulling her half on top of him as he lay on his back. She looked up at him from where her head lay on his chest, one leg hooked over his waist as she spoke softly, "Derek... I can't. Relationships, I can't."

* * *

_Let me be your 'leccy meter and I'll never run out  
And let me be the portable heater that you'll get cold without  
I wanna be your setting lotion (I wanna be)  
Hold your hair in deep devotion (how deep?)  
At least as deep as the Pacific Ocean  
I wanna be yours_

* * *

His fingers ran through her hair as he spoke, "Meredith, I want you to be mine, I want to be yours."

"But we're on opposite sides of the country, and my mother..." her voice trailed off.

"She's only my chief for the next year. And we can do long distance, I know we can," his fingers continued to play with her hair as he spoke, pleading with her to see his side of things.

"That's not what I mean," she sighed softly as she sat up, pulling the sheet up as she did, "I've always been told from a young age, to focus on my career, don't get distracted by boys and relationships, succeed in my career, that's the priority. That's what's important."

He sat up beside her, his arm still around her as he pulled her against him, her face turning to bury against his shoulder. He lowered his lips to press a kiss against the top of her head, "I understand. I know your career is important, the way you're so driven in your career is one of the things I love about you. I want you in my life though. Now, in the future, I want you there with me, I want to be there with you."

"I want you, too. Seeing you with someone else," a shiver ran down her spine as she thought about it, but she was quickly warmed again by his hold around her, "I felt like someone was repeatedly stabbing me in the chest."

He placed two fingers under her chin and lifted her head to look up at him, a sadness in his eyes at her words and he spoke quietly, "I'm sorry."

"I know you had no obligation to... I just, why didn't you wait? You said that you'd wait?" Her voice went quite as she spoke with nervousness, not sure she should have even asked in the first place.

"I guess I just convinced myself we wouldn't meet after it had been a year, and my dad was sick and he wanted to see me happy," he shook his head a little at the thought, "it all seems so stupid now. He knew I wasn't happy anyway, not without you."

"He said you'd talked about me…" she said with a playful smirk, "Apparently you couldn't stop speaking about me."

Derek's brow furrowed, "You spoke to my Dad, when?"

She laughed softly and her hand lifted to run her fingers over his stubble, "I know your dad, and I've met your mother before," she shrugged a little.

"That explains a lot…" he murmured softly, seemingly in thought as she watched him, "What about the General Surgery fellow?"

She shook her head a little, "That looked like more than it ever was, or it was ever going to be. That was my mother trying to set me up, which didn't even make sense, considering she made me swear off relationships."

His brow furrowed as he seemed to think about this, as though he had more information about this than she might, but she didn't want to dwell on the subject.

Her hand cupped his cheek as she kissed his lips softly, pulling him out of his thoughts. She pressed another kiss to his cheek as she moved onto her knees a little, his arm loosely around her waist, and she spoke softly, "I believe we were in the middle of something?"

"I believe we were," he said with a throaty chuckle. He pressed his lips to hers again in a gentle kiss that slowly increased in intensity, Derek laying back as she manoeuvred on top of him, straddling his hips as his hands moved up her back.

"I want you to be mine," she murmured softly as she pressed kisses against his neck.

"I'm all yours if you'll have me," his fingers weaved through her hair as he spoke, gently pulling her lips back to his.

"When do you go back to New York?" she spoke between kisses against his lips.

"Tomorrow evening. Are you in the hospital in the morning?" He pulled back a little to look into her eyes.

She nodded a little, "I'm due in at 10, 24-hour shift on call. What time is your flight?"

"8pm, not too late a flight, we can go to breakfast and then I'll come to the hospital with you tomorrow until I have to leave. You can show me some more of that amazing skill you possess," he chuckled softly, playing with her fingers as he spoke.

She rolled her eyes at him playfully before pressing a kiss to his lips, her eyes catching the time on the clock beside her bed, "We should probably get some sleep then."

"Hmm, we should," he groaned softly as his lips attacked her neck with kisses, moving them so that he was now on top of her, "But I really have missed you, baby."

She laughed softly as her head fell back against the pillows with him on top of her, her back arching as she felt his lips travel down between the valley of her breasts still barely covered by the lace lingerie she wore. She bit her lip as he pulled the straps over her shoulders and down her arms, murmuring softly against her skin, "As much as I love this, it's time for it to come off."

Her breath caught in the back of her throat as she moaned softly, the touch of his lips kissing over her hardening nipples sending shockwaves of pleasure through her body as he pulled the lingerie down to her hips. His lips moved further down her abdomen as he pushed the fabric down off her legs, and her fingers entwined into his hair with a gentle grip.

His every touch would send the same shockwaves through her, heating up her skin with each movement, each warm caress of his lips against her sensitive skin building her up more and more each time, his movements become faster and more insistent, intent on giving her as much pleasure as he was able to. It didn't take long for her climax to hit, and she was still feeling the after effects of his actions as he moved his lips back up to hers, allowing her to taster herself on his lips, his tongue pushing slightly against hers.

A sudden urge came over her as the waves from her climax faded, and she moved them so that she was on top again, ready to reciprocate his actions to give him the same, if not more, pleasure than he had given her. She basked in the groans she elicited from deep in his chest as she pleasured him, savouring his taste that she had missed for so long.

Meredith may not have been very good with words, but she found actions to be just as affirming, if not more. Expressing how she felt into her actions was the best way she found to express herself, and she was ready to show Derek exactly how she felt about him, even if she did struggle to say the words right now. As Derek's climax hit him, she moved back up his body, needing to feel him inside her, to make that connection once more, the way they fit so perfectly together as though they were made for one another.

Derek took charge again this time, swapping their positions, moving himself over her with the same need and desire she held for him, demonstrated by his hot, needy kisses against her lip, and down her neck. Soon enough, he was ready for her and didn't waste any time in reconnecting himself with her in the most intimate way possible, earning a small gasp of his name from Meredith.

They moved together slowly at first, her hips moving upwards to meet each of his movements, her fingers tangled into his hair again as she kept him close against her, unable to keep their lips off each other, whether against the other lips or her face buried against his neck, the connection was never broken.

As they reached their mutual climax, clinging on to one another with heavy breathing and soft moans, Meredith could feel the surge of desire and need inside her and was more sure than she'd ever been in her feelings for him, especially after denying them for so long and pushing them down, refusing to deal with them.

He rolled off her, but didn't break their contact, pulling her on top his chest with his arms around her, holding her there. His lips moved to the top of her head with soft kisses, murmuring, "I love you, Meredith."

She looked up at him, the emotion she felt clear in her eyes and seeing it reciprocated in his, slightly breathless still as she spoke, "I love you too."

* * *

_Secrets I have held in my heart,  
Are harder to hide than I thought.  
Maybe I just wanna be yours,  
I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours._

* * *

**I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys.**


	14. Never Tear Us Apart

They sat across from each other in the booth at a diner just down the road from the hospital. Meredith has driven them both to the hospital and they had walked down, hopefully not seen by anyone they didn't want to see them driving in together.

They had stopped by Derek's hotel that morning so he could change and grab his suitcase. Instead of wearing his suit from the previous night, he had jeans and a shirt on now while Meredith wore her familiar jeans and simple top ensemble she would normally wear into work before changing into scrubs. Part of her couldn't wait until she started her fellowship and to not have to wear scrubs all the time - they made her look far much younger than she was and patients would often underestimate her authority and experience while she wore them.

_Don't ask me  
What you know is true  
Don't have to tell you  
I love your precious heart_

_I, I was standing  
You were there  
Two worlds collided  
And they could never tear us apart_

Seeing the way Derek looked at her, though, you'd think she was still wearing the dress from the night before. He couldn't seem to keep her eyes of her, and their hands were constantly joined together, whether in the car, walking down the street, or on the table between them, as though they were afraid to let the other go.

Meredith started opening up to Derek a lot more than she had when they'd been together in Hawaii, not feeling restricted by the secret of her mother's identity. She wanted Derek to get to know her and she wanted to get to know him more. She was pretty sure she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him... or was it too soon to decide that? They had known each other just over four years now, both of them just weeks into the fifth year of residency.

"What have you got scheduled today then?" Derek asked her, the small grin still on his face that hadn't left since he'd woken up with her in his arms.

"Well, I'm starting a clinical trial with Dr..." she told him, realising she's hadn't mentioned this to him yet.

"Oh? What kind of clinical trial?" Derek asked, genuinely interested, knowing it would be neurosurgery based.

"It's a treatment plan, to treat inoperable malignant gliomas, by injecting the tumour with a virus, theorising the virus will attack and shrink the tumour," she explained, watching the interest on his face as he listened to her.

"And Dr... chose you to assist?" He queried, wanting to know more about it. Normally, he was up to date about up and coming research in neurosurgery, but this was something he hadn't heard about, which was strange to him because he followed the work of Meredith's mentor, Dr...

A slight blush rose on Meredith's cheeks and she grinned slightly at him, suddenly feeling very shy about the whole thing, "Well, no, not exactly. I came up with it. She's supervising because I'm only a resident still..."

His eyes went a little wide as she spoke, a surge of pride running through him and he grinned wider, if it were possible, squeezing her hand gently, "I can't put into words how proud I am of you right now."

She shook her head with a soft laugh, "it's just a theory, it might not even work."

"Can I have a look at the proposal when we get to the hospital?" He asked, keeping his grip on her hand.

"Sure," she shrugged, still smiling at him. She'd have to get this smiling under control before she got to the hospital, before people started asking questions, but she was just so happy.

They finished off their respective coffees before heading back toward the hospital, hand in hand. As they entered the hospital, their hands pulled back from one other, although they walked shoulder to shoulder up to the residents' lounge so that they could both change into scrubs.

There was no one in there when they arrived, and Meredith pulled her top off as if it weren't anything she hadn't done a million times before. Derek's eyes didn't stray from her once as she stripped to her underwear before pulling the scrubs on.

"Are you sure you can't come away with me for today instead of being here?" She turned to look at him, just as she had pulled her lab coat on, seeing the desire in his eyes matching that in the tone of his voice.

"And you think no one would notice we were both missing?" She raised an eyebrow at him, slightly amused at his primal desire, but also quite turned on by it as she bit her lip slightly.

He moved closer to her as he took his shirt off with a low chuckle, smirking slightly, "I wouldn't care, I'd have you all to myself."

Her eyes glanced over his torso, watching as he took his jeans off as well as he moved closer to her, depositing them with his shirt on the bench. "You're just asking for trouble now..." she said as she backed up against the wall.

His voice lowered and he leant one hand against the wall beside her as their faces were inches from each other. Meredith's breathing became laboured at his proximity, his lips moving to just under her ear as he spoke in a husky whisper, "So, Dr Grey, where can I get some scrubs?"

"Meredith!" At the sound of Cristina's voice, Derek pulled back from her as though he had been given an electric shock, "What the hell is going on here? What are you doing to her?"

"Cris..." Meredith started, "Dr Shepherd was just grabbing some scrubs," she said with a pointed look toward him and a gesture toward the fresh scrubs. He followed her direction and grabbed some scrubs while Meredith spoke with Cristina. She pulled her hair up into a ponytail as she walked over to her, "Whats up Cristina?"

"Your mother was looking for you... and something about Shepherd not being at the hotel this morning at breakfast," Cristina narrowed her eyes at Meredith, "Wouldn't know anything about that would you? Anything I need to know?"

Meredith didn't have to speak any words to her person, just looking at her a certain way gave her the answer she needed to know.

"I guess I missed a lot not going to that gala..." Cristina's eyebrows rose as she spoke, out of Derek's earshot, "are you sure about this?"

Meredith glanced over to where Derek stood on the other side of the room, busying himself with his phone to give her some privacy with Cristina, she looked back to her twisted sister, "I'm sure."

"I'm actually proud of you, and happy for you, if he hurts you though," she spoke a bit louder now so that Derek could hear her, "I will cut off his balls and feed them to him on a plate."

Meredith laughed softly at the slight panic on Derek's face and she gently nudged Cristina's shoulder with her own, "Go on, I'll go deal with Ellis."

Cristina rolled her eyes, leaving Meredith and Derek alone again in the residents' lounge. She turned to walk over to him, "We really should be more careful, that could've been anyone."

"I'm not getting your point… why would that be a bad thing?"

"Don't you understand how hospital gossip works, or have you just never been subjected to it? My mother would find out in minutes. Your last year of residency shouldn't be any harder on you than it already is."

"And you have been subject to hospital gossip?" He raised an eyebrow, pressing a kiss to her forehead before they made their way out of the room.

"That's nothing you need to concern yourself with," she said with a gentle pat of his upper arm and a slight smirk on her lips.

"Now I'm even more interested," he mused as they walked along, him just following wherever she was going.

"You can be interested all you like," she quipped back as they walked out on to the catwalk towards the Chief's office, the place she thought first to check for her mother, "I'm not telling you anything."

"Aren't you going to drop the mystery act then?" He said, sneaking a playful jab into her side.

She flinched a little at the contact, "I'm definitely not going to now."

Meredith knocked on the door to the Chief's office, having realised the privacy blinds had been pulled down, so she couldn't actually see if anyone was inside. She heard a faint "One moment!" from inside the office, and waited for the door to be opened.

After a moment of waiting in silence with Derek a little too close beside her, the door opened and Richard stood there, blocking the view of the room, a little out of breath, "What can I do for you, Meredith?"

"Oh, I was just looking for my mother… have you seen her?" Meredith raised an eyebrow, finding herself slightly curious as to the reason behind Richard's demeanour, and then wishing she hadn't been.

"Meredith!" She heard her mother's voice from inside the room and Richard widened the door, motioning for Meredith and Derek to enter the office.

Meredith's eyes darted between Richard and Ellis, feeling a slight blush rising in her cheeks when she realised _exactly_ what they had been up to, "What the…"

"I see you've found Dr Shepherd. Where were you this morning?" She pointed the question towards Derek, as Meredith stood there in slight shock and embarrassment at the situation in front of her.

"I went to the ferry boats," he answered instantly, almost as though he had rehearsed his excuse, "and then I came to the hospital and ran into Meredith."

Meredith nodded as if to validate his version of events, "Cristina said you were looking for me?"

"I wanted to know if you had an explanation for leaving early last night," Ellis crosses her arms over her chest as she spoke, her eyes on Meredith as she tried to read her.

Meredith just shrugged, avoiding her mother's scrutinising gaze, "I was tired. I stayed for the important parts."

"Right, well, we're heading back to New York this evening. I want you to come to visit at Christmas."

Meredith's brow furrowed, "Why? We don't do holidays."

"There's a first time for everything, the leave has been approved now anyway. You will fly out on the 23rd with Richard and be back before New Year's."

"Wait, have I missed something here…" Meredith knew she hadn't missed _anything,_ but there was something more to it. She looked to Richard for an answer who just looked to Ellis, as though getting permission to let Meredith in on what was going on.

"Fine. You'll hear about it soon anyway. We're getting married, Richard and I," Ellis told her, gesturing between Dr Webber and herself.

"You're…. what?" Meredith looked at her in disbelief.

"Getting married. Keep up. Not a big thing, just at the courthouse next month."

Meredith was speechless, she didn't know what to say. Her first instinct was to run, to remove herself from the room. And so she did just that.

* * *

Derek watched as she bolted out of the room, without a word. He almost followed her out of the room, but realised at the last second, he probably shouldn't otherwise they'd realise something was definitely going on.

"Right, Shepherd, go and keep yourself occupied, learn things. The car is taking us to the airport at 6:30 sharp, your father is around here somewhere. I think he wanted to check out the ER," Ellis told him as though Meredith hasn't just bolted from the room.

"Okay, Chief Grey. And, congratulations to you both."

"Thank you, Dr Shepherd," Dr Webber nodded over to him and Derek left the room, finally able to go and see if Meredith was okay. The only problem was, he had absolutely no idea where she could be.

He made his way to the ER, figuring it would be a good place to start and in any case, his father should be there. Things didn't seem overly busy in the ER, but they definitely weren't quiet. As he wandered through toward the admissions area, he heard his name being called, and he turned to see Meredith stood with his father.

He raised an eyebrow as he walked over to them, "Hey, Dad, Meredith."

His dad placed a hand on his shoulder, "I was just speaking with Meredith, she was telling me how she'll be in New York around Christmas and I thought she could come over for dinner on Boxing Day with us."

"I'd have to check what my mother's plan is, Dr Shepherd," she turned to look at Christopher again, still slightly unnerved about the recent announcement from her mother, "I have to get going. I'll see you both again before you leave."

Derek watched as she gave a polite smile and walked off before either Shepherd could respond to her and Christopher turned to look at Derek, slightly confused, "Is she okay?"

"She's just found out some… surprising news, to say the least," he said in a slight murmur, wanting to go after Meredith.

"It's okay, Son. Go. I'll meet you out front at half six this evening if not sooner," he gave his son a knowing smile as he patted his shoulder again.

"Thanks, Dad," he gave him a slight nod before heading in the direction Meredith had just gone, even though he had no idea where she might be. His first guess was to head in the direction of the neurosurgical department.

"So do I get to see this proposal then?" She heard him ask, and she lifted her head from the papers in front of her to look at him.

"You found me," she said with a half smile, before looking back at the papers in front of her.

"You're not that difficult to find, Meredith," he said with a short laugh, moving to sit in the chair beside her, wheeling it closer to hers. "Why are you hiding from me anyways?"

She shrugged, still focusing on the papers, the end of the pen she held between her teeth.

"We don't have to talk about what your mother announced just now," he spoke quietly, placing his hand on her thigh under the desk to try and give her some comfort, or reassurance.

She was silent, covering her hand over his on her thigh a moment, before passing a pile of papers over to him, "Here's what we have so far."

* * *

_I told you  
That we could fly  
'Cause we all have wings  
But some of us don't know why_

_I was standing  
You were there  
Two worlds collided  
And they could never ever tear us apart_

* * *

He'd spent most of the day shadowing her, spending as much time with her as possible before he had to leave to go back to New York. When she'd finally gotten a break in her day, an hour before he was due to head back home, they'd locked themselves in an on-call room so they could spend more personal time together, lost in each other.

"It's time to say goodbye, Meredith," Derek murmured against her hair, holding her close against him in the bed, and he chuckled softly as her lips starting kissing his neck, "You're going to make me miss my plane…"

"Would that be such a bad thing?" She laughed softly, gently nipping at the skin on his neck as his hands moved to her waist, moving her over him with a slight groan

"And you have a job to do, baby," he pushed her hair back with his hand as she moved her lips to his, with the intention of keeping him quiet. He was glad he'd brought up needing to leave fifteen minutes before he actually had to be heading out to the car that would be there for them at half six.

"Can't you just stay…" she murmured against his lips, her fingers tangling into his hair as she pressed up against him.

"I really wish I could, I've only just got you and I hate having to leave you," he murmured back, lowering his arms around her waist to hold her against him. She giggled softly as he pressed a series of kisses against her lips, speaking between each one, "But we'll see each other again before you know it. Three months until Christmas. Maybe it's a good thing Ellis is dragging you to New York."

"Oh, crap. My mother," she rolled her eyes at the thought, "I'm going to have to tell her aren't I?"

"You don't have to. At least not until after the boards, hm?" He chuckled softly and she nodded, kissing him again eagerly.

"I promise," she grinned softly as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Come on, get some clothes on before I get too distracted," he murmured, and she groaned softly before climbing off the bed and finding her scrubs, pulling them on as he did the same with his own clothes, having already ditched his scrubs earlier.

"Maybe I should see you off here," she said, his arms around her again once they were both dressed.

"Are you sure?" He asked, lowering his forehead against hers.

"I'm sure," she said with a small smile, pressing her lips to his, "Call me when you get home safe, okay?"

"I promise," he murmured softly, pressing another kiss to her lips, "It won't be too long until we see each other again, okay?"

"Okay," she pressed her lips to his a little harder, for the last time, "Go on, before I drag you back to bed."

He chuckled softly and hugged her close one more time before pulling back, reluctantly, "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," she said with a sad smile as she watched him leave. This was going to be a long couple of months until she could see him again, but at least this time there was no hurt between the pair. Maybe it would be harder this time, to finally have him and not have him at the same time. At least before she could try and put him out of her mind.

She ran her hand through her hair and took a deep breath before leaving the room and heading to the front of the hospital, just in time to see Derek climbing into the waiting car with his Dad to take them to the airport. This somehow hurt more than it had before, but she couldn't let it show. She turned on her heel and headed back to work.

* * *

_You, you were standing  
(Don't ask me)  
(You know it's true)  
I was there  
(Worlds collided)  
Two worlds collided  
(We're shining through)  
And they could never, ever, ever, tear us apart_


	15. Love Story

It was the night before Christmas Eve, and she had been sat on the couch in her mother's brownstone in New York for almost two hours now. Her only saving grace had been the wine her mother had poured her as soon as she stepped in the door. It wasn't tequila but it did the job. She hadn't heard from Derek yet, so she assumed he was still in the surgery he had been pulled into an hour before her plane had left Seattle.

"Have you thought anymore on where you're going to do your fellowship?" Her mother asked, sat on the couch opposite Meredith, beside Richard.

"I've been looking into Boston Children's or Seattle Children's," she said with a shrug, taking a sip of her wine.

"Hm, the Boston programme is run by Dr Fuller, yes?" Her mother asked, but Meredith was pretty sure she already knew the answer.

"Yeah, it is," she nodded, "it's definitely the better of the two options."

She also had the added thought that, even though she didn't want to base her decision on where Derek would be next year, he also hadn't decided on where he was going to do his fellowship. In fact, he'd barely spoken to her about it.

"Are you sure you want to stay in the hotel, Meredith?" Ellis asked her, a slight frown on her face.

Stay in her old room in the same house as Ellis and Richard who haven't seen each other in over a month, or go to a nice hotel room, where she could get Derek to come and stay with her who she hadn't seen in almost three months? It was a no-brainer really.

"I'm sure, Mom, I'll be fine at the hotel," she said with a smile against the glass as she finished off the last sip of her wine, placing the empty wine glass down on the coffee table, "I really should get going now."

"Okay, do you want a ride? We can take you," her mother offered. She was acting very weird and it was freaking Meredith out a bit.

"Mom, I'll get a cab, I'll be fine," Meredith said with a soft laugh as she stood up and put her coat on, "I'll be back for lunch tomorrow."

A car horn sounded from outside as though it was right outside the front door, and Meredith's confusion with her mother's behaviour grew when she looked as though she was expecting someone to arrive. "Okay, at least let me see you out then," Ellis said, standing up from her seat and following Meredith out into the hall.

"Alright," Meredith said warily, as she picked up her bag and rolled her suitcase into the hall with her mother close behind her.

Just before she could open the front door, Ellis placed both her hands on Meredith's shoulders, "Meredith, just… it's okay, and bring him over with you tomorrow." Before Meredith could say anything or make sense of the words, her mother had opened the front door and was ushering her outside into the cold, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Meredith just shook her head in slight disbelief when Ellis closed the door and was just about to lift her suitcase down the steps when she heard a familiar voice from the street.

_We were both young when I first saw you  
_ _I close my eyes and the flashback starts  
_ _I'm standin' there  
_ _On a balcony in summer air  
_ _See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns  
_ _See you make your way through the crowd  
_ _And say, "Hello"  
_ _Little did I know_

"Meredith?" She looked up to see Derek leaning against a car with his usual charming smile that she loved so much.

"Derek?" She breathed out, not trusting what she was seeing right now, "What are you doing here, outside my mother's house?!"

He chuckled softly as he climbed the steps to join her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close as her arms slid around his neck, hugging him close to her as he held her close, murmuring softly against her ear, "Don't worry about that. God, I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," she returned, and pulled her face back a little to press her lips to his, despite the fact she was still standing on her mother's front step.

_That you were Romeo, you were throwin' pebbles  
And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet"  
And I was cryin' on the staircase  
Beggin' you, "Please don't go, " and I said_

He returned her kiss a moment before pulling his lips back to grin at her softly, "Come on, it's cold."

She nodded and reluctantly released him, picking up her bag as he grabbed her suitcase and took it down to the car, putting it in the trunk as she climbed in the passenger side. He joined her in the car and leaned over to kiss her again, and she felt the same need for the connection, sliding her fingers into his hair with a gentle grip as his hand cupped her cheek.

"Let's get going," he said with a grin, pressing another kiss to her lips before releasing her and starting the engine.

"Get going where exactly?" Meredith asked, sitting back in her seat, and putting her seatbelt on as Derek started driving.

"It's a surprise, you'll see," he said with a smirk as he glanced over at her, seeing her fiddling with the media player in the car.

"What are you doing?" he asked with an amused laugh.

"You can listen to The Clash when I'm back in Seattle," she murmured softly as she linked her phone to play her usual playlist, while he just laughed softly.

"I really have missed you," he said, a grin on his face as he looked over at her when he stopped at a red light.

"I really missed you too, Derek," she grinned back at him, noticing the light turning green while he was still looking at her, and she gently nudged his shoulder, "Eyes on the road."

"Yes, Ma'am," he said with a chuckle as he looked back out the windscreen and continued driving to wherever he was taking her.

When he pulled up in a street, she eyed him carefully, "Seriously, where are you taking me?"

"You're very impatient, has anyone ever told you that?" He asked as he turned to look at her with a raised eyebrow, a grin plastered on his face.

"Only you," she grinned back at him with a shrug as she unclipped her seatbelt, "I take it we're getting out here then?"

"Yes," he said with another laugh as he climbed out the car and met her on her side as she climbed out too. His arm slid around her waist and pulled her close to him while he used his other hand to close the car door behind her.

"This is much better than video calling, don't you think?" He said in a soft murmur as he pressed his lips against hers softly.

She smiled against his lips, feeling small, cold flakes of snow melting on her face as her head tilted upward to kiss him back, "Hm, I can't wait to get you back to my hotel room."

"You think I'm going to let you stay in a hotel room, now?" He asked with an amused grin, still holding her close.

"Where else would I stay? Ellis already booked me a room," she said, deadly serious with her question, having not considered any other possible situation.

"Meredith, you don't really think I'd have you staying in a hotel room when I can just have you in my bed?" He murmured softly as he pressed soft kisses against her neck that almost had her melting.

"Your bed?" She questioned, "Aren't your parents at home?"

"My parents are probably home, Meredith, yes, but I was thinking more in my apartment than my childhood bedroom," he moved to start walking now with his arm still around her waist.

"Wait, your apartment?" She asked, genuinely unaware that he had his own place.

"Where did you think I lived?" He looked to her curiously.

"Well, for all I knew you were still staying in the hotel where we first met, or failing that I figured you just lived with your parents," she said with a shrug, leaning into him slightly as they walked and she started to recognise where they were, "Times Square?"

"How I would love an insight into your mind, Meredith. Yes, we're going to Times Square. Because it's Christmas, and it's decorated, and I thought we could get hot chocolate and it would be nice," he said, pressing a kiss to the side of her head, "It's even started to snow."

_Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone_   
_I keep waiting for you, but you never come_   
_Is this in my head? I don't know what to think_

"That's very romantic of you, Derek," she said to him with a soft grin.

"I do try," he said with a smile and peck to her lips just as they entered the vicinity of Times Square. They found a vendor nearby who was selling hot chocolate and he bought them both a cup, not once letting his arm drop from around Meredith as they walked, talking about nothing and everything.

"So, what was the boldness of showing up at my mother's front door about?" She asked as they sat huddled together on one of the benches.

"Boldness? I wouldn't call it that," he said with a soft chuckle taking a sip of his drink.

"Wait, when she said… she knows, doesn't she? How does she know? And she knows I'm staying with you tonight?" She narrowed her eyes at him accusingly, "I thought we weren't telling her until at least your residency had finished."

"Yes, well, things… changed," he said with a slight shrug, taking another sip of his drink.

"Are you going to enlighten me?" She said with raised eyebrows.

"Meredith, it's fine. She doesn't hate the idea, not anymore," he grinned softly at her, "She's happy for you."

"The 'not anymore' doesn't fill me with much confidence," she frowned a little as she finished off her drink.

"You can have some of my confidence then," he said, pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss for a moment, "Better?"

"This is weird for me, you know," she said, pressing another kiss to his lips.

"Weird how?" He asked, caressing his fingertips over her cheek before resting his hand against her neck.

"The idea of not having to sneak around," she said with an amused grin, "and I really want to know what happened, how she found out."

"Fine," he relented, playfully rolling his eyes, "I just told her. I told her that we were in a relationship, and I have your best interests in heart, I wasn't going to get in the way of your career, and most importantly, that I love you. Which I do, by the way, I'm so insanely in love with you, Meredith Grey," his voice turning into almost a whisper as his lips moved closer to hers.

"Derek," she breathed out softly, frozen to the spot by his words, and his lips pressed against hers in soft, slow movements. She returned his kiss almost immediately, her hand sliding into his hair as he pulled her closer by the waist.

"I'm insanely in love with you too," she murmured against his lips.

The snow had started to come down a little heavier by now, and Derek pulled his lips back to look at Meredith with a wide grin, their foreheads still touching.

"I was going to do this tomorrow, but I just can't help myself," he said with a slight smirk on his lips as she looked at him, confused.

"Do what?" She asked, laughing a little out of nervousness as he pulled her to her feet.

"I didn't just go speak to your mother to declare my love for you and risk the remainder of my residency," he said, taking her hands in his, looking straight into her eyes, "Meredith, I don't want to be without you. I know we're still living on opposite sides of the country from each other, and we don't know where we'll be next year, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Derek… you…" she whispered, her eyes starting to water a little as she started to find herself overwhelmed with emotion.

"Let me finish," he said, brushing her hair back as his hand cupped her cheek, a warm smile on his face despite the cold weather, "I love you. And I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm not asking for you to marry me tomorrow, I want to make this promise to you. You're it for me. You're my everything."

"You asked her permission to marry me?" Meredith managed to choke out, a grin taking over her face as she realised the extent that he'd gone to.

"Yes," he said with a nod, "I did."

* * *

_He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring_   
_And said, "Marry me, Juliet_   
_You'll never have to be alone_   
_I love you and that's all I really know_   
_I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress_   
_It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes"_

* * *

" _Chief Grey, do you have a moment?" Derek asked, after knocking on the door to her office and being ushered inside._

" _Dr Shepherd, what can I do for you?" The woman responded, not looking up from the paperwork on her desk, "Come in and close the door."_

" _It's more of a personal matter, really," he said, feeling the nerves more in his stomach now as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. There was no going back now._

" _Oh? Is everything okay with your father?" She asked, looking up at him now as he stood in the room._

" _My father is doing well, it's not… it's about Meredith," he stated, looking her straight in the eye. He needed to have confidence about this, otherwise she'd chew him up and spit him out in seconds._

" _What about Meredith?" Ellis asked, intrigued even more now as to why her daughter was being brought into the conversation, and she set her pen down, giving Derek her full attention._

" _I know Meredith's father hasn't been around since she was young, and doesn't deserve for me to hunt him down and has no right… I'm saying this wrong. Dr Grey, I love your daughter. I'm in love with Meredith. I want to ask for your blessing to marry her. You've raised an extraordinary young woman, and I don't think I could live another day without her in my life. I understand, and I respect, her career comes first. I want her to succeed and I want to support her in that, not distract her or take it away from her. We weren't going to be open about our relationship until after residency had finished, but I want to ask her to marry me, at Christmas, and I come here out of my respect for you to ask permission to do so," a silence filled the room once he had finished talking, Ellis showing no sign of shock or surprise on her face. In fact, her expression had softened at his words._

_She stood up from her desk and walked over to the window, her hands joined behind her back as she looked out at the city._

" _I already knew. I knew that something was going on, for a long time now. At first, I didn't want it to happen. Two surgeons, in the same field… a very competitive field at that. But, then I saw how you looked at her. I saw how she looked at you. I know a lot more than Meredith thinks I know. I care for Meredith a lot more than I show her, and being with Richard again has made me see things differently," she turned to look back at him now, "Meredith knows what she wants, and so I can't answer for her. If she wants the same, you have my every blessing to ask her to marry you."_

* * *

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you too," she said resolutely, grinning still at him as their lips pressed together firmly, his hand sliding into her hair as her hands gripped the front of his jacket.

His arms slid around her and pulled her close, lifting her in a small spin as they laughed together, still laughing as he set her back down and he pressed a kiss to her forehead, "You've made me the happiest man alive."

* * *

They lay in bed together that night, Derek's arms around her and holding her close against his side, his lips pressing against her hair as they caught their breath, and he murmured softly, "What do you think of my elusive apartment?"

"I really like the bed," she said with a soft laugh, sliding her fingers to lock with his.

He lifted her hand to his with a soft kiss against her knuckles, "Hmm, I like it a lot better with you in it."

"I wish I didn't ever have to leave," she murmured softly, burying her face against his chest as she snuggled closer to him.

"I know, baby," he spoke softly, running his fingers through her hair as he held her close.

"Hm," she hummed softly at the feel of his fingers in her hair, closing her eyes as she spoke, "Ellis wants you to come over for lunch tomorrow."

"Do you want me to go?" He asked, still playing with strands of her hair between his fingers.

"As long as you're comfortable," she said with a slight yawn escaping her lips.

"She's not that scary, you know," he said with a soft laugh.

"Don't let her hear you say that," she returned his laughter.

"Well, I think my Mom wants me to go over in the evening and probably stay over. All the nieces and nephews are there for Christmas morning, slightly chaotic," he explained, lifting Meredith's chin to press a kiss against her lips, "I want you to come with me, as long as you're comfortable, that is."

"I think, maybe, I don't know what Ellis has planned, we never usually do Christmas," she said with a slight furrow of her eyebrow, "I'm not sure what's changed."

"Maybe this is a good thing, don't read too much into it, baby," he spoke softly pressing another kiss to her lips, "We should probably get some sleep, now."

"We could…" she murmured against his lips, still kissing him softly as she moved so she was on top of him, her legs straddling his waist, "but I've really, really missed you."

"I'm not even going to argue with you on this one," he murmured back with a soft groan, feeling her hips pressing down against his as his hands slid down to hold her waist.

Her lips lowered against his in a gentle, but firm kiss as she mumbled, "You shouldn't argue with me anyway."

* * *

_We were both young when I first saw you._

* * *

**Love Story - Taylor Swift**


	16. Christmas Eve

Their time spent at Ellis’ house never lost it’s hint of awkwardness. Meredith just hadn’t done Christmas before, and it was clear her mother hadn’t either. They sat through lunch together, and the main topic of conversation seemed to just be medical research and talking about Meredith’s recent research of her own that she was undertaking with the help of Dr Miller back in Seattle. Unbeknownst to Meredith, her mother had been following the trial from afar, which was surprising considering her mother had always been against her pathway into neurosurgery.

Surprisingly, neither had to mention the engagement to Ellis, because as soon as they both walked in the door she had realised something had changed and knew exactly what it was, offering both of them their congratulations. Other mothers would probably be immediately planning the wedding the second they walked in the door, but in true Ellis style it wasn’t mentioned again. 

They were now on their way to Derek’s family home, having been given her mother’s blessing to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with them, and despite the fact she had already met Derek’s parents, she still felt very nervous to be going.

“What’s wrong?” Derek asked, his hand gently squeezing Meredith’s thigh as he drove, “You haven’t said a word since we left your mother’s house.”

“I can’t shake these nerves,” she said with a short laugh, “It’s different meeting your parents as your girlfriend than them knowing me as Ellis’ daughter.”

“I know this won’t help, but there’s nothing to be nervous about,” he leaned over to press a kiss to her cheek when he stopped at a red light. 

“Or, we could hide out at your apartment for Christmas?” She said with a soft grin, capturing his lips with her own a moment before he started driving again. 

“As much as I’d love that, if we don’t turn up a search party will be sent out,” he said with a soft chuckle as he pulled up in his parent’s drive. 

She groaned softly as she took her seatbelt off and then climbed out of the car, Derek joining by her side and taking her hand with a gentle squeeze. 

“It’ll be okay,” he said, kissing her cheek again, “By the way, when I propose later on pretend you don’t know.”

“What?” Meredith said, looking at him with slightly wide eyes, “Why?”

“Because I told my mom I was proposing to you tonight and I haven’t told her I jumped the gun yesterday and did it already,” he said quickly as they approached the door and he rang the doorbell. Before Meredith had a chance to respond, the door flew open as Carolyn greeted them with a grin. 

“Come in, come in, out of the cold, both of you,” she said, ushering them inside and closing the door behind them as they took their coats off. 

“Hey, Mom,” Derek greeted as he gave Carolyn a kiss on the cheek and a quick hug. 

“Everyone is in the living room,” Carolyn said as she led them through, and Derek’s arm slid around Meredith’s middle as they followed her into the room. 

Apparently, the whole Shepherd family had come to Christmas this year, including all four of his sisters and their kids. The adults sat on the couches while the children played around, going in and out of the room presumably to the basement and back. 

“Hey, guys,” Derek said as they moved over to an empty spot on the sofa, sitting beside one another with Derek’s arm still around Meredith. 

“Der!” His nephew was the first one to greet him, his head popping out from behind the doorway with a wide grin. 

“Hey, Noah,” Derek grinned back at him with a soft chuckle which was mirrored by a few of the other adults. 

“He’s been asking when you’ll be here all day,” Nancy said with a soft laugh as Noah came into the room and Derek lifted him into a hug on his lap. 

Meredith watched along with everyone else as Noah babbled away to Derek, who paid close attention and interacted with the young boy before setting him on his feet again. 

“Go and play with your cousins, Noah, we can talk about it later,” Derek said, giving the boy a playful wink and he giggled before running off again. 

“Are you scheming with my son again?” Nancy asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“Never,” Derek joked with a grin on his face, his arm wrapping around Meredith, “Anyway, what have we missed?” 

“Oh, the usual,” Amelia, Derek’s youngest sister informed them. 

“Amelia,” Derek’s mother warned as she walked into the living with drinks for both Derek and Meredith.

Amelia simply rolled her eyes and returned to doing whatever she was doing on her phone. 

“Thanks, Carolyn,” Meredith said with a smile, taking her drink. 

“It’s no bother, Meredith,” the older woman said, “Derek, can I borrow you a moment?”

“Of course,” he said, pressing a kiss to Meredith’s cheek before standing up off the couch, giving her a reassuring smile before leaving the room with his mother into the kitchen. 

“When is it happening? Where? We want to be ready,” Carolyn said as soon as the kitchen door was closed. 

“Well, I was going to let her get settled in first at least, Ma,” Derek said, sipping at his drink and nosying around the food that cooked on the stove. 

“Get away, Derek, let it cook. Before or after dinner?” Carolyn asked, trying to get an answer from him as his dad sat at the island, chuckling softly. 

“Probably after,” he told her, leaning against the counter, “Now if you keep asking questions she might overhear and I don’t want to spoil the surprise.”

“You’re right, go on, out,” Carolyn said as she shooed him away from the cooking food. 

“I’m going, I’m going, hey Dad,” Derek said as he passed his dad with a grin before leaving the kitchen and heading back to the living room, laughing softly to himself. He probably should’ve just told her, but it was more a present for his mom than Meredith at this point. 

* * *

After they had eaten dinner, and Meredith was feeling more comfortable, Derek took her out into the garden that was blanketed with snow that had freshly fallen through the afternoon. 

“Derek, you know it’s absolutely freezing, right?” She said as they stopped in almost the centre of the garden, facing each other. 

“I know, but this won’t take long, I promise,” he said, taking her hands in his to try and give her some warmth. 

“Just, don’t be getting down on one knee or anything,” she pleased with him, “I’m pretty sure I can already feel your whole family’s eyes on us.”

“Remember to act surprised, okay?” He said with a soft grin, feeling the chill from the evening winter air himself now. 

“When? Now? Or are you actually going to propose again?” She asked, furrowing her brow. 

“You’re killing my nerves here, Meredith, my whole family is watching,” he said with a soft chuckle, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before releasing her hands. 

“Okay, I’ll be quiet,” she said, grinning back at him. 

“Meredith Grey,” he began, his hand going into his pocket a moment before pulling out a small black box that she actually hadn’t seen before, and she could feel tears starting to well in her eyes as she watched him.

“I’ve wanted to do this ever since I saw you on that beach in Hawaii. I’d say the hotel, but that might be a bit too over the top,” he said with a soft chuckle, and she laughed softly in return, “I have spent every single day loving you, and I want to be able to continue spending the rest of my life loving you, looking after you, and making you happy.”

“Oh, Derek,” she murmured softly as he opened the small box to show the small, silver ring inside.

“I’m so madly in love with you. And I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’m not asking for you to marry me tomorrow, I want to make this promise to you. You’re it for me. You’re my everything,” he spoke softer now, repeating the words from the previous day, cementing them in her mind. 

“I’m so madly in love with you too,” she responded, her voice breaking slightly with emotion as she spoke even though he’d already said the words once before, “I want to make this promise to you, too. I want to marry you.”

His face broke out into a grin, almost as though he was unsure of her answer even though he already knew it. He took the ring and slid it on to her finger before capturing her lips with his own in a firm kiss, warming up her cold lips. His arms slid around her and held her tight, a laugh escaping her lips as she heard the faint applause from inside the house. 

“You’re so cheesy,” she said, unable to keep the grin off her face as he lifted her up and her legs wrapped around him. 

“Would you have me any other way?” He asked, pressing his lips to hers again.

“Absolutely not,” she confirmed, returning his kiss. 

* * *

Later that evening, after rounds of congratulations and one or two glasses of champagne, they lay in bed together in Derek’s childhood room. Meredith’s head rested against Derek’s bare chest, his arm around her, holding her close as their hands entwined on his abdomen. 

“Are you ever going to tell your mom?” Meredith asked with a soft laugh, looking up at him. 

“Tell her what?” He asked, not quite catching on to Derek’s train of thought. 

“That you proposed to me yesterday in Times Square,” she said with a soft laugh and his arm gently squeezed around her with a grin on his face. 

“Maybe in a few years, I’ll let her enjoy it for now though,” he said with a chuckle, pressing a kiss against the top of her head. 

“I think this year might change my mind about Christmas,” Meredith mused, pressing a kiss against Derek’s collarbone. 

“I hope it does, and I’ll make sure every Christmas going forward is just as enjoyable for you,” he said, tangling her hair in his fingers, “You know, it’s a good thing I actually proposed yesterday.”

“Why’s that?” She asked, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Because,” he said, before gently but swiftly flipping her on to her back, hovering over her and pressing kisses to her neck, “We were able to celebrate all night, and I doubt you’ll let me repeat last night’s events in my mother’s house.”

“You make a valid point,” she said, a slight moan escaping her lips as she tangled her fingers into his hair, “but maybe we could be really quiet.”

“I know I can, but can you?” He said in a soft voice, raising an eyebrow with a smirk on his lips before he began to slowly kiss down her body, disappearing under the sheets. 


	17. Invisible String

_ Time, curious time _

_ Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs _

_ Were there clues I didn't see? _

_ And isn't it just so pretty to think _

_ All along there was some _

_ Invisible string _

_ Tying you to me? _

* * *

Christmas seemed to pass in a blur, and it was only a few hours until they had to leave to get Meredith to the airport on time for her plane. They lay side by side in Derek’s bed back in his apartment, facing each other. 

“Sometimes I’m still amazed that I convinced you to be with me,” he murmured softly, his fingers caressing over her cheek as she felt herself blushing slightly. 

“Convinced me, hm?” She asked with a raised eyebrow, a soft laugh escaping her lips as she turned her face to gently nip his fingertip. 

“Ouch,” he frowned playfully at her teasing nip, “Yes, I think it took a lot of convincing on my part.”

“Maybe so, but I’m glad that I caved,” she said, shuffling her body closer to his, pressing a kiss against the tip of his nose, “Even if you do live across the other side of the country.”

“I’ll come and see you, before boards, I promise,” he said, pressing a soft kiss against her lips, “We can spend a whole week in bed, definitely studying.”

“That sounds like a good idea, studying with rewards,” she said with a soft grin, returning his kisses. 

“I’m really going to miss you,” he said, tightening his arms around her and holding her close to him, her face buried against his neck and shoulder as she played with strands of his hair. 

“I’m going to miss you, too,” she murmured back, pressing small kisses against his neck, “Did you think more about fellowships for next year?”

“I’ve been looking into a few programmes,” he said in a quiet voice, playing with her hair. 

It was an avoided subject, and they both knew it. They had to go with the programs that were best for each of their careers, regardless of what the other was doing. 

“I have an idea,” she said quietly, reaching for his hand and entwining their fingers together. 

“What’s that, baby?” He asked, pressing soft kisses against her fingers and the back of her hand. 

“Maybe, we don’t talk about it. We make our decisions without knowing where the other is going, I don’t think we should factor it in to our decision,” she looked up at him now, feeling a pang of guilt as he frowned down at her, “I want to be closer to you, I want it more than anything, but it’s only one year. One more year and then we can apply anywhere to work, to live the rest of our lives.”

“That actually makes a lot of sense,” he said as he pressed a kiss against the top of her head, “We’ll do that, and we can tell each other our decisions when we’ve finished our boards.”

“There’s a two week gap, between boards and starting fellowships, we could go away somewhere,” Meredith suggested, pressing a kiss against the stubble on his jawline. 

“We can go wherever you’d like,” he said, lowering his chin to press his lips to hers in a short, soft kiss. 

“I’ve always wanted to go to St Barts…” Meredith mused, gently squeezing his hand she still held. 

“Then that’s where we’ll go,” he said with a grin, gently pushing her on to her back and hovering over her as his lips teased over her bare collarbone.

Their joined hands pressed against the mattress above her head and her hips moved up against him with a slight moan, able to feel exactly what he was ready to do. 

“Do we have time?” She murmured, her free hand running through his hair, gently gripping as he nipped against her skin. 

“We definitely have time,” he murmured, his free hand drifting down along the side of her body before teasing at her inner thigh, “I need to make love to you at least one more time before I let you leave.”

* * *

_ Time, mystical time _

_ Cuttin' me open, then healin' me fine _

_ Were there clues I didn't see? _

_ And isn't it just so pretty to think _

_ All along there was some _

_ Invisible string _

_ Tying you to me? _

* * *

They stood in the airport together, by the security gate, Derek’s arms wrapped around her and holding her close, his lips pressed against the top of her head as her face buried against his neck. Neither was ready to let go. To be without each other for another few months. 

“You’re going to miss your flight, baby,” he murmured reluctantly, looking down at her as she looked up at him. 

“One more,” she said with a slight pout. 

He chuckled softly and pressed his lips against her, his arms tightening around her middle as she gripped the front of his jumper, moving her lips in synchronisation with his kisses. She kissed him as though he were the air she needed to breathe, like that one last breath of air before going underwater. 

“I love you so much, Meredith,” he whispered as their lips parted, foreheads touching. 

“I love you too, Derek, with everything I have,” she whispered back, feeling her eyes sting a little with tears. 

“No crying,” he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead before pulling her close against him again in a final embrace, “It won’t be long until you see me again, the time will fly.”

“I know,” she said with a soft laugh, lifting her hand to wipe at her eyes, “I really have to go now.”

“Okay, do you have everything?” He asked, reluctantly let her go, looking over her as though he were committing her image to his memory. 

“My bag is checked in, I have my phone, a book, headphones, passport and tickets,” she said with a soft grin, “and I’ll call you as soon as I land.”

“Good,” he said, his head tilted to the side a little as he looked at her, feeling himself starting to get overwhelmed with emotion now as his eyes glanced over the ring she wore on her finger. 

“No crying, Derek,” she mimicked him, a soft laugh escaping her lips and she found herself fiddling with the ring unconsciously. 

“One more,” he said, stepping forward again and taking her face in his hands, pressing their lips together for a short moment, “I love you. Thank you, for everything. I’ll see you soon. Stay safe, okay?”

“I love you too, thank  _ you. _ And I’ll see you soon,” she repeated back to him, giving him one last kiss before stepping back, “Bye, Derek.”

“See you soon, Mer,” he said, a soft grin on his face as he watched her ascend the escalator in front of them. 

She looked over her shoulder at him one last time as she approached the top, giving him a soft grin as she did so, but then she turned back and the grin faded. She hated this. To think they could possibly be apart for the next year and a half, she couldn’t help the tears that spilled over her cheeks but she wiped them away quickly before going through security. 

* * *

_ A string that pulled me _

_ Out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar _

_ Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire _

_ Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons _

_ One single thread of gold tied me to you _

* * *

Her flight took off on time and landed on time, nothing out of the ordinary, and as soon as she’d picked up her back from the collection area, she pulled her phone out to call Derek. But it rang out. She sent him a quick message to let him know she had landed and put the phone away again. 

She stepped out of the airport into the typical Seattle rain, pulling her suitcase along beside her as she located her car in the secure airport. She climbed in the car and soon found herself on the highway back to the house she shared with Cristina. 

Once she’d arrived home, she pulled her phone out again to see a reply from him,  _ Sorry, I fell asleep. Call me when you get home.  _

She took her luggage inside, finding herself home alone and went up to her room, sitting on the bed before using her phone to call Derek. He picked up after a few rings. 

“ _ Hey, baby,” _ his voice sounded over the speaker, and a grin immediately took over her face. 

“Hey, you tired?” She asked, a soft laugh escaping her. 

“ _ It would seem so. I’ve been called into the hospital so I can’t talk for too long. How was your flight?” _ He asked, and she could hear him moving around in the background, likely getting ready to go to work. 

“It was fine, normal. I think I should probably get to sleep myself, though,” she said just as a yawn escaped her. 

“ _ Go to sleep, Mer, we’ll speak tomorrow, okay?” _ He said, and she could hear him shutting the door to his apartment, heading down to his car. 

“Okay, I love you,” she said, climbing off the bed again as she did so. 

“ _ I love you too,”  _ he responded, before the line dropped. 

She sighed softly and dropped the phone on to the bed before pulling her clothes off, feeling grimy from the flight home. She dug her phone charger out of her suitcase, plugging her phone in, and setting the engagement ring beside it, before taking a quick shower. 

Once showered, she threw on some pyjamas before climbing back into bed, finding herself looking at the ring on the side table. She needed to put it somewhere safe, especially whilst she was in work. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she picked the ring up, inspecting it closely as she put it back on her finger. 

She felt like the luckiest and unluckiest person in the world, even though it felt shallow to think in such a way. She’d found the guy. Against all odds, and her own reservations, she’d found the perfect guy who loved her back and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. But, he was on the other side of the country, and it would probably be another year if not more before they would be able to start living their lives together. 

* * *

_ Time, wondrous time _

_ Gave me the blues and then purple pink skies _

_ And it's cool, baby, with me _

_ And isn't it just so pretty to think _

_ All along there was some _

_ Invisible string _

_ Tying you to me? _

* * *

**invisible string - Taylor Swift.**


	18. State of Grace

“Meredith!”

Her heart stopped as she heard his voice, and she turned around to see him standing there. His hair was a mess, his shirt slightly wrinkled. She blinked a few times, frozen to the spot as he continued to move closer to her. Only when his arms were wrapped around her, did she allow herself to fall into him, to release the breath she’d been holding.

“I’m so sorry, Meredith,” he murmured softly against her hair, holding her tight against him, “My flight was cancelled, and my phone died and I hadn’t packed my charger because I was in a rush to catch my flight in the first place.” 

“I thought you weren’t coming,” she mumbled,

She buried her face buried against his neck and moved her arms around him as he continued to hold her close.

“I’m here, I’m here now,” he said as he pulled back to look at her with a soft grin on his face, “You look beautiful. We should go in.”

“Wait, your hair,” she said with a small frown, reaching her hands up to run her fingers through his hair to try and fix it.

“No one is going to be looking at me, tonight is about you,” he said, pressing a kiss to her lips a moment before taking her hands in his with a gentle squeeze.

“It’s just a nomination, Derek,” she said with a roll of her eyes and a soft laugh.

“Well we’ll never know if we stay out here,” he said, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

His arm slid around her waist as they went into the function room, quickly finding the table where Richard and her mother were already sitting down with Cristina. He gave them a quick nod in greeting as they had already begun speaking up on stage. He held her hand tight under the table, knowing she was nervous about the outcome. He could feel that she wore the engagement ring on her finger rather than it’s usual place on a chain around her neck, making him grin softly and glance at her a moment. He couldn’t help but feel so lucky to call her his. They had a long way to go until they could really be together again, but knowing they were waiting for each other, still supporting each other, that was enough for now.

He watched her reaction closely as her name was called, and he was the first one she turned to, her eyes widened slightly in shock as an applause erupted around them. He stood up with her, pulling her into a close embrace as she seemed to still be in shock.

“Well done, Mer, you deserve this. Go on,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her cheek before releasing her so she could walk up on to the stage to accept the award.

He joined in with the applause of everyone in the room, watching her approach the stage to accept the award. He knew how nervous she must’ve been, but it didn’t show at all as she spoke the acceptance speech he knew she had practiced over and over, even if she was adamant she wouldn’t win. His glance shifted to Ellis, who looked at her daughter with pride, and he was glad to have witnessed it, it wasn’t something Meredith experienced from her mother often.

“Thank you, everyone,” she said with a soft grin as she finished off her speech.

He watched as she had her picture taken a moment with Catherine Fox before she left the stage, walking back over to the table, apparently unable to stop smiling. He stayed back as Ellis embraced her, hugging her close, speaking to her quietly a moment before letting her go. After a short conversation with Cristina, she sat back down in her seat beside Derek, and his arm draped over her shoulders, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“I’m so glad I didn’t miss this,” he said to her as she turned her head to look at him.

“I’m glad you didn’t miss this either,” she said with a soft laugh as the ceremony came to an end and the room started to empty.

“We’ll be having plenty of tequila soon to celebrate, but I think you have some catching up to do,” Cristina said, gently nudging Meredith, “Good to see you made it, Shepherd, but I’m being paged to the hospital.”

“Good to see you as well, Cristina,” Derek said with a chuckle.

“I’ll see you soon, Cris,” Meredith said, pulling away from Derek a moment to hug her before she went off ahead of them.

“Meredith!” Her mother called to her and she turned to face her as she came up to them, her hand held out for Meredith, “Come with me, you too, Shepherd.”

“Okay,” she said with a soft laugh, taking her mother’s hand as she led her elsewhere and Derek followed close behind.

“They want our picture, Meredith,” Ellis said, “I’m going to frame it and hang it in the house.”

“Mom, you haven’t even got my graduation picture up in the house,” she said with a laugh, but stood with her for the picture anyway.

Once that was over and done with, they were approached by Catherine Fox who seemed eager to speak with Meredith. She glanced over to Derek with an apologetic look, but he just shook his head a little, happy to stand back and wait. He was more than anxious to get her alone after not actually seeing her for almost two months, but he knew it wouldn’t be too much longer.

“You’re dealing with this a lot better than Richard did when I won,” Ellis said from beside him.

“I’m happy for her, Dr Grey, she works hard, she deserves it,” he explained.

“I know I don’t show it to her a lot, but I am proud of her,” Ellis said to him, almost thoughtfully, “I’m glad she has you.”

“I’m glad to have her,” Derek said with a soft chuckle as Meredith walked back over to them.

“Okay, now we can get going,” she said with a relieved smile.

“One more thing,” Ellis said, holding her hand out, “Pass me your phone, I want to take a picture of you both.”

Meredith laughed softly with a shake of her head but passed her phone to Ellis anyway before Derek’s arm went around her middle, pulling her close and pressing a kiss against the top of her head as Ellis took pictures of them. Meredith lifted her head, giving Derek the chance to press his lips to hers a moment in a soft kiss, resisting the urge to deepen it further.

“I love you,” he said in a quiet voice, his eyes locked on hers.

“I love you too,” she said with a soft grin.

“Okay, now we can go,” Ellis said as she passed Meredith her phone back, pulling out her own phone, “Richard has asked me to come to the hospital. I’ll get a cab, and we’ll have dinner tomorrow.”

“Okay, Mom, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Meredith said to her before she went off ahead of them.

“So, how do you want to celebrate?” Derek asked as they walked out of the hotel venue, his arm around her middle.

“I really want to go home, and do nothing for a few hours,” she said with a soft laugh, “I feel exhausted.”

“That sounds like a great idea,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as she leaned into him.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” she said softly as he led them to his rental car, “I did wonder where you’d put your bag.”

“It made more sense,” he said with a soft laugh, unlocking the doors and opening the passenger side for her to climb in.

He climbed in himself to drive them back to her apartment, his hand resting on her thigh for the drive back.

She let them into her apartment, putting her things down on the kitchen side before taking her heels off. Derek followed in behind her, setting his bag down in the hall by the door and closing the door behind them. He walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, pressing a kiss against the nape of her neck, brushing her hair out of the way.

“Now I finally have you alone,” he murmured softly, his lips moving up her neck with soft kisses.

“You have me alone for most of the week, you know,” she said with a soft laugh, turning in his arms to face him with a soft grin.

“Not all of the week, though,” he said with a playful pout, “You’re working a couple of those days, and tomorrow is dinner with your Mom and Richard, and we really should spend time studying.”

“You make a good point,” she said, pressing a soft kiss against his lips, her hands gently gripping the lapels of his suit jacket as she did so, pushing up on to her tiptoes, “We should definitely take advantage of this alone time.”

“That’s definitely something I want to do,” he murmured softly, his hands flat against her lower back as he held her against him, “I’m so proud of you, and I love you so much.”

“I love you too, and I’ve missed you, a lot. Like, embarrassingly a lot,” she murmured, kissing him again, slowly and softly.

“I’ve missed you too,” he whispered, returning her kiss, “Let me show you just how much I’ve missed you.”

* * *

_These are the hands of fate,  
You're my Achilles heel,  
This is the golden age of something good,  
And right and real,_


End file.
